đź”—
i used to find it strange how much emphasis i put on belonging. my mother impressed upon me as a child that sentimentality to a place was unnecessary and ultimately detrimental, her viewpoint forged by a detachment to the country she'd fled at 24 following two wars. i think that just made me grow to desire belonging more, alongside the fact that i was keenly aware of my status as an 'outsider' within the country i was raised in, a 'third culture kid' (i hate that term). i tried to fashion a home out of my highschool campus, lingering far beyond the end of school to greet the kids who were coming back from track and field practice or band, feeling as though i was a staple of their rest periods, staying over until late in the evening. that was cut short in 2020, i dont think i really recovered from it. i spent the first few years after high school convincing myself that i needn't a concrete, tangible place to belong and anchor myself to, that the tendency i had to linger around my old campus was holding me back, that instead i should look to belong to people rather than places. paradoxically, i instead learned to belong to my ex-partner's dorm room, where i'd nap before classes and linger while she'd be away, and would dread going back to my apartment and instead relish in the transient time spent out of time. the next few years i convinced myself that i did, in fact, need a place to belong to in this sprawlingly hostile city, somewhere where i felt welcomed yet simultaneously naturally blended in the background of. my vampiric constitution meant i had a hard time impressing myself upon cafes, clubs, libraries, or other third spaces, always feeling like i needed a direct invitation in, as though i somehow wasn't welcome; as though i wasn't human. i rubber-banded back to that initial predisposition i had when i first entered university, looking for someone whom i could attach myself to. and it worked for a while, i felt accomplished and i felt happy being in service and of use to somebody, but i realize now that was no real way to live, and that i'd largely shirked my own comfort and wants in favour of appeasement at all costs just for the chance at maybe finally belonging to something. ive begun going to the same coffee shops and bookstores on daily walks. its nice to feel recognized, to feel seen by other people and reciprocate that feeling back. i don't know how to live with it, but i want to stop living without it. i find a lot of hegel a little reductive, but the one point that neo-hegelians stress that i think is crucial is the need to see yourself reflected in others. go outside, talk to someone, but most importantly foster connections so you can see yourself reflected in other people and places.
3d ago
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In a world and in a political landscape where it is so easy to despair, looking into the eyes of another human being and really listening while they speak means so much. The more you seek connection with others, the more opportunities for joy and belonging will open up to you. It is so easy to feel downtrodden, isolated and afraid nowadays. My own tendency to isolate in times of stress and sadness has often left me little energy to think outside of myself and my immediate circle. There are times to turn inward, but it is so much more valuable when those times of reflection are met with connection. I, like so many, have had unhealthy ways of coping with my own traumas and grief, my insecurities and broken heart. Over the last year, I have put in real work to better myself, to respect myself, and in garnering this renewed self-love, I've found I have more to give tenfold. Eating well and moving my body really does wonders, gives me more energy and inspiration to take care of myself, and by proxy those around me. I suddenly want to read more, cook more, engage in more meaningful conversation, take on new projects with friends that will enrich our lives.
I've been feeling so existential and sentimental recently, in an extreme way I've never experienced before, because it is paired with the efforts I've made to treat myself differently and better. For the first time in what feels like a very long time, I actually find myself wanting to make the most of my life, of life in general, instead of lying in wait for some invisible, impending threat, or even merely waiting for things to maybe work out in an acceptable, tepid way someday. I want to make the most of everything. I think this is the key to sustained happiness and hopefulness–—listening to what your body wants, treating it as well as you can, and using the stamina you achieve to connect with others and be present in the world. It may all be doomed, but I still see beauty around me simply by not turning away from it anymore, enough beauty to really, really believe that it is such an exquisite accident to be alive.Â
Mar 7, 2025
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A little personal, but being non-binary, I grew up very dissociated from my body and my time, so I don’t remember a good chunk of my formative years and have retained none of my hobbies. Recently tho, I have been trying to piece myself back together, so I have been spending a lot of time on my own. Another thing about me is that I have crushes everywhere I go, so I spend a lot of time loving others. After breaking-up with an ex that made me feel very neglected qnd unappreciated, I decided that I was going to give myself as much love and attention as I give my crushes and lovers. This has changed me.
I just let myself feel my feelings and get carried away by them. I get myself little treats and flowers, I get myself little treats and gifts. I organize little fun dates/plans for myself where I engage in new hobbies. Small manageable things that don’t feel too overwhelming to learn, like decorating Altoids tins with collage or journaling. By letting myself navigate the world through my feelings, I’ve discovered what I like, dislike, and developed little rituals and habits that I can then tell other about and share.
Social media has helped me that way, surprisingly. I treat my instagram like a scrap book and use it to document my feelings with shitposts and photos; the visual story telling makes me appreciate the little things. Pinterest allows me to collect things I like and develop a taste with no effort and no consequences, and I end up with huge pin boards full of pictures and art I love and that make me feel particular things I can name and explore. This app has been good for that too.
It takes time, love, self-compassion, and trust. Trust that the love others give you is legitimate. Trust that you are liked for a genuine reason. Trust that the mundane is magical by itself, love it for that. Trust that you don’t need to be special to be worthy of love, you can just be a person and that’s really cool <3
Mar 11, 2024
From the Atlantic: ”There is no statistical record of any other period in U.S. history when people have spent more time on their own.”
I don’t know anything about you—how funny is that? I couldn’t even begin to guess what your life looks like. I couldn’t spot you in a crowd. If I were a friend, I’m sure I could give better advice. Perhaps suggest joining a local group  I know of, or a class at the gym that always puts me in a good mood. Perhaps introduce you to someone I’ve always thought you’d get along with.Â
The beautiful thing about the internet is that you can ask this question to the void and the void speaks back. It’s so much easier this way, but so much worse.Â
Geography, family, shared interests, shared labor. Community used to be inescapable. We still depend on each other for everything, but we do it all at a distance. I’ll chat for an hour with a friend across the country, but I know nothing about the people across the street. It’s a selling point if the grocer can name the farmer who grew your food. I could have been writing this to send to a distant family member, who I want to reconnect with, or an old friend—instead I’m writing to you, a stranger. It’s easier. Our community ties have been broken.Â
So: what do you, an individual, do? You may find more success if you develop individual friendships tied to a place—several articles about the loneliness epidemic talk about the gym—or a group that meets regularly. Apparently, the best way to beak down peoples’ walls is just to see them constantly. This is true for new friends and for deepening relationships. For those friends and acquaintances you’d like to be closer to, keep inviting them to shit. Set your boundaries, but keep trying. The thing about people is that everybody is interesting and confusing and stupid and wise and mean and wonderful—but it’s safer to spill all that on the internet, where no one can spot you in a crowd. Let people know that you’re around and interested no matter what, and see what happens. It will take a long time, but it’ll be worth it. Not just for you, but for them. For everyone, if we all put the effort in.Â
I’m sorry—it shouldn’t be this way. But we have to try. We’re all counting on each other <3
Apr 23, 2024
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it’s not suicidal ideation it’s something meaningfully different, the feeling of wanting to phase out of existence for a few days/weeks/months/years and come back when you’re ready. i feel like my entire life ive hinged my willingness to live on far flung dates in the future. i have a vivid memory of me being in 8 years old convincing myself everything will be alright if i can just live to see the premiere of the need for speed movie (i never watched it). the need to have something in the distance to live for is something i wish came endemically, but instead im constantly searching for whatever thing/person i need to stake my life on. it’s why i think i want to disappear for a bit, just to see if anything changes. maybe i need some r&r or maybe i need to get a grip. jury’s out.
Jun 7, 2025
i’ve been going out more, i’ve been trying to stay sane, i’ve been mostly searching for confirmation that theres not something fundamentally and inextricably wrong with me. i think it’s easy to tacitly believe in your own worth but it’s harder to act in a way that respects yourself, it’s far easier to denigrate yourself to the point of worthlessness than it is to come to terms with the fact that you may still have potential and value. misery is an intoxicating and inviting feeling. there is a perverse pleasure in being miserable and convinced of your inalienable worthlessness. i’m looking for god in my city, i need to put my faith in something so i don’t blow my brains out. every time i pass a church i contemplate praying, im not even christian. there’s an allure to offloading all that exhausting heavy lifting of finding a reason to live over to some deity. i might ask a pastor or the next person i see if there’s any hope for my redemption. comment down below what you’re doing to stay sane
Jun 7, 2025
Recently bought the 100 Classic Book Collection for the Nintendo DS. Pretty unreadable, but I love the novelty!
Jun 2, 2025
