Maybe I’m in a similar boat as you, because I don’t think I’ve truly felt sexual love, sex has always been something I am ashamed of after doing, but not in a regretful way, just I could go forever without it. It is not a necessity to me in a relationship.
Someone who truly loves you romantically though is like a warm cozy blanket. You can sit and stare and them and not think of a single flaw because you are just so in love. It feels good and comforting. Sometimes I miss it, but I know its better to be alone than to settle for what isn’t right for me.
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Honestly I could be some type of ace so this might be absolute nonsense. But I have loved a couple people and it has felt different every time. And I feel like it also feels different when you're in love with someone who loves you back vs when they don't. The desire to be closer, wanting more and more of a person. But if you have them, feeling settled when they are around. For me the way I love every person feels different. So it's hard to compare and hard to describe. Maybe this means I haven't truly been in love with anyone at all. I feel like I have. The love I feel for my closest friends is still love. It's warm and bright. It makes you more present. You think of them more. Everything else fades into the background.
I wouldn't think about it too hard. There are millions of songs and stories and movies about it. But it's so case specific. You should just nurture the types of relationship and love that you have and that you want to keep. Explore what you feel a desire to explore. I get wanting a confidant and feeling lonely, you should look into queer platonic relationships maybe.
6d ago
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I love my partner, and doing monogamy has made me learn a lot of things about myself, and I love being able to share so much with him, but I‘ve been missing what it felt like to have multiple people I was infatuated with. I feel like I am a lover boy deep beneath it all, and being able to be a lover boy with everyone without worrying about crossing my partners boundaries was a very free feeling. Now, when I harmlessly flirt, I get an immense amount of guilt overthinking if I took it too far.
Finding lovers throughout your life is what makes life worth living. Being romantically involved with someone has a way of changing everything about your life in so many lovely ways. Little gifts, little kisses. Wine drunk, and giggling. Best friends become lovers become friends again.
Feb 28, 2025
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this is an incredibly unoriginal take, i know, but sometimes it’s nice to just have someone to hold and be held.
to have a person.
solitude is nice,
but i’m experiencing the fleeting yet grounding feeling for the first time in my life that i am utterly helpless in the arms of another. it is not obsession in the traditional sense. it is not settling for what you can get.
it’s a feeling that i couldn’t possibly articulate. it’s the visceral and raw pulling in my chest at the thought of my person.
i don’t know exactly what this feeling is but it’s the loveliest and most nauseating notion i have ever had.
Feb 19, 2025
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2d ago
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care of yourself
your friends
your parents
anyone special in your life
i am excited for june and july and august
and for being slow and intentional
May 30, 2025