🌀
something i’ve been able to come to terms with lately is the fact that you really dont need closure. obviously this is more nuanced and dependent on the scenario than i make it sound, but what im talking about specifically is the idea of looking for an answer. like if i got ghosted by someone, i feel like trying to find a reason of why they may have ghosted me takes up more energy then just going “fuck it we ball” and accepting that it was probably never going to work out. sometimes its just not worth it to torment yourself about the past.
4d ago
Related Recs
👻
ghosting in the way we discuss it in popular culture isn’t real. people yak and yak about how you have to communicate if a fling isn’t working for you or you’ll hurt someone’s feelings; well, not responding to a text is a form of communication, and hurting someone’s feelings is just going to happen in dating. you don’t owe your time and some lame explanation to someone you’re not in a relationship with when the chemistry isn’t there.
i don’t say that to be a cynic or one of these “you are the only person in this world who actually matters” LA narcissists, but we are all way too beholden to each other and obsessed with being available to the point of self-harm.
when i am just starting to talk to someone and they apologize profusely for not texting back quickly, i feel really sad. why do we all feel like we have to be waiting by the phone, obligated to every person who wants to get a hold of us and shackled to responding like it’s a job? why is going to lunch with a friend and not looking at your phone suddenly something you need to apologize for? that’s not real human connection - that is a new, sick expectation manifesting as guilt, based on accursed technology that allows us to constantly be in contact when we shouldn’t be.
i hooked up with someone recently and went on one additional date, but we didn’t really connect that much and there just wasn’t chemistry between us, so the next time they texted asking about a date i didn’t respond.
i was overcome with this weird shame afterward based on this arbitrary concept that has popped up in the cultural zeitgeist. i felt like i owed this person who i had very little chemistry with some kind of explanation of why i didn’t think it would work out, and i felt like i was doing something wrong because i didn’t want to talk to this person about something as basic as “the vibe wasn’t there.”
rejection hurts, and ghosting is a form of rejection. it’s also completely valid. nobody owes me an explanation if they don’t feel like the date was good. nobody owes me constant communication. i am so tired of people feeling like they have to apologize for not being on their phone texting me back every second of the day. yeah, “ghosting” causes negative feelings. so does any form of rejection. you don’t owe someone you weren’t in a relationship with closure. not responding is the rejection and that is closure enough.
Jan 29, 2024
🚶
stranger in the library asking for a hug? pretend you're listening to music and walk away!
not enjoying that dicey movie rec your friend sent you, cuz its a little too edgy? turn it off!
ur dating app match got too obsessed way too quickly, wont stop saying the l word? ghost em!
well- maybe the ghosting thing is controversial. but man i dont think we owe these fellas our time, keep your safe space safe even if that means walking away without telling them. maybe that's safer sometimes, too. i dunno. i also just dont like confrontation. oops.
Feb 17, 2025
🔇
i had to learn to let go of those exact questions as well.
although specific romantic situations weren't the main subject, therapy helped with reframing situations like this.
idk about you, but the why 'x' , should i 'y', how will i 'z' questions for me were often assuming some responsibility over what happened.
i think what i (and maybe you) needed to find out is why a fleeting connection upset me.
- did an interraction/ghosting make me feel insecure about my personality/looks?
- am i genuinely sad to be losing this person?
- am i missing the attention? (/did i think they were giving me something i can't [spoiler: you can] give myself?)
( +extra
why do i value their opinion [that i made up in my head because they never actually communicated it] of me more than my own?)
i believe most of these ghosting (-like) situations don't necessarily have as much depth. more than likely the ghoster hasn't made up an enormously morbid and horrendous picture of you in their head that made them uninterested.
i don't know if you met through a dating app but it's especially easy to lose connection on there.
there are some really cool and genuine people on there but very many humans like the rush of meeting someone new and once it's not giving them as much of the yummy brain chemicals they want the next thing. effort seems like a currency and unfortunately some run pretty low on those funds and periodicaly i do too (which is when i stop using the apps and save mine and others' time too).
and then of course there are personal reasons but anyway.
i try to look at brief connections like that as some warm up for someone really cool that's gonna come into my life and be grateful that it happened whatever way things turned out.
might be cool to write out some things that you are glad you experienced, things you learned about relationships and most importantly some things you learned about yourself!
i believe each person teaches something to you both about themselves and yourself, kinda like some sort of spiritual exchange
tldr:
- try not to assume responsibilty
- find out why it bothers you
- write down what you learned about yourself
Jul 21, 2024
Top Recs from @2seaters
🌐
seriously when did everyone get so mean. everywhere i look people are being mean, whether its being racist, homophobic, fatphobic, or catty and snarky. its especially bad on tiktok and instagram like do people not have empathy anymore??
Apr 30, 2025
i, like anyone else now, am incredibly attached to the little computer in my back pocket. however i can feel my mental health decreasing whenever i wake up and instantly go on instagram so i’ve begun scrolling on pinterest instead. its still not a great habit but id rather be barraged by cool pictures than the toxins of instagram reels
May 8, 2025
unfortunately this article is paywalled but its an excellent read so far. i attached some of my favorite and while funny, incredibly harrowing, moments of this piece. highly highly recommended to read
May 9, 2025