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i was recently diagnosed with PTSD from repeated childhood trauma that has haunted me my whole life. today, i just had my first session of EMDR therapy - which for a reason neurologists don't fully understand, allows (primarily) people with this disorder to be exposed to and entirely reprocess traumatic memories by utilizing what's called "bilateral stimulation." aka, i was following a light that darts back and forth and holding onto handles that would buzz from side to side.
i had zero clue what real peace felt like before i dove into what was already inside of me. my mind is NEVER quiet, but in that moment, my guard was let down entirely and i was able to be so comfortable in the silence of just *being.* it felt like i had been blind my whole life, and i just gained my ability to see.
the words i say here don't do it nearly justice enough for how spiritual and moving of an experience it was to be able to take back my life and start to turn off the alarm bells in my brain. if you even THINK this kind of therapy would benefit you, you need to at least get assessed by an EMDR professional because this is extremely legit.
it's giving me my life back - and i couldn't be more thankful.
i had zero clue what real peace felt like before i dove into what was already inside of me. my mind is NEVER quiet, but in that moment, my guard was let down entirely and i was able to be so comfortable in the silence of just *being.* it felt like i had been blind my whole life, and i just gained my ability to see.
the words i say here don't do it nearly justice enough for how spiritual and moving of an experience it was to be able to take back my life and start to turn off the alarm bells in my brain. if you even THINK this kind of therapy would benefit you, you need to at least get assessed by an EMDR professional because this is extremely legit.
it's giving me my life back - and i couldn't be more thankful.
16h ago
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🌈lifechanging psychotherapy technique that reprocesses old memories and changes your beliefs around them simply by making your eyes move back and forth
i’ve been in therapy since I was 12 and nothing has helped me like EMDR. it has truly changed the way I perceive myself, the world, my life. I stay preaching about it
i’ve been in therapy since I was 12 and nothing has helped me like EMDR. it has truly changed the way I perceive myself, the world, my life. I stay preaching about it
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6 months ago started seeing a Somatic Therapist who by God’s grace is covered with my insurance. We’ve been doing EMDR and I swear it’s been an exorcism for the anxiety that lives rent free in my body. After our last sesh she asked me how I was feeling - while sobbing, I responded, “you know that meme of Nicole Kidman after she finalized her divorce? I feel free!”
Disclaimer: You do revisit a lot of trauma so be ready for that, but it is healing :)
Disclaimer: You do revisit a lot of trauma so be ready for that, but it is healing :)
Jun 16, 2025
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☔I knew other people felt this way (now, after finding out why I did) but I've never seen it described so accurately! I'm not saying we are 100% going through the same thing, but I'd give it a 90% chance here based on how much this describes me.
for me, it turned out that I had c-ptsd from chronic overstimulation and emotional/medical neglect as a kid - just enough to go under everyone's radar. I am autistic, but my parents were in denial, nobody really "knew" or confirmed it because I was forced and eventually became able to "act normal" despite still being a big bullying target and a little weirdo in private. but beyond the social aspects, these symptoms you've described and what I've felt turned out to be a reaction to something I've forgotten long ago. I was physically looking fine, emotionally seeming okay on the outside (because I shut down outwardly rather than melt down), but I went through repetitive unaccomidated experiences that hurt me in the long run. but I didn't have a big traumatic event I could point to. the physical medical neglect I experienced later was unrelated and more nuanced. and I was surprised when I was working with my therapist and my biggest issues were not single events - but tiny little things that built up over time, every day.
the only thing that's helped me actually stop them has been EMDR - but it is a strooong trauma therapy. it's not scary - people without c-ptsd do pretty hardcore processing routinely that's just like it during REM sleep, it's part of dreaming - but I really could only do three sessions before I needed to stop and process how I feel about my life now. but I can walk into school's now without any of the same physical or emotional issues I was having! but before it always felt both nostalgic and bad, like at best exposing myself in a controlled setting.
I'm not trying to say you're autistic or have c-ptsd, but that's what it ended up being for me. C-ptsd gives you triggers that make you feel like you have the trauma event of PTSD, but unspeakably so. the best comparison I can make is PTSD is a broken leg you can put in a cast and mostly heal up, while C-PTSD is getting a hammer to your leg every day until it eventually cracks, but you don't even notice it anymore. all you know is that hammers make you feel sick and you're protective of your leg now. triggers feel more abstract and unable to pinpoint. I didn't realize why my triggers were so intense before memories resurfaced about them after EMDR.
so if it's intense, I wouldn't nessecarily say you NEED EMDR now, but talking with a trauma therapist isn't such a bad idea. I do believe c-ptsd is underdiagnosed, but also understudied and poorly understood. so I think it's worth asking yourself how intense it is, and a lot of people don't know they deal with it. but you're not alone! I deal with it too
for me, it turned out that I had c-ptsd from chronic overstimulation and emotional/medical neglect as a kid - just enough to go under everyone's radar. I am autistic, but my parents were in denial, nobody really "knew" or confirmed it because I was forced and eventually became able to "act normal" despite still being a big bullying target and a little weirdo in private. but beyond the social aspects, these symptoms you've described and what I've felt turned out to be a reaction to something I've forgotten long ago. I was physically looking fine, emotionally seeming okay on the outside (because I shut down outwardly rather than melt down), but I went through repetitive unaccomidated experiences that hurt me in the long run. but I didn't have a big traumatic event I could point to. the physical medical neglect I experienced later was unrelated and more nuanced. and I was surprised when I was working with my therapist and my biggest issues were not single events - but tiny little things that built up over time, every day.
the only thing that's helped me actually stop them has been EMDR - but it is a strooong trauma therapy. it's not scary - people without c-ptsd do pretty hardcore processing routinely that's just like it during REM sleep, it's part of dreaming - but I really could only do three sessions before I needed to stop and process how I feel about my life now. but I can walk into school's now without any of the same physical or emotional issues I was having! but before it always felt both nostalgic and bad, like at best exposing myself in a controlled setting.
I'm not trying to say you're autistic or have c-ptsd, but that's what it ended up being for me. C-ptsd gives you triggers that make you feel like you have the trauma event of PTSD, but unspeakably so. the best comparison I can make is PTSD is a broken leg you can put in a cast and mostly heal up, while C-PTSD is getting a hammer to your leg every day until it eventually cracks, but you don't even notice it anymore. all you know is that hammers make you feel sick and you're protective of your leg now. triggers feel more abstract and unable to pinpoint. I didn't realize why my triggers were so intense before memories resurfaced about them after EMDR.
so if it's intense, I wouldn't nessecarily say you NEED EMDR now, but talking with a trauma therapist isn't such a bad idea. I do believe c-ptsd is underdiagnosed, but also understudied and poorly understood. so I think it's worth asking yourself how intense it is, and a lot of people don't know they deal with it. but you're not alone! I deal with it too
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