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I crossed out most of what I wrote for obvious reasons, but this is the most fun I’ve had psychoanalyzing myself
Apr 8, 2025
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@ALI99 I use procreate! It takes some getting used to but it makes it so much easier once you get the hang of it
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This is a pretty easy and meditative practice that helps ground me and makes me feel productive while allowing me to take stock of all that is actually going on with me. Lately I have felt really absent and tapped out of my own life, really stuck, but journaling allows me to realize that there’s actually tons of shit going on, things are constantly changing, and the future holds so much. I also have silenced the voice in my head that insists I am not a visual artist so I can’t make collages and stuff, and I have unleashed the collage monster within. It is so fun and relaxing to cut and paste and glue in your journal- it makes the journal itself feel more lived in, fuller, it adds texture… and it also stokes my crow-like inclination to collect scraps because now the scraps have meaning! Collage nights with friends are also super fun and pure. You can use prompt generators to guide you, or just freestyle. I’ve had little collage sessions with friends when we are all feeling depressed and directionless etc, and I’ve noticed we come away from it feeling more centered and optimistic and at peace. This was a long rambling post, and I’m putting off working right now, but maybe this will help!
Sep 9, 2024
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Sometimes painful and not for everyone, but goddamn sometimes it feels good to know what you’ve overcome. A HUGE practice in being kind to all versions of yourself, past and present. I sometimes annotate my old ones in the margins, give myself a little “good luck.”
May 24, 2024
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a peek into what was rattling around inside my brain on January 19, 2024:
I have not packed for Madrid, which I am traveling to in 37 hours and 14 minutes and where I will remain for the next three thousand or so hours. I feel like a child; I am desperately nervous for my first days of school. I am twenty and vaguely personable and I give good enough advice for most of my friends to stick around and I am worried that I will make a spectacle of myself. I do not do well in small groups long-term; while I am an acquired taste, I am polarizing enough to always hope for more people to try and advertise myself to. It’s just a very intense experience, dealing with me, for better or worse. I am a good friend and a terrible liar and will keep telling myself that the intensity of my emotions is standard. I am very excited to write postcards. I am most excited about just how Old everything over there is. I keep referring to the next six months as happening in The Old World, which no one finds as amusing as me. I need to find a way to get into every museum I can and spend as long as possible inside them. I really do love being in nature, but very very old pieces of paper are generally not allowed to be Outdoors, and I want to be with very very old pieces of paper.
I’m fully convinced that if I ever break my no-pills-or-powders rule, I will be gone within three years at the absolute maximum, and there will be no silver lining and no dignity to the entire affair. More and more often, I cannot differentiate between anxiety and prudent self-preservation, paranoid leaps in logic or prophetic instinctual knowledge. The drug thing is genetic, and I’m specifically fine with frantic California sobriety as a symptom of my neuroses.
I keep buying small journals because I am trying to convince myself that I am the kind of person who prefers the intimacy and tradition of writing pen-to-paper. Four journals varying widely in dimension, paper type, layout, and date of purchase glare at me from their dusty home on my desk. Instead, my Notes app is filled with several hundred Notes sprawling across six years of iCloud. Titled things like “i like how babies dress but not in a weird way/i wish i could dress like a baby but not in a weird way i just like their outfits” or a list of every single thing I can think of that differentiates my mother and myself (the list is alarmingly short and the vast majority is dedicated to food one of us does or does not like).Â
I know that I am taking it all too seriously. I would like to be someone’s muse in theory. In practice, I am too high-strung, and wanting to be someone’s muse is a deeply meaningless and annoying goal to even mostly-joke about having.Â
Feb 19, 2024
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There’s just something about finding an album you love on CD or cassette. like I don’t just stream my favorite songs I OWN THEM
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I love being alone so much that I think I need to do the opposite, but some of yall need to learn how to be comfortable being alone … like no more serial dating babe, please
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