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speak well of the people you live with behind their back

(Note: this isn't a replacement for addressing bad behavior, leaving toxic situations, etc.) -- I had two roommates and one of them was often a real jerk. He was a bit older and he'd lecture us other two about our lives and on a range of issues. Over time, I'd find that the other roommate and I would trash talk the jerk when he wasn't around. One time the two of us were sitting in a diner late at night, complaining about the other guy, and we just decided for some reason to change the script. "Let's say what we appreciate about him." So we did. It was difficult at first, but going back and forth we were able to identify a bunch of stuff that we liked about him. "His beard is great." "He likes good books." "He wants to see people thrive." Then we headed back to our apartment and to our surprise we were actually looking forward to seeing him. And he seemed like he was looking forward to seeing us. Things got easier after that. I realized that my expectations and posture toward him was part of the issue—I was getting the negativity that I was saying I was expecting. And so altering my words was a really good step toward fixing my lens and adjusting my heart.

@mattshawsome

Nov 14, 2024

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Communication + collaboration

Ugh I feel you and that is rough! It’s hard because everybody has different standard of messiness. Sometimes it simply comes down to a skills issue. Hard to know but honestly it’s not for you to figure out, that’s for him! With that being said, since this is your friend, I think that you should be open with him about how you feel while also making it clear you want to work together to figure something out. I’ve done chore charts with roommates in the past and that really worked out well. I think it’s important that you have some things in mind but also make it a collaborative effort so he doesn’t feel like you are just putting these demands on him. He will be much more likely to follow through if he helped create it. I suggest also being very clear with yourself (and him) about what things are most bothersome for you that you really need to have a hard boundary around, and what things you can let slip. I say this because if you are giving that same energy to everything it is going to make things emotionally difficult for you. if he has been living this way thus far, there’s going to be a margin of error here. So I wouldn’t necessarily share what the less important things are, but the most important things. This is going to be an ongoing process. You might find that some things are working really well and other things aren’t, so you come together to figure out how you can adjust to make it work better. I do think that this conversation really needs to happen though because resentment can build up really easily, especially if you’ve mentioned it before and nothing has happened.

@mossyelfie

Sep 18, 2024

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list

- be a good communicator. if you have a problem or are unclear on something or need to make something clear one cannot expect anyone to have the same norms. talk and be on the same page and establish that dynamic for the inevitable times it needs to happen - figure out respective grocery + dishes + cookware + general belongings ecosystem. some houses can just be communal some have to be separate. depends on who yall are. gotta know which and gotta respect it - just clean everything you were using in a public space if you don’t intend to keep using it i feel like when i had roommates our biggest issues were not figuring these things out. but just talking about everything is the biggest one that way if someone is disappointed or angry about something it’s either based in reality or it’s not

@shegoestoanotherschool

May 22, 2024

Top Recs from @marianoleonczik

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Brooklyn pi.fyi meetup — success

florinegrassenhopper riotgrrrl brendanooooo slowdazzle buck_mcgraw and indianjones — we did it. Not only did we successfully meet for drinks, but we also schemed the hostile takeover of this app from tyler tonight. In all seriousness — weird that an app I downloaded in April would make genuinely want to drive back into Brooklyn during end of day traffic for a happy hour. Great app filled with great people.

@marianoleonczik

Jul 20, 2024

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very appreciative of all you on this app

I feel like there’s a special connectivity on this app that I haven’t felt in a long time, maybe since early 2010’s tumblr. The fact that you can’t promote yourself like IG is wonderful. The fact that there isn’t mass video content like Tik Tok is great. It’s not this monetized / paid sponsorship app. People are here because they want to be a part of something with nothing to gain besides friendship. Seeing the URL -> IRL meetups warms my heart so much (waiting for an NYC or Brooklyn meetup). Thanks for your participation on this niche little app. I smile reading all the recs and all the comments and all the asks. Hope we’ll all be here for a long time.

@marianoleonczik

Jun 15, 2024

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Just appreciating your pi.fyi feed

I think a life rule for me is to surround myself with people who know more / are smarter / are cooler than me and just absorb their aura by listening / observing them. It’s made me the incredibly smart / cool person you all know and love. I just never thought I’d feel the same way about URL friends. I’m constantly listening to the songs I see posted here, reading the articles, subbing to newsletters, and googling topics that get tossed onto the feed. It’s nice to know you can become a more rounded person by just absorbing what your mutuals post on here. I’m going to sit on my couch, have a cocktail and digest my lovely feed. Happy Sunday!

@marianoleonczik

Sep 15, 2024