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❤️
First off — wife and I are NOT divorcing. Just tossing that out there. I just think that as an 8-year-married person I am a VETERAN at this now and it’s only appropriate for me to bestow my wisdom upon you lesser folk.
Here’s how you save your (likely) failing union: SPLIT UP THE MUGS.
Sort of like a divorce “who gets what” situation, sit down and make it clear which mug belongs to who. Since I’m taller, I get the higher shelf and I’ve stacked it with aesthetic pleasing & purposeful mugs. There’s some Japanese milk glass, some hasami porcelain, and even some melamine — your boy knows and appreciates his materials. Sadly my wife doesn’t share that passion as she’s chosen to fill her bottom shelf with “sentimental value” mugs; some were gifted to her by friends, others were purchased on weekends away, some are from her fav little shops, etc.
You see the divide right? I’m very intentional about cool mugs, she’s very into lame mugs — clearly an issue. By splitting these down the middle, not only can we avoid conflict, but we’re got the mugs portion down locked in case she ever does want to divorce me (highly unlikely).
In all seriousness, I’ve grown to appreciate my wife more because of this, and see how she thinks. When we have guests over, she always tries to assign a mug to a person because of a moment or memory. It might be a Disney mug to a friend that was on our 2020 pre-Covid trip. It might be a corny mug her mom got her from Ross over the holidays that she keeps to give to her mom when she’s over for coffee, a nice little gesture. So am I heartless??? NO. I’m just different. I like to bring the best materials and experiences to our guests. My friend who loves black coffee will appreciate it better with a porcelain mug. My industrial design obsessed coworker will love feeling a niche & entirely unnecessary military grade plastic mug that’s somehow approved to be used for warm liquids??? Anyways — LOOK, we’re different and we love our differences and we love people differently. And splitting the mugs really allowed me to learn about how my wife loves people differently than I do, and love her even more for it.
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💍"Stay hungry and stay foolish" is about the posture of humility, of curiosity, of intentional unknowning.
You think you know her. It's true: you do, enough to get married. But she's complex and marvelous and nearly infinite. Know that you'll never really know everything—but take joy in being a perpetual student of her. Seek to discover, uncover, and be surprised every day. And tomorrow she'll be a little bit different than today and really different in a year. That's wonderful. The she that you married won't be the she in ten years. Endless delights and discovery.
Violently avoid complacency in your marriage. Be comfortable together but avoid getting too comfortable. Don't take her for granted. And if you feel like she's taking you for granted, then tell her you feel that way—say it lovingly, over dinner and with champagne and with a smile—but definitely say something.
Say something. If you can't let it go and forgive it, then you've got to surface it. Mercilessly evict those little offenses, don't let them fester into toxic walls.
You're probably wrong. Keep that in mind. You might think you are definitely right. Well, she also thinks she's definitely right. In every conversation and conflict hold space for the possibility that you are wrong. That way you don't end up being the jerk who can't admit error—or the jerk who lords your rightness over her. Be humble in being wrong and gracious in being right.
Be teachable. You're going to have to be teachable as you enter into this next stage in life and as you move through other stages and expansions that may follow. What's served you well up until this point has been good, but it will be inadequate to take you into the seasons ahead.
Never stop learning. Never fully arrive. Don't plateau.
Be your own person. Let her be her own person. Insist on that. Encourage and protect and fight for her independence—as you at the same time seek to be interdependent.
Need one another! But also don't need one another.
You've got something special now, just the two of you. Protect it. So try not to go to intimate places with others that you can't go with her. Fight for those intimacies.
You've got something special now, so bring others into it. The warmth and community in your own little village of the two of you isn't just for you: it's for the wayward friend, the crying child, the weary stranger. You've got a good thing here. Be generous with it.
You know that thing oft said thing about love (which they'll probably quote at you on your wedding day), that "love is patient and kind and keeps no record of wrongs and always hopes and forgives" and so on, aim for that! Achieving it is impossible, but it's a damn fine target.
You've got this. You’ve got what it takes.
Also: you don't have what it takes! And when you don’t have what it takes, that’s fine too. She might not either. You get to grow together. And that’s the most beautiful part of all.
Good luck! We're rooting for you!
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My cred for offering all of this: I am human. I am here. There was an empty text box and a share button.
May 15, 2025
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💸You will hear some WILD stories. My main takeaway has been: the couples who throw their money into one big pile instead of having separate money + shared expenses are on a fast track to divorce, 9/10 times they fight like cats and dogs and deeply resent their partner
Apr 16, 2024
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💒Having had the same wedding date for 17 years, it’s only fitting to use a cute pic of us. Also she refuses to get onto this app (“is that your little recs app?”) but I mention her often so I’m trying to build out a sense of mysticism around her, like she’s this baddie of a person that sort of exists. Also this might be old school but I think including her in my pfp sets a clear expectation that I’m married, which lets other people know to not act up (because my wife is small but she will kill you) but it also holds me accountable to be aware of boundary lines as to never come off as the “creepy guy who is making flirty comments with his wife in his pfp,” which my single friends tell me happens ALL THE TIME TO THEM.
Jan 31, 2025
Top Recs from @marianoleonczik
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♥️I feel like there’s a special connectivity on this app that I haven’t felt in a long time, maybe since early 2010’s tumblr. The fact that you can’t promote yourself like IG is wonderful. The fact that there isn’t mass video content like Tik Tok is great. It’s not this monetized / paid sponsorship app. People are here because they want to be a part of something with nothing to gain besides friendship. Seeing the URL -> IRL meetups warms my heart so much (waiting for an NYC or Brooklyn meetup).
Thanks for your participation on this niche little app. I smile reading all the recs and all the comments and all the asks. Hope we’ll all be here for a long time.
Thanks for your participation on this niche little app. I smile reading all the recs and all the comments and all the asks. Hope we’ll all be here for a long time.
Jun 15, 2024
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florinegrassenhopper riotgrrrl brendanooooo slowdazzle buck_mcgraw and indianjones — we did it. Not only did we successfully meet for drinks, but we also schemed the hostile takeover of this app from tyler tonight.
In all seriousness — weird that an app I downloaded in April would make genuinely want to drive back into Brooklyn during end of day traffic for a happy hour. Great app filled with great people.
In all seriousness — weird that an app I downloaded in April would make genuinely want to drive back into Brooklyn during end of day traffic for a happy hour. Great app filled with great people.
Jul 20, 2024
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🖥I think a life rule for me is to surround myself with people who know more / are smarter / are cooler than me and just absorb their aura by listening / observing them. It’s made me the incredibly smart / cool person you all know and love.
I just never thought I’d feel the same way about URL friends. I’m constantly listening to the songs I see posted here, reading the articles, subbing to newsletters, and googling topics that get tossed onto the feed.
It’s nice to know you can become a more rounded person by just absorbing what your mutuals post on here. I’m going to sit on my couch, have a cocktail and digest my lovely feed. Happy Sunday!
Sep 15, 2024