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💔
A piece I wrote last year, right after the first time someone left me.
That urge to find their eyes in other faces — and failing — feels painfully familiar again.
Jun 27, 2025
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🫀there's no standard treatment for a broken heart. i sigh quietly to myself, thinking i’ll actually find an answer on how to heal a broken heart on google
it all began five years ago, when i finally started spending time with him—the boy who seemed to shine a little brighter than the rest. he was the kindest, the prettiest, the one who made my heart feel lighter just by existing. and he wanted to be my friend. how could i not fall?
kept the friendship up for a couple of years and my crush for him grew even stronger. sometimes he would come up in my dreams and then i would try to summon fate itself—manifesting, wishing, aching for him to love me back. because, as every girl knows, there is always a phase where we believe the universe listens. and so, i rinsed and repeated, hoping one day, he would look at me the way I looked at him
when we messaged or meet up, he felt like my twin flame. a connection so deep, so natural, that i convinced myself he must feel it too. he understood me, and i understood him
but i never felt that he liked me as much as i liked him.
and then, it ended—not with a dramatic farewell, not with a grand confession, but with silence. I ruined it in my own quiet way: fading out, withdrawing, blocking him, letting the messages go unanswered. I stopped reaching out, and so did he. it was as if we had been a story left unfinished, pages ripped from the book before the final chapter could be written
it has been four months since we last spoke. and now, he has a girlfriend. may I add—throughout our years of friendship, he never had one. situationships, yes, but never something real. yet, here she is. not me.
the day I found out, it struck me in a way I hadn’t expected. I had let him slip from my thoughts, let weeks pass without missing him—until I saw what I had once longed for, in the hands of someone else. I hadn’t realized I was still holding onto the dream until it shattered before me.
now, my mind drifts to what could have been. I picture myself in her place, feel the ghost of a life that was never mine. would he have loved me, if I had held on? if I had tried? was I ever good enough for him? wasn’t I pretty enough for him…? why… her… not… me…?
time is meant to heal. i know this. but this wound runs deep. losing someone you once felt connected to in the deepest corners of your soul is a quiet kind of grief, the kind that doesn’t announce itself loudly but lingers in the spaces between thoughts. my heart feels heavy, my soul even heavier
but today, i miss him more than usually. i’ve fallen to deep, so now every time i think of him, i will miss him deeply.
it all began five years ago, when i finally started spending time with him—the boy who seemed to shine a little brighter than the rest. he was the kindest, the prettiest, the one who made my heart feel lighter just by existing. and he wanted to be my friend. how could i not fall?
kept the friendship up for a couple of years and my crush for him grew even stronger. sometimes he would come up in my dreams and then i would try to summon fate itself—manifesting, wishing, aching for him to love me back. because, as every girl knows, there is always a phase where we believe the universe listens. and so, i rinsed and repeated, hoping one day, he would look at me the way I looked at him
when we messaged or meet up, he felt like my twin flame. a connection so deep, so natural, that i convinced myself he must feel it too. he understood me, and i understood him
but i never felt that he liked me as much as i liked him.
and then, it ended—not with a dramatic farewell, not with a grand confession, but with silence. I ruined it in my own quiet way: fading out, withdrawing, blocking him, letting the messages go unanswered. I stopped reaching out, and so did he. it was as if we had been a story left unfinished, pages ripped from the book before the final chapter could be written
it has been four months since we last spoke. and now, he has a girlfriend. may I add—throughout our years of friendship, he never had one. situationships, yes, but never something real. yet, here she is. not me.
the day I found out, it struck me in a way I hadn’t expected. I had let him slip from my thoughts, let weeks pass without missing him—until I saw what I had once longed for, in the hands of someone else. I hadn’t realized I was still holding onto the dream until it shattered before me.
now, my mind drifts to what could have been. I picture myself in her place, feel the ghost of a life that was never mine. would he have loved me, if I had held on? if I had tried? was I ever good enough for him? wasn’t I pretty enough for him…? why… her… not… me…?
time is meant to heal. i know this. but this wound runs deep. losing someone you once felt connected to in the deepest corners of your soul is a quiet kind of grief, the kind that doesn’t announce itself loudly but lingers in the spaces between thoughts. my heart feels heavy, my soul even heavier
but today, i miss him more than usually. i’ve fallen to deep, so now every time i think of him, i will miss him deeply.
Feb 28, 2025
Rec
♥️And at the sight of her, my little felt heart is ripped at the seams. Thrashed red yarn rumpled all in my hands, with my stuffing dirtying the floor. A face like a code; her blue eyes the keys to my little red heart now open for her inspection. Our memories lie on the floor.
-Me
-Me
Apr 21, 2025
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💔in a garden where the roses wither and tulips grow limp
where colors have never been touched by the enchantress above
in a garden covered with vines soaked in tears, slowly suffocating
forget-me-nots but not a grass blade stepped on
buried 6ft underground lies the hope and faith that once ran through my bloodstreams
when's it gonna be my turn?
**i wrote this at night when i found out one of my ugly guy friends got into a relationship before me LMAO i haven't been in one since 2021. no shade to him i just lost hope (still somewhat feel the same) lmk any critiques u have thnx!
**i wrote this at night when i found out one of my ugly guy friends got into a relationship before me LMAO i haven't been in one since 2021. no shade to him i just lost hope (still somewhat feel the same) lmk any critiques u have thnx!
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In times when solitude needs to be exorcised, drawing can be a ritual of release.
2d ago
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I first heard Combat Baby from this very album in my late teens — it carried a weight of melancholy that pulled me in from the sadness itself.
That urge to dance even when your heart is hanging by the last thread.
I stumbled back into it this week.
Listening to it now, I recognize it as a defining reference in my own sound. The use of piano and other keys alongside raw, unprocessed synths puts all the weight on the harmony — a harmony that forces me to leave behind that old world underground. You won’t find it anymore.
Listening to it now, I recognize it as a defining reference in my own sound. The use of piano and other keys alongside raw, unprocessed synths puts all the weight on the harmony — a harmony that forces me to leave behind that old world underground. You won’t find it anymore.
6d ago
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“I am in the world, I am of the world, I act within the world.
I am in myself, of myself, I act through myself.
Separate and united all at once, a tiny cog in a cosmic machine, I collaborate, I receive and give, I absorb and distribute.
My nakedness is total: no principle guides me, no law but nature’s.
If I say ‘I am,’ it is because, in the infinite multiplicity of beings and things, I have found my place — in the world and in myself; it is one and the same. I no longer need to search. I hold no image of myself. I am where I belong. Here, and everywhere, willingly bound.
I dwell in every speck of dust, every territory, every river’s path, every star, every part of my body. And how could I not respect the world, my bones and flesh? None of this matter is mine — it was lent to me, only for a fragment of time. And I revere it, for it is my temple, the temple where the unthinkable God resides. Spirit is matter, and matter is spirit. The universe is constantly birthing and bursting, and at its center, where I kneel, I am.
When I say ‘I am there,’ I mean ‘within that’ which sustains all life — the endless source of energy flowing through my mind, heart, and sex. Energies of sublime purity emerge from me, cleansing the world. I return fragrance to the air, sweetness to the river, fertility to the earth, and life to all oceans. There is no place in the cosmos where I am absent.
In every instant, I remain in the present. Neither past nor future binds me. No regrets, no plans. Constant, loyal to my place, I receive and I give. And when I say ‘I belong to the world and to myself,’ it means I give myself fully, uprooting even the darkest seed of judgment. I do not judge. I love, and I serve.
I do not separate, not even by a hair’s breadth. I belong — which means I venerate, I obey. That is why I am naked: naked like a tree, a bird, or a cloud. I am of my body, my flesh, and my blood. Being, I cannot abandon or be abandoned by myself. How could I not love what so lovingly possesses me?
As I give myself to the earth, I give myself to my flesh and bones. As I trust the oceans, I trust my blood. As I yield to the air, I yield to my skin. As I surrender to the stars, I surrender to my hair. And full of this love — love of a slave, radiant — I act upon the world and upon myself.
To act is to flow with the world: clearing obstacles, transmitting energy from beyond the stars. I enrich, I purify, I nourish, I understand, I cleanse. I act upon myself too: I open to all infinities, letting the breath of the gods pass through every pore of my blood. I allow all mysteries to pass through me. And in the center of my now-infinite womb, I receive — and birth — the totality of light.”
Alejandro Jodorowsky
If I say ‘I am,’ it is because, in the infinite multiplicity of beings and things, I have found my place — in the world and in myself; it is one and the same. I no longer need to search. I hold no image of myself. I am where I belong. Here, and everywhere, willingly bound.
I dwell in every speck of dust, every territory, every river’s path, every star, every part of my body. And how could I not respect the world, my bones and flesh? None of this matter is mine — it was lent to me, only for a fragment of time. And I revere it, for it is my temple, the temple where the unthinkable God resides. Spirit is matter, and matter is spirit. The universe is constantly birthing and bursting, and at its center, where I kneel, I am.
When I say ‘I am there,’ I mean ‘within that’ which sustains all life — the endless source of energy flowing through my mind, heart, and sex. Energies of sublime purity emerge from me, cleansing the world. I return fragrance to the air, sweetness to the river, fertility to the earth, and life to all oceans. There is no place in the cosmos where I am absent.
In every instant, I remain in the present. Neither past nor future binds me. No regrets, no plans. Constant, loyal to my place, I receive and I give. And when I say ‘I belong to the world and to myself,’ it means I give myself fully, uprooting even the darkest seed of judgment. I do not judge. I love, and I serve.
I do not separate, not even by a hair’s breadth. I belong — which means I venerate, I obey. That is why I am naked: naked like a tree, a bird, or a cloud. I am of my body, my flesh, and my blood. Being, I cannot abandon or be abandoned by myself. How could I not love what so lovingly possesses me?
As I give myself to the earth, I give myself to my flesh and bones. As I trust the oceans, I trust my blood. As I yield to the air, I yield to my skin. As I surrender to the stars, I surrender to my hair. And full of this love — love of a slave, radiant — I act upon the world and upon myself.
To act is to flow with the world: clearing obstacles, transmitting energy from beyond the stars. I enrich, I purify, I nourish, I understand, I cleanse. I act upon myself too: I open to all infinities, letting the breath of the gods pass through every pore of my blood. I allow all mysteries to pass through me. And in the center of my now-infinite womb, I receive — and birth — the totality of light.”
Alejandro Jodorowsky
6d ago