iām so worried for the future. while i try to just live in the present, iām afraid ill never be able to really make it in any art, and it will just be relegated to hobby. iāve always been an artist, iāve been writing, and painting, singing, and acting since i was a child. thereās nothing i feel more deeply in my bones than artistry. there is nothing i feel defines me more, i am full of an insatiable providence to engage and really make something. i donāt care what it is, if itās music, or acting in films, or physical art, i an ordained to act as a vessel for things to be seen. but i understand, its not a career of value, or the industry is competitive, and it breaks my heart to think i may never be able to fully commit myself to it all.
already, i find myself making exceptions, applying as a film studies major, because it would be more versatile, but still allow me to work closely with those circles. if i canāt be within i can stay close. but i will miss it, sidelined, benched.
i guess iām in early mourning of a dream.
