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We all go one day. I lost my beloved dog today, years too early. This is going to be incoherent as I am miles away from earth but I just want to put this out there.
I let him sleep on the couch, I went to his favorite spot with him whenever I could, I scratched every part of his body when he wanted me to. Because I loved him.
I have no regrets. Today is a nightmare but I have no guilt because there was nothing but love. And so I tell you to be loving and gentle and loud about it. We are here briefly and we can only do so much. Tell your friends they're great, tell a stranger you like their shirt, tell the world you love that there is love all around.
I think you (yes, you) are beautiful and brave and inspiring. And I believe in you
Let someone know how much you care. Life can be so pretty.
Apr 13, 2025
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It's been a week since my brother Jacob passed. He was the last person I expected to go—an extremely active cyclist, hiker, and traveler. We still don't know what exactly happened, but in a matter of only half an hour he went from making his breakfast to his heart stoping.
So many of his traits I admired so much felt like things I lacked; he was disciplined, reliable, and energetic. He traveled the world and made friends across the whole globe, it seems. He was always adept at math, a subject I always struggled with.
He was only 18 months my junior. I literally can't remember my life without Jacob in it. At some points in our childhood he felt like my shadow. Since we were homeschooled during the early years of my life we spent so much time together. I took that for granted, but now I'm so grateful for all the hours of fort building, hole digging, camping, biking, basketball, getting destroyed by him playing NBA Live and womping on him in Mortal Kombat.
I really regret simply assuming he knew how much I loved him. We were brothers. We fought, argued, and teased each-other. He was such an appendage to my day-to-day that I didn't ever stop to tell him how dear he was to me, how proud I was of all he'd done, how grateful I was for all he contributed around the house and with the family, and how jealous I was of his fearlessness with change and travel.
People ask how I'm holding up, and it's hard to answer because—all things considered— I am doing alright. The hardest times are when my brain and nervous system still haven't realized he's gone: hearing the creak of a door and expecting him to walk in after a bike ride—his cycling shoes clinking on the tile; learning some soccer news and wanting to text him about it; feeling eager to get his feedback on something I cooked.
But the most difficult thing has been encountering the pity and sorrow people have shown toward me, because that somehow reveals the scope of the loss and the depth to which folks cared about him and care about me. Knowing we share some impacts of this loss breaks my heart. I so deeply appreciate all the offers of help and reaching out, and yet I have nothing to offer. I have nothing for which to ask. My brain just short-circuits.
Perhaps the best thing you can do for me is to let your loved ones know how you feel. Find one person you have maybe taken for granted and share your love clearly so that they truly know how much you treasure them because they won't always be around.
May 6, 2024
My dog Mina passed away on Saturday. Understandably, I am unwell.
She was mine before she was ours. I met her when she lived at the dog shelter I worked at. She was so badly behaved, but she was also the sweetest cuddle bug once you got past it. She’s the only dog that I would weep at the prospect of her not being in my life. I’m now grappling with that, 10 years later.
Mina was the sweetest dog, but she was not easy. Anyone with a leash/barrier reactive dog will know what I mean. She also had bad knees and at one point needed surgery, meaning I carried her 50lbs up and down three flights of stairs multiple times a day. Despite all of it, she lived a very full life. We went on a lot of adventures. She made so many human, dog, and cat friends. She helped many dogs become acclimated to living in a home. She helped me foster a baby kitten. She loved and protected my kids.
There are people we’ve notified because they love me, then there are people we’ve notified because they love both of us. I love thinking of all those people. It’s been comforting to me that they all say a similar thing- that I love and cared for her better than most people could or would.
I’ve realized that when someone I love dies, I always worry that they didn’t know how much I loved them. With Mina, I have no doubt that she knew. For the past 10 years I structured my life with her best interest in mind, and I would do it all again and again. She was and always will be my soul dog 💗
Nov 25, 2024
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I watched my brother die of cancer at 22 when I was twelve, as well as my uncle of brain cancer and a few other members of my family. I then had a similar type of rare sarcoma cancer that my brother did when i was 20, and I was just talking to friends about this last night!
I think the most powerful thing we can do as humans is understand our mortality. Once we understand that we're just meat sacks with no universal truth beside death, we can exist in a manner that aligns with meaningful connection.
I advise you tell people things you need to tell them, whether you love them or you think something they're doing is not serving them.
Be justified and trusting in all your decisions for yourself because you have to now.
I'm so sorry this is coming as a shock to you so suddenly. this is hard shit to reckon with at first. But just like my brother said while being interviewed on CNN during our MLB ballpark tour raising awareness in '06:
"I live every day like I'm dying"
Jul 25, 2024
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