Work on yourself. Figure out your own likes and dislikes. Date yourself with such vigor, as if you were dating a new lover. That coupled with time passing ought to work wonders.
Mar 15, 2024
Related Recs
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Feels reallllllllly tempting following a romantic fallout to "get back out there" for several reasons: to prove (to yourself?) that you are desirable, to fill a void left by ex partner, to see if things feel different with other people, to try to comfort yourself with the knowledge that not everyone is as shitty as the last person u dated. (sidenote: spend time with the question of what it fulfills for you)
This is rarely ever the right move. At least in my experience. I've literally caused myself psychic damage by jumping back in too fast lol. As cliche as it is, the best advice I have is to spend time (LIKE, TIMEEEEE. months) "dating yourself." You will gain confidence, learn more about yourself + have space from the event that leaves you feeling like dating is so difficult right now. Time really does heal all wounds...but jumping right back into dating is like picking a scab.
Fill up your cup in other ways in the meantime. Eventually, it will feel more natural/comfortable for you to ease back into dating - instead of trying to cram yourself into it and thinking that there's something wrong with you/you've sustained permanent damage because it's difficult. Your wounds won't be as fresh and you'll have a clearer picture of what you can/can't tolerate in a romantic relationship. It's hard! But u can do it! <3
Apr 1, 2024
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find out how you feel cared for and loved then start doing it for yourself. I luv pampering myself and new experiences
my fave ways; taking myself to a movie (nitehawk is my fave for movie and food and maybe a lil drink), solo dining at your favorite spots or somewhere you’re dying to try, library dates, cafe dates, spa days (buy a day pass just to sauna and relax), dedicate an evening each week to a ritual just for yourself- this will strengthen feeling comfortable alone, finding new confidence to get out of your head plus you genuinely start missing your independence and how WELL you know yourself- having a weekly mandatory ritual made this sm easier and less awkward
Feb 26, 2024
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
Top Recs from @ener
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(Not literally.)
I’m of the belief that platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones. Build a community of folks who meet you where you are and with whom you feel safe and vice versa!
In a perfect world they see all versions of you from rock bottom to ascending, not unlike the intimacy usually reserved for a lover. Fuck that heteronormative bullshit. Do that with your friends. They will give you grace and hold you accountable for foolishness. If you don’t have people like this, go out and make them.
This late night shower thought brought to you by a conversation with a cishet male Uber driver who really needs to love himself more.
Mar 4, 2024
This specific meal brought me back to life in the middle of the storm and made me forget my jeans and boots were soaked from the rain
Egg creams for life
Apr 4, 2024
Join the A24 fan club (appropriately named AAA24) because they occasionally hook you up with free tickets to screenings, invitations to special events, will be the first to greet you happy birthday and send a gift of your choice, and you get quarterly zines!
The welcome kit comes with a members pin and the latest zine.
(No I do not work for them, I just think it’s one of the coolest fan clubs I’ve ever joined)
Apr 4, 2024