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it’s how you carry yourself, not how you look

I realized a few years ago that my desire and attempts to look a certain way were failing. It wasn’t realistic, and it was making me feel inauthentic, empty, and unhappy. Cameras capture every thing, so it’s easy to dwell on imperfections. But that’s not how people experience you. It’s not how others think about you or see you. Imagine how critical you are of yourself and imagine someone else being that critical of another person. You’d think there’s something wrong with them! Who focuses on a person’s looks that much! Get a life you misery! That’s how we treat ourselves. There’s an epidemic happening where everyone wants and is going out and getting the same face. The same body. It’s so boring. Your “flaws”—as society has taught you to think about them—are not flaws. They make you unique. Memorable. They make you beautiful. To love yourself is active resistance in an economy fueled by obsession over flaws and unhappiness. One of the actors in White Lotus, Aimee Lou Woods has some objectively flawed teeth. But that’s what makes her so unique, so special. So cute! They make her attractive because she’s unapologetic about them. Embracing my big goofy smile and big ears and crinkled crows feet makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. That feeling is so powerful. It spreads to other parts of your life and attracts people to you. It’s how you carry yourself, how you move in the world, engage with other people— not how you look.

@Shadowbeni

Mar 29, 2025

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Being your own biggest fan

I’ve been known to gas myself up. I’ll walk into a room and announce that I love my outfit for the day. I’ll show someone a spreadsheet that I made and say that I’m in awe of my brain for having such a good idea and bringing it to fruition. And I can assure you that I’m laughing at every single one of my jokes. It’s obvious how loving yourself and having confidence improves how you feel overall. We know this, we understand this. What I want to talk about is the lesser known impacts of believing in yourself, which is how the rest of the world interacts with you when you carry yourself with unshakable confidence. On the surface, how do other people react when I’m giving myself a gold star? They giggle, sometimes they may roll their eyes. On a deeper level, when you truly walk through the world knowing that you are that bitch, it creates an inexplicable magnetism. People notice you in a different way. Take a compliment on an outfit, for example. I wear cute clothes, but so do a lot of people. When someone compliments my outfit, what they are often actually drawn to is that they can tell that EYE feel amazing wearing my outfit. I love job interviews. People find this shocking and confusing, but they’re going about interviews all wrong. I’m not trying to sell myself, sound like I know what I’m talking about, convince someone to hire me, none of this nonsense. I’m excited to talk about my previous work and skills that I’m so proud of and how amazing I am. I don’t have to tell them how valuable I am, how lucky they would be to have me- the way I believe in myself conveys it. As mother (RuPaul) says, “if you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” We always talk about treating other people in the way that you want to be treated, but that starts with you. Are you nice to yourself? Do you love yourself? Are you the only girl in the world? If you can’t show up for yourself in these ways, it’s going to limit your capacity to show up for others. We don’t have to pretend like this is possible every moment of every day. Most days, it feels like everything in our environment is trying to tear us down constantly (especially women!) and sometimes its all too much. Sometimes you just wake up and it’s just not your day. These things happens. Good news- you can try again tomorrow. Worried about being labeled as delusional? You’re not- you are the baddest bitch in the room. Labeled as extra? Good. Take up as much space as you see fit. Vain? That’s fine. Some people can’t see what’s beyond the surface; the 700th selfie I put on IG has much less to do with liking my face and much more to do with feeling beautiful in my soul. It’s hard to put into words. But when you believe in yourself, people notice. They won’t be able to put their finger on it, there’s just something about you that stands out. It comes through in our body language, our micro-behaviors, and the wavelengths and vibrations we can’t see and feel. Try it out. Lie to yourself until you believe it. Then, watch the world start to fall at your feet.

@mstoopsy

Aug 27, 2024

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Not constantly marketing yourself

Sometimes you can just exist. you don’t (hopefully) need 50 hustles. You don’t need to be a writer and musician and artist and podcaster and influencer and girlboss or whatever. you don’t even need to signal how cool or smart or attractive you are. I know it’s hard cause I think our society incentives (forces?) people to be “on” all the time, but it’s probably better for your own sake to just exist for yourself and your love ones and to adjust your expectations of what a successful or meaningful life is. Sorry for being pedantic, just know a lot of friends and family my age or younger that seem to be struggling right now in all sorts of ways. Just know, regardless of what anyone says or even what you say or do, that you guys have inherent dignity and you are worth something

@oldmanname

Oct 9, 2024

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