🌓
i find confidence
in that i will always change,
and be changing.
you see the moon
cycle through its phases.
the moon and i know
it’s always just us
-fae out 😪
~/~ number of times i hesitated to post this :3
(not my dad i saw this on instagram after i made this post and thought it fit here pretty well. Father gets it)
2d ago
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When I was little and we would drive back from a religious event for a god I didn't believe in, the car tense in ways that you only understand if you know too much about your parents and they know nothing about each other or you, my little sister asleep in the back next to me, I'd watch the moon. It was comforting finding her shining up there. So far away from my small life, so cold, so bright.
And then when I was a bit older, fully embroiled in my Percy Jackson obsession, I'd picture Artemis up there as the moon, bounding along by, always watching over me. I'd think of Thalia and the other Huntresses and pledge to myself never to sacrifice myself for a man after seeing what they could do to the women I knew. I'd walk home from swim practice or be back in my parents car, talking to Artemis in my head, not believing she was actually there, but needing someone who was listening.
In college, going home late from a friend's apartment, or just a late evening in the lab, I'd walk with one earbud in pepper spray in hand, alert. But I'd always pause to look at the moon, feeling grateful, protected against all reason in the moonlight. My constantly changing consistent friend.
And now I don't see her as much, rarely outside at night undistracted. I pause every time I do though. A silent reminder of how small I really am in the face of everything. Not alarming but soothing somehow. I'm doing my best, I don't have to be perfect. She will always be there to watch me go on.
Feb 16, 2025
🌊
i toss and i turn with the pillow staying put,
welcoming a new wave of anxiety with each movement
2:18 on the clock and the fan adds more momentum to my unattainable thoughts
buried in the need to see, and learn the unknown
yet, i lay on the surface as a parched rock in the middle of my favorite beach,
reeking of the current simplicities of life
though its surely a blessing in disguise which i might recall five years from now
standing by, holding onto my innocence, waiting to believe in a miracle or see a comet pass by in the dark night sky
Mar 1, 2025
because i’ve been trying to be more intentional with my time and it made me feel something so i sat with the feeling for awhile before opening my notes app:
I see bears playing pool in the window on my lap in some faintly-brushed dimension whose green felt I’ll never touch. There’s an echo of a lyric in my head (“you don’t have to leave, you could just stay here with me”) that somehow stretches past the incidentals of whether the words are true in fact & makes them true, somehow, a hand pushing through some clotted veil to let the light of all those days ago pass through, when I thought all I had to do was have the right argument. prove a God to someone who left Him long ago. now it’s a light in my chest, this thing I argued for, and a hint of a cicada (just its shell) on a tree, & sometimes I am clawing through the dirt with all my friends who can’t see that their fingernails have not been clean in so so long. For all our digging we can’t stop looking at the stars; for all our looking at the stars, we can’t stop the linoleum lights flickering above the pool table, for all the chapped lips and fraying eyeliner and all our tiny scars we skip where we can and push our way through the rest.
15h ago
Top Recs from @fadedfae
i struggle with this in my day to day life. i mostly exist feeling the world around me through a translucent shelter. this feeling is another me, in a way. they seek to deflect reality from me to some degree, for my own sake. they always know what they should say and when they should say it. they know when silence is appropriate. but, they can only speak for me. and i for them. we are one, but we’ve grown used to operating as a pair all too well. i allow them to guide me through 80% of my life because operating Me is exhausting. mfw im forced to exist in present day america as someone who is probably autistic, probably a trans girl, and probably won’t be certain of either for years to come dadadadada whatever u get it. all that to say this is me practicing being radically honest. so fuck what y’all think (<3) bc i’m real. which brings me to my final point. regardless of whether u want to be me (or anyone else), you can’t. you’re you. and you’re just as real, so fuck what i think (<3).
-fae out 🖕💞
~/~ number of times i hit backspace :3000
2d ago
me personally? i just loooovee being on the train (with headphones) man it don’t even matter who i’m with or where i’m going. being on the train (with headphones) is just 💞💞💞
-fae out 🚉
~/~ number of things i’ve accidentally lost on the CTA :3
1d ago