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On the sanitization of language.
It is not my intention to offend anyone with this piece, but I decided to use non-monogamous relationships as a catalyst through which we observe the sanitization of language and the evaluation of its consequences. I know this doesn’t only happen within this context but I chose it because of the way people seamlessly try to incorporate a specific type of lingo that, while at times expansive and illustrative, some other times there shows to be a constraint within it. I did my best to put into words my abstract thoughts, but you may not like it.
Feb 27, 2025
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This zesty little book of aphorisms really makes you think about relationships. Namely, the book makes the convincing case indirectly that monogamy is an absurd paradox but there might not be another option. Paradoxes are scary but they are also interesting and sometimes even nice.
Oct 11, 2023
treating monogamy as the default structure for human relating feels so oppressive to me. to each their own, but i think we would all benefit from examining deeply held assumptions that influence how we show up in our relationships, and what we expect from our relationships. relevant for all kinds of attachment-based relationships, not just sexual/romantic ones.
Mar 6, 2024
@mothersuperior post on latex and the yearndemic reminded me of this essay that I read a few years ago about the commodification and fetishization of the body and how it’s been paralleled with a lack of chemistry and sexuality that we used to see on screen. The title is your tldr: everyone is hot and no one is horny. The sterilization of sexuality and sex is everywhere, past even film. It’s a response to the acceleration of capitalism, war and colonial extraction of the earth. It has crept into the ways we view ourselves, our experience and our bodies.
One thing I took away from this essay is that to align yourself with traditional beauty standards will make you too tired to fuck. Similarly, the whole « working on yourself » grind that I heard on first dates all the time is this strange, individualistic perspective that makes you too exhausted and distracted for the holistic chemistry we desire. We flatten our lives to marketable lines that make us appear attractive - I’m working on myself, I’ve been going to therapy, I have a nice job and apartment. And while people are obviously horny, they don’t know for what - forming our bodies to be better, our minds fixed and correct, we can’t pinpoint what the purpose is cause we’re too fucking exhausted to investigate further than that. Love, desire, and chemistry feel more and more elusive.
For us to morph ourselves into the image of sexiness according to western beauty standards, there is sacrifice (nutrients, your current corporeal form, the ability to be perceived as more than an object, working long hours for your grind) that doesn’t align with sensuality (unless you’re into that). There is no room for the spectrum of sensations you body is capable of feeling. There is no room for desire when we’ve given it all up the capitalist war machine. :p
Mar 10, 2025
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