Had to think long, hard, and deep on this one⦠Iāve been a film nerd for as long as I can remember, so I had to pull from the deepest recesses of my mind to conjure the memories. I was eleven or twelve, and I got into The Beatles thanks to their release of Rock Band for the Wii. Utterly obsessed. It was inevitable that I watched Yellow Submarine once I could rent it from Blockbuster. At that age, Iām sure many of its nuances still went over my āMature For My Ageā head, and I admittedly havenāt watched it since then. But that was the catalyst that changed my view on āfilm.ā I realized that it was art, that there is beauty and depth beyond just what you can see and hear. That thereās always something to analyze, and itās worth analyzing, yet itās a feeling and experience that is uniquely yours. Itās granular, yet itās singular. I feel OLD reflecting on this, but it happened at a point in my life where it was most meaningful for my impressionable, soft and mushy brain. I donāt have any bond or attachment to this film by any means, but I definitely wouldnāt be who I am without it.
I can legitimately say I would not be the same person I am now if I had never seen Amelie. there's this episode of This American Life called "Spark Bird" - the bird that first sparks someone's interest in/obsession with birding - well I like to refer to "spark movies" and Amelie was it for me. it showed me what cinema could do. I had never seen a movie that encapsulated my worldview but also how I wanted the world to be and look. seeing it as a teenager probably had a lot to do with it - the longing, the quirkiness - but the visual/artist part of me realized movies could do and express things I never thought possible and never had words or images for. it was like a floodgate opened, it was my gateway drug to more movies, art, music, and the way I experienced myself in the world. it was so formative for me it's like my brain soaked it up and I can't help that it's always there permeating everything with more whimsy, flair, and color āØ
Long story short, I think I first watched it when I was around 9 or 10. I had just moved to a new place, didnāt know anyone yet, and had recently become friends with someone who ended up being really special in my life. I remember her brother had this huge movie collection, and one day they invited me over to watch something and it wasĀ Spirited Away. So not only did that moment mark the beginning of our friendship, but the film also became one of my all-time favorites because of everything it represents. Iām not the kind of person who usually watches the same movie over and over, but this one was an exception! Iāve watched it countless times. Back then, it sort of became our thing to watch movies together, and I think thatās when I really started falling in love with films.
Only yesterday!, sweet comforting and nostalgic, the credits make me cry everytime I watch it. The thought of seeing your younger self in awe/curious/dubious about your adult self⦠as I child i was anxious about the adult I would become as I could not concieve any thoughts about adulthood. I wished as I child I could peek into my adulthood and see, I wanted to know what I events I would remember and wanted to become nostalgic about. Watchind the scene in Only yesterday the childish innocence of her young classmates watching her embark on an emotional journey she thought she would never take makes me cry everytime. the fascination in her younger face, being able to witness something her younger self could not yet emotionally comprehend, yet being intrigued all the more, makes me cry every TIME!!!!!!
Honestly, as a fellow person who's going through a lot right now, what keeps me sane is self-reassurance and affirmations. It's a learned behavior, and I understand a lot is easier said than done. But ultimately you will always have yourself, so you need to be patient and kind to your mind. Treat yourself as you would a good friend or family member. Again, it's easier said than done, but practice makes perfect, I promise you that. Take it one day at a time. Believe that everything happens for a reason. Even if things look bleak, a door always closes for another to open. If you feel isolated, finding someone you trust and reaching out to them for consolation can be cathartic, whether it be a human or a pet. If all else fails, Lexapro is pretty damn good, too.