👋
Sister left to go back to the US today. The house is quiet again.
I’m glad we got to see her even if it was for just 2 weeks. There’s been talk about going to the US ourselves next year for my nephew’s high school graduation but we‘re hoping we get to see them all sooner. ☺️
She left a letter in my backpack. I’ll open it when I get home. Waterworks warning. Tears eminent.
Jul 1, 2025
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He texted me the day after my birthday. "I'm moving back north." With those four simple words, my best friend broke my heart. The housing crisis and academic job market left him no other choice than to leave Amsterdam - and by extension, me. Before he moved, we spent one last night in the city together, revisiting all the places where we'd made our favorite memories, asking each other "remember when..." until the sun set. We stayed at the swings that play music, then slept in the bed we'd shared so many times. And when the sun rose again, and the time came to go our separate ways, not knowing if and when we'd see each other again, it hurt just a little less to let him go.
Sep 1, 2024
Sometimes it just pops out of nowhere, sometimes it’s just a passing memory and sometimes out of the blue I feel the weight of what happened. I had a best friend, a person with which I connected in a way I never did with anyone. She moved out of the city and with that she stopped any communication with me. I miss her. I miss her so much. I feel like I must have fucked up big time for this to be happening. In our last call I told her I was worried we would lose contact with the distance and she told me it would never happen. I believed her. It’s a weird sadness; most of the time I can see clearly that more than try to text her I cannot do much and I’m angry or confused about the situation but it passes, I go by my day. But sometimes this wave of sadness arrives and I remember how she made me laugh, how she looked at me, the day we actually talked like friends for the first time and then it hits me that we might have spoken for the last time. how could that be? I still believe her. One day she’ll call me and my memories of today will fade and get replaced by others of us together.
I should have called her more, told her more times how I loved her, how she was beautiful, we should have gone to more concerts together, we should have said yes to that dude who wanted to interview us for a tiktok. We should have when there still was a we.
One day talking about relationships, I mentioned how incapable I am at letting go and how sometimes I start to resent the person I can’t let go for the things we do to each other. So maybe it’s all for the best, maybe I’m being spared, maybe it will save our memories from being tainted, maybe that‘s all the time meant for us. I don’t know but I wish I did.
Jan 18, 2025
❤️
My heart goes out to you and your family, this kind of this is never easy and is generally pretty fucking terrible all around. I lost my mom in 2018 after a pretty prolonged and slow to cease battle with cancer.
When she was in end-of-life care something small that helped her feel a bit better was trying to make the space as homey as possible. Lots of pictures, her favorite blanket, and a friend of hers even brought some large stuffed animals that lived on her bed. It was something small that helped in the immediate moment.
I also echo everyone here saying to prepare for the grief but also prepare to sit with it for longer than you think you’ll need. I was only home for about a week after she passed before going back to school across the country, and not having my family/hometown network to grieve with really stunted and prolonged my healing process.
Also a bit bleak, but my mom and I were able to have a sort of ”closing” convo where we said goodbyes, and she told me her wishes for me, etc. if you’re able, it was a really powerful conversation to have and something I hold close when I’m having a particularly hard grief day (which still happen 6 years out! All part of the process)💛
May 24, 2024
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I feel like I achieved something.
But also, I feel bored.
Jun 26, 2025
🔰
My girlfriend drove us home from the farmer’s market this morning. It was only a kilometer away but I’m proud of her. 😊
3d ago
So my dad ended up going to my gig the other night. So did my sister and my niece and ofc my girlfriend. My inner child was so happy.
Jun 30, 2025