Yeah I relate I think a lot of people can or at least I assume so because I also think it’s impossible to go through life and not see just how massive it is. How much we are forever to wonder about , apart from but humanity is obsessed with taming the world. I do think it’s strange to have the thoughts early, I was also about 9 or 8 when I really focused on death and how limited our time here is. What really got me was the suns death, the mention of all earth being consumed stuck in my head and I just couldn’t imagine there being a reason to live. No matter how acclaimed you are, how big your tomb, how long your name has been spoken you'll be consumed. I haven’t read Kant but I have read and discussed absurdism and that’s personally what gets me through. There is nothing written and the world is indifferent has become a mantra of comfort for me. I still struggle to accept some realities about death but with work I hope to get over it.
May 17, 2024
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I think about after the end a lot. I wrote a screenplay about after the apocalypse and the earth is devolving back into primordial stew. I love the idea of destroying the world so thuroughly with science that magic emerges again.
I also think often of the end of what we understand as the universe. I wrote a piece of flash fiction about the moment before the last bit of energy is snuffed out, and a short script about life orbiting around the last light in the universe that I think has legs to be a feature.
I don't know what happens after. But I choose to believe all death births something new.
Jun 14, 2024
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“I am nothing, I am everything, and I’m certainly never in between to two. It’s stupid to think I could be anything other than me, miserable and birthed. Death to everyone who isn’t such things. What is the point of life if not to indulge every dreadfully mediocre sadness to its climax only to realize you have to get off a whole single file line of dreadfully mediocre sadnesses? Respite is only plausible in physicality. There is no escape from a self pitying and exhaustingly guilty mind. Hypocrisy after hypocrisy, I weave myself more securely into my mental web. No one gets in, no one gets out. It’s the way I like it and the way I insurmountably loathe it, balanced by the progression of life itself.”
Jan 29, 2025
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some evolutionary niche opened up around 300,000 years ago allowing a select group of primates to adapt larger brains in exchange for larger muscle mass and other such traits. it was an astounding success leading to that group of primates to become the most dominant species on the planet. but maybe it came with a price. a price larger than simply larger muscles or better smell. the brains became so advanced and computable that they were able to question their animalistic nature itself. the purpose of all life is that of a divine ring. the days pass in the same cycle as the seasons, such in the same cycle as the years. death and rebirth. that’s truly the meaning of life. to live, then die. in the primal sense of other living things, that’s simply the way of the world, there’s no need to question, as if the rest of the myriad creatures on earth have the capacity to question it. but our brains adapted past that. we developed a certain "post natural" mode of thought. somehow we pushed past the simple cycles of the universe. we have the innate drive of death and rebirth, looking to reproduce and spread. but we became to adept. we lost track of where to end. we fight wars over what we think is the meaning to it all. we harbour money and material wealth to spread influence over others. we created new meanings for ourselves. created goals and endings for when we’d be "complete". we conquered the world looking for one of those answers. those in power incessantly use their power to find their answer. those without try to keep up. we’ve searched and dug up every inch of the planet we were born on in search of our answer, and now, as we’ve desecrated our planet and realized our grand goal for an answer isn’t here, we’ve decided to look beyond our planet. maybe the next one will have our answer. and the next one. and the next one. and the next one. it’s always been the same cycle of desecration, disappointment, and moving on to the next one. the answer isn’t hidden among the stars, or under the ocean, or in the next country over, or in the harboring of trillions of dollars, or in the ultimate manifestation of power. it’s in the orginal cycle of death and rebirth. the experience of life granted to us through the seemingly divine gift of "consciousness". we are notably different from the myriad of earthly creatures, but not in a way that should matter. all that changed were some environmental conditions that allowed our primate ancestors to adapt larger brains. our purpose never shifted. our purpose on earth is to live and experience, then to die, allowing the circle to repeat. it’s no different from any other life form.
Mar 3, 2025
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beer and weed help but that can be messy business when performing so make it easy and just don’t be the person on stage. I had a band and before we had to break up I played a lot in-front of very drunk and very cool people so I was very nervous but rock and nerves don’t go good together. I kinda made Buck for that he wasn't called that then but having some sort of separate character for performance helps. You don’t have to go all Ziggy with it Buck looks like me, dresses like me, sings my songs but he’s a lot more confident and energetic. why? How? Because he is.
May 17, 2024
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Any art you may practice, walk in some woodland or pasture make some poems, write a song, paint, even competition can be an art. Whatever fills your soul and give in all the way. when im alone during important or significant times I love being selfish with my time and immersing myself in craft, be selfish after all there is isn’t anyone around that could be offended.
May 17, 2024
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This is coming from a guy that loves 60s and 70s rock and folk and owns like 100 something LPs. Get CDs instead, you can play them in cars, on stereo systems, and portable CD players. cleaner than tape with no warble or belts to worry about and easier to store than LPs, only downside is the art is small and usually no fun insert's. I’d only get your absolute favs on LP they are probably gonna be expensive (30-70 bucks compared to 5-30 for CDs) but having the big cover, often times lyric sheets or posters, and my favorite part the back cover you’ll NEVER see on steaming. Sound great and really make you feel like you own a substantial part of the music. make sure you have shelves deep and tall enough for records too if you buy them. media Trade stores are the best if you aren’t already looking there.
TLDR: CDs for practicality LPs for gems
May 17, 2024