Something I didn’t fully understand when I became a mother is really how much extra mental load you take on each time you have a kid. It is really so much logistical shit to keep track of. I am one of six, and my mom did a fantastic job of all of that stuff. We were always well fed, our home always clean, we always were on time for all the various things we each were doing. And it really was all her- at most, my dad was basically just following her orders. Her love language is definitely acts of service and every time she comes to visit I have to remind her to relax because she’s always trying to do stuff for us 😂
I love a lot of things about being a mom, but simply getting to know my children and building a strong relationship with them is so joyous and rewarding every day 💗
May 11, 2025
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happy mothers day to you elfie! it brings me so much hope and joy the way you talk about motherhood
May 12, 2025
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My mom is a wounded person that has never once worked on her issues. We are in an okay place now, honestly because I am now married and have children. If it wasn’t for that, I don’t know where I would stand with her. She very obviously did not like me for most of my life (which is crazy because I’m delightful!). Because of that, I spent years not speaking to her while I worked on healing from all of that, plus more.
I’ve been thinking about your question a lot. I am a mother, but I also work with mothers. I am a child therapist that not only works with children, but also their parents. Most parents that bring their kids to me love their children, but don’t know what to do. I’ve witnessed parents that I know love their children, and I’ve seen give them so much love, also act in ways that are toxic or abusive. I think every single parent has generational trauma unless they have intentionally worked on it.
I’m going to try to share some of my thoughts, although it will probably never feel complete or right.
I am a good mother to a 3 1/2 year year-old and eight month old, Here is what I intentionally do: I give lots of physical affection, and lots of praise. I praise my children when they are doing some thing that is helpful, that is kind, that I know is difficult for them. I try to ignore negative bids for attention as long as they are not dangerous. If my child makes a mistake, I react like it’s no big deal. If I do lose my cool, which does happen, I model how to regulate myself and I apologize. I always repair when it’s needed. Every day, I work in telling them how much I love them, and how happy I am that I get to be their mother. My 3 1/2 year-old is still sometimes slow to warm, and I never once pushed him to detach for me before he was ready. When something stops working, I take the time to see where I need to adjust. Just about every evening I run through our day and think about what went well or didn’t, what was going on, how I reacted, how I was feeling, how my kids were feeling. As parents, we need to lead the emotional environment. I will sometimes look up where my kids are at developmentally to make sure I am not putting too much demand on them. I let my 3 1/2 year-old negotiate. I think negotiation is an important skill. When I say no, he knows I’m serious. It’s clear when negotiating is not going to happen. I pay attention to their attitude and behaviors and lead them to what will best regulate them. I embrace and engage their curiosity. I try my best to be a safe person for them so that no matter what, they know I’ve got their backs.
There is so much more that I could say, but I am going to stop there. All of that works for me because I am me, and my kids are who they are. I feel I should shout out my husband because he is an active father and partner, and I can be a good mother because of that support. As my kids age, I know there are going to be struggles. I know there are going to be things that come out of left field for me and I’m going to have to figure out how to handle it. But what I’ve learned in the few years I've been a parent is that no hard period lasts forever.
I learned how to be a mother because I learned how to mother myself first. I spent a lot of years learning how to care and love for myself. I feel very, very grateful for my past self. Focus on that first. Become Your Own Mother.
Nov 18, 2024
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Every year I ask myself:
Am I doing too much?
Am I splurging on dumb little gifts?
But then I remember that my mom literally gave me my life and everything I have and have experienced and she‘s my best friend forever and I love her to death.
So yeah. I’m not doing too much
Apr 29, 2025
She is the silliest, goofiest, most patient and loving mother I could have ever asked for. My mom is endlessly curious, strikingly intelligent, bitingly sarcastic, extremely outgoing, and will always go out of her way for the peace and comfort of those around her, even total strangers.
It drove me crazy in my insecure teenage years because my mom would call me beautiful but would claim she was never a real beauty. This is objectively nonsense and she absolutely always has been and still is the most loving and beautiful woman I know. We as women are too hard on ourselves and it pains me that we’re taught to shrink/diminish our sparkle from a young age so as to appear humble and demure. Today I will again remind her that she is so beautiful inside and out and I am so grateful to be her daughter, love you momma! 💕
May 11, 2025
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May 31, 2025
In Tarot, The Fool is the first card in the Major Arcana, which represents the life cycle. These cycles we are continuously going through in our lives, not just once. The final card of the Major Arcana is The World (which I have tattooed very large on my thigh), which signifies the completion of a cycle and natural ascension into the next. We are then thrust back into the Fool, with a bit more wisdom.
The Fool as an archetype is one of joy, curiosity, spontaneity, and trust. The Fool is pure of heart, knowing that the Universe has got their back. This innate trust allows The Fool to be playful, to take risks, and truly believe everything will work out. The more we go through life and experience loss, grief, heartache, trauma, the harder it becomes to embrace this energy. I’ve found that as healing goes on, just as it’s shown in tarot, we return to this natural state of being. We start off as The Fool when we are wee little babies, and if we are lucky can return there a few cycles at a time, with more wisdom gained each time.
The goal of The Fool is to have positive experiences, maybe for fun, maybe to grow. There is an acceptance with The Fool, a kind of “this is what is, how can I make this work well for me?” Everything works out for The Fool because they don’t know it can’t. Anything we go through in life, we can use to grow. I personally believe we all could benefit embracing the archetypal energy of The Fool a bit more. The Fool doesn’t stop to worry what other people will think! The Fool does not fret about what if’s! The Fool is in the moment!
Jun 1, 2025
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Humans have always danced. It is part of who we are, yet we have been conditioned to be self conscious, to think that we do not move our bodies good enough. Dancing is beyond judgement. Dancing is not a skill, it is our soul moving through our bodies, expressed in movement. Dancing is healing. Dancing is bodily autonomy. Dancing is FUN! Any feeling you are feeling can be moved through with dance yet even alone, you fear looking foolish. Kill the judge in your mind, shut the fuck up, and MOVE 🌊
Apr 24, 2025