whoops,, I get bored and overwhelmed easily. I feel like I’m not doing enough. like life isn’t moving even when I’m doing something but then I have to remind myself that this is in fact life.
or become less cluttered.. which i am not contributing to by any means (continuously booking my weeks, picking up new projects constantly). slowing down would let me think more clearly, but i'm realizing i need to carve moments of stillness for myself because life will never slow down until i die!
I have to be doing something with my hands or have an activity planned for myself outside of work, I am rarely just chilling by myself with my own thoughts (I call friends and family so much which is a strength but sometimes it’s just to talk and exhaust myself) Trying to be better at savoring moments and not rushing through things but it’s physically uncomfortable for me to just do nothing sometimes
I spent years wishing I was already there, somewhere, a completely made up situation that I would obsess over in my head and it made the current moment excruciating to exist in, years later I’ve realised how fast time actually goes, I’ve wasted years being somewhere else in my head only to end up looking back on my 20s not remembering half of it because I wasn’t actually there. Now I try to be mindful every time I notice myself getting lost in the future and drag myself back by putting my phone down, doing something creative, going out in nature and literally just, you know, touching grass instead of obsessing over what’s to come or what’s not to come in the future.
I’m tired of my friendships only being sustained through the exchange of memes and reels. i crave proper conversations- where the other person shows equal interest. I’m tired of people pretending to not care or not be too interested or that they have other options?! ughhhh we are all too scared of being perceived differently from how we wish to be perceived because of how much we get to control our image on the internet (read receipts off- can’t let them know i read their message) It feels like people literally throw their phone away in the fear that they’ll seem too interested after they message you- which defeats the entire point of a conversation.
recommending change on here cause today i woke up in a different city and even tho i was extremely nervous about moving- i feel so good,, i needed this change in scenery.