for years, i'd been terrified of the future, and I NEVER wanted to think about what i'd do with my life. it was overwhelming to think about where i wanted to end up while I hated the place that I was in. (◞‸◟,) but, over these past 2 years and ESPECIALLY over these past few months, I think i've finally found what I wanna do for the rest of my life, and with that, I think i've finally found myself. i'm taking real steps towards my dreams, and they don't feel so out of reach anymore. it's a big accomplishment to me that i'm very proud of. don't give up yall, u'll find ur place
( ੭ ˘ ³˘)੭°｡⋆♡‧₊˚
6d ago
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spent the last five or so years in a maze of ennui and self-pity, but i have in the last 18 months slowly been clawing my way towards something resembling the life i want to be living.
i can see the end of the tunnel now, but strangely that amplifies my impatience. when things seemed more hopeless it was perversely sort of freeing - i didn’t know where i should be going, so i wasn’t in a rush. now that i have the full map in my hands i have nothing left to do but drive towards the end. that’s exactly what i wanted, in a sense, but now i have the burden of actually executing on the promises i made to myself - turns out that’s harder than making the promises in the first place! who knew
Mar 3, 2025
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To be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
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I allow myself to move through ny life at breakneck speed in order to get to the next “thing”— whether thats a job, life stage, relationship, goal, etc.. i have been doing this since I was 15. It wasn’t until this last summer/fall that I stopped to look around at the life I had built and fully feel everything! I enrolled in a grad program 2 years ago, at the encouragement of my partner, and this past fall I really started to see myself in this career. I feel energized by my work and research, I feel cared for by my department. I feel like a fulfilling career is awaiting me, yet I am taking the time to feel settled in my current service job and internship, careful not to rush past the mundanity and sweetness of my life now. I have everything ahead of me, truly what is my hurry?
Feb 19, 2025
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this HUGE freak is native to New Zealand and I love them soso bad. I don't know how u'd even begin to conquer this thing in battle, I'd get lost in those giant black orbs before I could make a move.......
May 25, 2025
🥬
recently, every time I've been eating salad, I've totally rawdogged the whole experience cuz I ran out of my fav (and only) salad dressing and I can't be bothered to get more. eating straight leaf is not that yummy.. but I kinda feel like a cute little mouse every time I do it. It makes me wonder if we should all be more open-minded people and consider this: maybe those crazy men on Instagram who eat raw, rotting meat only do it cause they wanna feel like a cute little mouse too. maybe we're all the same ( ˘ ᵕ˘(˘ᵕ ˘ )
May 27, 2025
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I am a crazy. freak. about. cheetahs. (⊙ᴗ⊙)
when I was younger, like, 7 years old, and we had free will in class to make a presentation or write a speech on whatever we wanted, I would always pick cheetahs. no matter HOW MANY times i'd already done a piece of work based on cheetahs... i'd always do it again. I would actually make presentations all about cheetahs, in my free time, for NOBODY but myself. (•_•) I would watch David Attenborough documentaries, except i'd skip every single part of them that wasn't about cheetahs, then i'd watch the section about cheetahs over... and over... and over again. every time a cute little cheetah was on the screen I was fucking mesmerized. I could, and STILL CAN, whip out 10 random cheetah facts from off the top of my head, and i'd be able to keep going way past 10 if u let me. (◎‿○)
(and, speaking of big cats... i'm also a freak about the way lion prides operate. ask me how the system of a lion pride works and how the lion king movie, as much as I LOVE IT TO DEATH, was totally inaccurate and simba would've been kicked from the pride anyways even if it wasn't for scar being a cunt. go on. I dare u.)
5d ago