I work as a camp counselor and I met a coworker a few months ago who I really connected with over the course of the week we spent together. We don't live close and we mutually decided it is harder to keep contact with someone you want to be with than to have no contact at all. We call or text maybe once every few weeks. He sent me a song saying it reminded him of me and our experience together. (unfortunately I will be gatekeeping) My heart hurts whenever the song comes on my shuffle. It makes me feel raw and exposed like he looked into my soul and... perceived me.

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sometimes it’s funny to listen to songs you’ve loved before when experiencing the thing the song is about. you know how they say that once you listen to ribs at different points of your life you see it from different angles? well, something like that is happening to me right now. it’s like i’ve never been this deep into yearning someone. it’s so weird and confusing. being in love is so different from everything i experienced honestly. at the same time, i think it feels exactly how i expected it to feel. and, i thought i’d never be able to fall in love, growing up on a town where everyone was exactly the same. the thought that maybe i could have met a boy who i could possibly like was crazy. now, i’m older than i was when i had that though, and meeting someone who i could possibly be falling in love with has changed my perspective in things. i yearn for love more than i ever did before. i think about the excitement and fluorescing feeling of the possibility all of the time. but, it’s everywhere, with it’s ups and downs. the excitement turns into sadness. the possibilities are moving me, but at the same time, they take me places of broken and harsh feelings. i know this is probably normal, but i’m sensitive. i believe i feel things more than other people do. so know i’m left with myself, chances, excitement, and harsh feelings. i think i’m hungry for his love, which is not something i wrote myself. that’s what lead me to the begging. listening to lover, you should’ve come over now that i feel this strange urge to be with a real person changed completely the way i see the song. very long post sorry!! just putting my feelings out there hehehe 💌
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this song lowkey sent me back months in healing! the lines “you probably think it’s a small thing that happened—the world ended when it happened to me” are soo real and i lowkey cried on the bus listening
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