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š„
I went to this girl that Iāve been seeing for a few month ās show tonight. Shes the drummer and her band was soo good. Iāve listened to them before, but this was the first time I had seen her perform with the band. Iāve watched her play other times at her orchestra concerts and such but damnnnnnnnnn. I was mesmerized by her the whole time. After the show she came up to me before the next band played. Turned out that her parents were there so I had an impromptu meeting with them haha. We hung out the rest of the night until she had to wrap up. She walked me to my car and I drove her back. Itās confusing because we have an emotional connection and sometimes hang out without doing anything but that was the foundation of our relationship. I love sleeping with her, but I can tell we both like eachother to some degree. Iām just worried I like her more than she likes me, and weāre in different phases of our life. I love when weāre sweet together and we sometimes go on dates just to see eachother for a little while. We appear like a couple in public anytime weāre together, so it really messes with my head. I want more than what we have right now, and I canāt tell where weāre heading. Love being a lesbian, but I know my heart is getting wrapped up in this. I just hope this all goes the way it is meant to. š«
Mar 19, 2025
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Backstory: Im crushing so hard on a tattoo artist near my job and am delusionally convinced sheās my soulmate. We coincidentally have matching tattoos of the cover art for faces by mac miller high on the thigh. (for full story go look at my asks)
Update: aightā¦ went to the tattoo shopās 8th anniversary event just to kinda be present and participate in the art community in Puerto Rico bc Iām having trouble finding ppl I relate too and I think I can make friends w them. Didnāt rly get to chat with her much, she was being a little distant and I wasnāt going to corner her or anything. I ended up getting some flash that was super cool. after my tat was finished late that night I went for a walk to shake off the nerves of the pain n shit. Ended up getting a strange feeling to buy a bunch of ice creams for everyone in the tattoo shop party so I walked far as hell and bought like 20-30 ice creams from a 24hr bodega and came back to pass them out to everyone for free. Boom. wonderful success and made so many ppl smile. Now the shop owner n community know me and recognize my chill.
Additionally: I could not get this girl out of my head. Like I never rly date and I fr donāt like talking to girls. Im rly hyper-isolated but itās my own doing. But she Was driving me crazy. I ended up buying her the Book of Mac memoir and planned to give it to her as a gift/tip at our booked tattoo session. I had a feeling that sheād rly like it. But that wasnāt enough. I became manic and over the course of three sessions I made her a mac miller mix. Ive attached it for u all to listen. This mightāve been overkill and I was second guessing it the whole time but I did it anyway because Iām not a pussy.
Finally: get to the tat session and was greeted with a kiss on the cheek (polite and customary for Puerto Ricans but she was rly friendly about it and she initiated). When she finished setting up our station I sit down and pull out the book. Inside the book I had written to: (her name) from: (me) and a short quote from BMO (adventure time) because it kinda just felt right. tell her hey I got this for you, I think I have a crush on you idk, but yeah this is for you. Bruhā¦ she melted. She was like soooooooooooo happy. She had a mask on cuz she was sick but she said underneath she was blushing super hard.
we start the tattoo and I ask if I can just talk to her while she does it. Iām rly shy and not the best at convo but throughout the entire tattoo I just picked her brain to try and get to know her. Bruhā¦ we r so alike. Like mind blowingly alike. Talked about music and movies and clothes. But she was kinda dry and quick w her chatting. It took a while for her to warm up a bit and relax. Plus Iām funny so she was giggling after every other thing I said. Teased her a bit. Flirted a bit. But nothing too heavy. By the end of the tattoo session we were on aux together going back and forth w songs talking about why we like them n stuff. Like at this point I can tell weāre friends. Finally the tat is finished and itās great. Sheās an apprentice and not super experienced but it was exactly what I wanted. As we were saying our goodbyes she thanks me again for the book. I told her I had one more thing to give her but she had to give me her number firstā¦ she freaks out a little bit. I say no pressure obviously, but sheās like āyes pressureā Iām like what?? She gives me her number and gives me a super quick and tight hug. Idk how to describe it but it was like a shy, fast āI need to hug you before anyone seesā hug. as Iām walking out the shop I text her the link to the mix n head home.
I get home, she texts saying thanks for the mix that itās rly cool and thanks again for the book. and thenā¦. She tells me sheās dating someone š„“ and didnāt know how to tell me in person and froze when I asked for her number n if its alright if weāre just friends. I ate that punch, said hey no prob we can be friends, which is totally fine like I fr donāt mind, but the thing is I KNOW MY WHOLE SCHEME WORKED. Like the way she was reacting to me and how comfortable she got and how cool our convo was like I know she recognized how cool I was. And she told me I was rly cool like she texted saying she thinks im cool. So likeā¦ fuck. Idk. and She didnāt even say she has a boyfriend, she just said sheās dating someone so it doesnāt even sound serious. Idk what to do. She didnāt respond to my last text. so this is where we stand. I think I fucked her world up tho. No way sheās not thinking about me now.
What do yall think?
Update: aightā¦ went to the tattoo shopās 8th anniversary event just to kinda be present and participate in the art community in Puerto Rico bc Iām having trouble finding ppl I relate too and I think I can make friends w them. Didnāt rly get to chat with her much, she was being a little distant and I wasnāt going to corner her or anything. I ended up getting some flash that was super cool. after my tat was finished late that night I went for a walk to shake off the nerves of the pain n shit. Ended up getting a strange feeling to buy a bunch of ice creams for everyone in the tattoo shop party so I walked far as hell and bought like 20-30 ice creams from a 24hr bodega and came back to pass them out to everyone for free. Boom. wonderful success and made so many ppl smile. Now the shop owner n community know me and recognize my chill.
Additionally: I could not get this girl out of my head. Like I never rly date and I fr donāt like talking to girls. Im rly hyper-isolated but itās my own doing. But she Was driving me crazy. I ended up buying her the Book of Mac memoir and planned to give it to her as a gift/tip at our booked tattoo session. I had a feeling that sheād rly like it. But that wasnāt enough. I became manic and over the course of three sessions I made her a mac miller mix. Ive attached it for u all to listen. This mightāve been overkill and I was second guessing it the whole time but I did it anyway because Iām not a pussy.
Finally: get to the tat session and was greeted with a kiss on the cheek (polite and customary for Puerto Ricans but she was rly friendly about it and she initiated). When she finished setting up our station I sit down and pull out the book. Inside the book I had written to: (her name) from: (me) and a short quote from BMO (adventure time) because it kinda just felt right. tell her hey I got this for you, I think I have a crush on you idk, but yeah this is for you. Bruhā¦ she melted. She was like soooooooooooo happy. She had a mask on cuz she was sick but she said underneath she was blushing super hard.
we start the tattoo and I ask if I can just talk to her while she does it. Iām rly shy and not the best at convo but throughout the entire tattoo I just picked her brain to try and get to know her. Bruhā¦ we r so alike. Like mind blowingly alike. Talked about music and movies and clothes. But she was kinda dry and quick w her chatting. It took a while for her to warm up a bit and relax. Plus Iām funny so she was giggling after every other thing I said. Teased her a bit. Flirted a bit. But nothing too heavy. By the end of the tattoo session we were on aux together going back and forth w songs talking about why we like them n stuff. Like at this point I can tell weāre friends. Finally the tat is finished and itās great. Sheās an apprentice and not super experienced but it was exactly what I wanted. As we were saying our goodbyes she thanks me again for the book. I told her I had one more thing to give her but she had to give me her number firstā¦ she freaks out a little bit. I say no pressure obviously, but sheās like āyes pressureā Iām like what?? She gives me her number and gives me a super quick and tight hug. Idk how to describe it but it was like a shy, fast āI need to hug you before anyone seesā hug. as Iām walking out the shop I text her the link to the mix n head home.
I get home, she texts saying thanks for the mix that itās rly cool and thanks again for the book. and thenā¦. She tells me sheās dating someone š„“ and didnāt know how to tell me in person and froze when I asked for her number n if its alright if weāre just friends. I ate that punch, said hey no prob we can be friends, which is totally fine like I fr donāt mind, but the thing is I KNOW MY WHOLE SCHEME WORKED. Like the way she was reacting to me and how comfortable she got and how cool our convo was like I know she recognized how cool I was. And she told me I was rly cool like she texted saying she thinks im cool. So likeā¦ fuck. Idk. and She didnāt even say she has a boyfriend, she just said sheās dating someone so it doesnāt even sound serious. Idk what to do. She didnāt respond to my last text. so this is where we stand. I think I fucked her world up tho. No way sheās not thinking about me now.
What do yall think?
Rec
This is the photo that I stare at longingly as we talk on the phone. I miss him terribly right now.
We met outside of a funny little bar (Avant-Garde in Ottawa) during a break in sets where everyone was smoking outside. I actually came to see his friendās band but he and his friends were absolutely tearing up the dance floor. I decided to go up and talk to the cute ginger boy (lover boy, Cam) and the goofy guy from the band (Noah) and they told me about a DJ set Noah was doing the next Friday. Cam never got my number so I had to go, obviously. He finally got my instagram (make better choices, ask for their number) that night and I dmed him and asked what he was doing the next day - he was going to read on his balcony. Iād learn later that this man is a very avid reader (love). I asked to join and that was our first date! Heās the first person to ever cook for me, and he even set me up on a chair and with a baguette with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. We dated for the rest of the summer, about two months, then I went back to school in a different city and we parted ways.
He thought weād never talk again but I hit him up whenever I came back to town and even asked if heād like to spend a couple of days cooped up when I was back on winter break. He said yes and we drank wine and watched good movies and ate grapefruits. That weekend together brought us really close.
I wasnāt in Ottawa the next summer but I did spend two weeks completely alone in Kakabeka Falls between forestry contracts in Northern Ontario. Those weeks I called him most days for hours despite us not having really talked in months.
Then I came back to Ottawa for an internship this September. Iāve always been really weird about relationships, so I told him I just wanted to be friends. So we were, but also we would *platonically* share the twin bed I had at the time when it was late and I didnāt want him to spend exorbitant amounts of money getting home.
He actually told me he wanted to be with me in October, but I was scared and said he wasnāt what I wanted. We stayed friends.
December 21st I wanted to go see my favourite local band (Baby Richman) back at Avant-Garde. They have a super psychadelic sound and one of my roommates gave me shrooms to take. I was supposed to go with my other roommate, but she cancelled last minute. Not wanting to lightly trip alone in public, I invited Cam. The night was great, but when the music ended I didnāt want to stay out. I wanted to lie in my soft bed, feel my soft cotton pyjamas, and look up at my twinkly lights. Lying on my bed with Cam, we talked for hours. I cried at how beautifully he described his familyās Christmas traditions. That night I realized just how much I want to be an integral part of his life. We were a year and a half in the making.
He is wonderful. Heās funny, incredibly smart, and inspires me to improve every day. He also always stuck around, despite many efforts to push something so good away. I am so lucky to be reunited with him in July.
We met outside of a funny little bar (Avant-Garde in Ottawa) during a break in sets where everyone was smoking outside. I actually came to see his friendās band but he and his friends were absolutely tearing up the dance floor. I decided to go up and talk to the cute ginger boy (lover boy, Cam) and the goofy guy from the band (Noah) and they told me about a DJ set Noah was doing the next Friday. Cam never got my number so I had to go, obviously. He finally got my instagram (make better choices, ask for their number) that night and I dmed him and asked what he was doing the next day - he was going to read on his balcony. Iād learn later that this man is a very avid reader (love). I asked to join and that was our first date! Heās the first person to ever cook for me, and he even set me up on a chair and with a baguette with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. We dated for the rest of the summer, about two months, then I went back to school in a different city and we parted ways.
He thought weād never talk again but I hit him up whenever I came back to town and even asked if heād like to spend a couple of days cooped up when I was back on winter break. He said yes and we drank wine and watched good movies and ate grapefruits. That weekend together brought us really close.
I wasnāt in Ottawa the next summer but I did spend two weeks completely alone in Kakabeka Falls between forestry contracts in Northern Ontario. Those weeks I called him most days for hours despite us not having really talked in months.
Then I came back to Ottawa for an internship this September. Iāve always been really weird about relationships, so I told him I just wanted to be friends. So we were, but also we would *platonically* share the twin bed I had at the time when it was late and I didnāt want him to spend exorbitant amounts of money getting home.
He actually told me he wanted to be with me in October, but I was scared and said he wasnāt what I wanted. We stayed friends.
December 21st I wanted to go see my favourite local band (Baby Richman) back at Avant-Garde. They have a super psychadelic sound and one of my roommates gave me shrooms to take. I was supposed to go with my other roommate, but she cancelled last minute. Not wanting to lightly trip alone in public, I invited Cam. The night was great, but when the music ended I didnāt want to stay out. I wanted to lie in my soft bed, feel my soft cotton pyjamas, and look up at my twinkly lights. Lying on my bed with Cam, we talked for hours. I cried at how beautifully he described his familyās Christmas traditions. That night I realized just how much I want to be an integral part of his life. We were a year and a half in the making.
He is wonderful. Heās funny, incredibly smart, and inspires me to improve every day. He also always stuck around, despite many efforts to push something so good away. I am so lucky to be reunited with him in July.
May 26, 2025
Rec
I became apart of a long term non-monogamous relationship with a very sweet and beautiful lady but could only last for a week and some change before I had to call it quits and go back to being friends. Long story short, I had recently called her and interrupted a call with her partner who was helping her study and when I heard that I folded into myself like a shrinky dink in the oven. I think I like monogamy.
10/10 because weāre still gonna be best friends and I love her but also will never try again <3
pictured below is when I remembered I was dating someone who was dating someone else.
10/10 because weāre still gonna be best friends and I love her but also will never try again <3
pictured below is when I remembered I was dating someone who was dating someone else.
Feb 8, 2025
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I went on hike today with two of my friends. Weāre in Arkansas for 2 days and itās been a good time. I dragged us through the devilās trails and ran off a few times for moments of solitude. I love being outside, but I am a runner. But I like it because I get to be an alone for a while. sometimes my friends worry but I just like existing solo sometimes.
Back to the hole, my friends didnāt want me to go in the hole bc they said I would become one of the dead people. the kind you see on tiktok where they track how the body was crushed when they fell down a too tight hole. I walked past it the first time but I thought about it the whole 20 minutes past it. When we walked back, I ran back to it and went in.
Back to the hole, my friends didnāt want me to go in the hole bc they said I would become one of the dead people. the kind you see on tiktok where they track how the body was crushed when they fell down a too tight hole. I walked past it the first time but I thought about it the whole 20 minutes past it. When we walked back, I ran back to it and went in.
Mar 18, 2025
Rec
My friend bought me a shirt that says āI <3 Adrianne Lenkerā and I wore it today. I felt a little silly wearing it, but it was fun for the day. A lady at a shop thought it said āI love adrenaline seekersā. I let her believe it
Mar 18, 2025
Rec
Few days late, but I messaged my best friendās brother for the first time to tell him happy pie day. I went to school with them both growing up but we rarely interacted, now heās a super-genius & I find him so interesting. Iāve seen him once since we were both adults and his brain is so cool. Iām a lesbian- no hetero intentions- but he is fascinating. Weāre going to Boston to stay with him for a week in the summer. Oh- and thereās a photo of my friend and her brother in pie and 3.14 costumes bc their mom is a teacher and they were very cute nerds. Theyāre both geniuses, kinda cool af
Jealous of his celebratory pie tho
Jealous of his celebratory pie tho
Mar 18, 2025