♥️
Yesterday evening I gathered with some friends for the evening. Because of what a number people have been navigating, this friend group is relationally disconnected and trust has been fractured in some ways. It's been rough. I'm surprised that several people came. I'm surprised that I came.
After I got to the host house, I could feel the tension within myself. Knew that in order to show up my best, I needed to unwind, consolidate, merge into my true self more than I was in the moment.
In the old days, before I quit drinking over two years ago, I would have wanted a drink. Something to calm the nerves, relax me, take the edge off.
But last night I realized: things have changed. No drink needed. Want I want now is a dance. So I drifted back out to the parking lot, put my headphones on, queued up "Hungry Heart," and started moving.
Swaying, swinging, flapping my arms, and unburdening my soul.
And then I was myself again,
grinning joyfully,
defiantly—
then I joined the others,
and was fully there for all that came.
"I need a dance" is a pretty damn good addiction to have.
Are you with me?
2d ago
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been in the existential, depression, spiral, identity crisis, world crisis, questioning everything since about August, finally coming to terms that it won’t just go away. So I danced the fuck out of myself for an hour. Felt so good.
Apr 27, 2025
My shoulders flick, my arm twitches, foot taps, now my leg is moving, both legs in fact—and my whole body is following suit—swinging and swaying, headphones are in or the speaker is blaring, John on vocals—“wait, oh yes, wait a minute, Mr. Postman”—George on lead guitar, Paul backing and laying down heavy bass lines, Ringo slashing at the drum: “Mr. Postman, look and see, see if there’s a letter there for me”—and now I’m in full dance, leaning and hopping, doing the lawnmower, the ice skater, the hot coals, inventing new moves, absolutely owning the moment, slaughtering the moment, absolutely beating it to death, there’s never been another dance moment like this—“you gotta wait a minute, oh yeah, wait a minute, oh yeah”—and then it’s over and I’m done and I’m moving on, as if nothing happened, no one knows, but I know and it did happen, it definitely happened, a joyful moment, a moveable feast: every second a gift.
Dec 20, 2024
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Back in the spring/summer of 2020, I helped tether myself to reality by dancing. I woke up and danced. I ate lunch and danced. I danced into the evening. Every day was filled with me dancing mostly alone in my living room. I shared a lot of my dancing on instagram, most of it to close friends only. As we were all in the thick of it together, it didn't feel weird to do so. Something that would feel egotistical and embarrassing now was acceptable then. I would love to share my dancing once again, but the path has yet to reveal itself. I am always navigating the balance of wanting to be private and wanting to be seen on the internet. One day, maybe, you'll find me on here willing to bare my dancing soul. Until then, I look back to those mainly awful months of 2020 with gratitude for the virtual connection I was able to have.
Mar 10, 2025
Top Recs from @mattshawsome
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this is worthy of celebration: the lack of video—autoplay video, noisy inane video, panicky video, algorithmic, dumb video, rabbit hole video, any video—on pi.fyi is a good thing
Oct 5, 2024
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this is going to hurt — A LOT — but it's getting to the point where there's no other option
Mar 11, 2025