"sitting with uncomfortable feelings" "making peace with ambiguity" and "self-regulating" is not working out like i want it to rn (i truly believe that going to prison could save me)
has provided reality checks or just something to bounce back against, can crank out a paragraph of feelings in peak moments of need. as i have now received as I struggle to sleep “Here’s the hard truth: if you have to constantly prompt someone to share their inner world, they don’t actually want to share it. Not the way you do. You can’t anxiety-manage your way into someone being more emotionally available.” EEK!! ☹️
I have been dealing with this for almost a year. There were some events that I think kicked it off. Maybe worse since the pandemic started. But! What has been really helpful is understanding that anxiety is showing up in the body because the body does not feel safe. Anxiety is a message to the brain! And sometimes that mechanism gets all fked up and misfires. Doing somatic therapy with a therapist that I really like and think values my concerns has been helpful. I do body and environmental awareness exercises. These help me increase my sense of safety and trust of myself. It's gotten about 15% better since I started. I hope you feel relief soon. Shit is so hard.
i was so so sad at work yesterday and i guess my coworker heard it in my voice and then asked me to share the highlight of my day (but phrased it in a way that his day was so mid that he wanted to hear some good news) and i didnt rly have anything much so i said how i made myself a sandwich for lunch and i usually dont eat properly so it made me happy. and then him and my other coworker just got super excited about it and asked for all the details and even when i was like its only a veggie sandwich nothing special they hyped it up and it rly made me feel important. i still felt down for the rest of that shift bc i was in my own head but at least in that moment they really made me feel better and i was grateful for their efforts.