easy: delete the apps, stop dating, consider the things you find interesting/attractive in others and just do those things yourself, hangout with friends, read a book, take a class, take a walk, drink some coffee, drink some water, visit the beach, visit a museum, go to the movies, go to the club, go to bed.
Jul 2, 2024
Related Recs
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I saw dating (especially with apps) as just a way to gain experience and practice different relationship communication, I.e. how to draw boundaries or bring up small conflicts (used to be a nonexistent skill for me).
I set some expectations from the get go as well. I said I didn’t text, and I only saw someone I was dating once per week. I had a tendency prior to become enmeshed really easy, so I was making sure I didn’t fall into that same trap. It helps give time to actually get to know someone before it becomes “serious.”
Also… YOU are the prize of your life. As others have stated, you’re seeing if someone can fit (well enough) into your full and luscious life. Keep yourself busy with friends, family, learning, fun, hobbies.
You have an awareness already that this is a thing for you. When you notice yourself starting to go insane, PAUSE! Explore that. See how you can slow down.
Jul 2, 2024
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Feels reallllllllly tempting following a romantic fallout to "get back out there" for several reasons: to prove (to yourself?) that you are desirable, to fill a void left by ex partner, to see if things feel different with other people, to try to comfort yourself with the knowledge that not everyone is as shitty as the last person u dated. (sidenote: spend time with the question of what it fulfills for you)
This is rarely ever the right move. At least in my experience. I've literally caused myself psychic damage by jumping back in too fast lol. As cliche as it is, the best advice I have is to spend time (LIKE, TIMEEEEE. months) "dating yourself." You will gain confidence, learn more about yourself + have space from the event that leaves you feeling like dating is so difficult right now. Time really does heal all wounds...but jumping right back into dating is like picking a scab.
Fill up your cup in other ways in the meantime. Eventually, it will feel more natural/comfortable for you to ease back into dating - instead of trying to cram yourself into it and thinking that there's something wrong with you/you've sustained permanent damage because it's difficult. Your wounds won't be as fresh and you'll have a clearer picture of what you can/can't tolerate in a romantic relationship. It's hard! But u can do it! <3
Apr 1, 2024
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only happened to me after many years of not dating & instead spending time with myself until i realized i'm capable of being happy if i don't ever find anyone.. so in that sense i also second normieexgirlfriend's rec
otherwise remember that dating is about trying to find somebody who'll fit into the life you've already established.. it is certainly not about trying to impress anyone or find somebody before an imaginary time limit is up.. just focus on having fun and trying to connect with people, not hoping every date you go on will lead to your next relationship
Jul 2, 2024
Top Recs from @normieexgirlfriend
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reading a new friends substack and resonating so hard with her post about working to overcome her social anxiety, introversion, and shame to become more comfortable and outgoing. not only did this inspire me that i need to pick up my own substack again, but also that becoming less of a weirdo in social settings is possible for me too 🤞🏼
Jul 3, 2024
😃
bars:
* rainbo club
* california clipper
* inner town pub
* sleeping village
* best intentions
* the hi-lo
* easy does it
* outside voices
* the owl (but only after the 2am bars close)
pizza:
* pequods
* malnati’s
(deep dish is a myth and no chicagoan actually eats that)
breakfast:
* lula cafe
*flying saucer
* middlebrow (also for lunch or dinner)
* allez cafe
* kasama
lunch/dinner:
* 90 miles cuban cafe
* club lucky
* rootstock
* all together now
* yours truly
* elske (fancy, michelin star)
i prob have more but i haven’t lived there in 3 years (plus 2 years of covid) so i haven’t experienced chicago in its full glory since 2019 🥲
Jul 2, 2024
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(except for me, tell me everything)
tired of all your favorite spots getting overrun and unaffordable?
the answer is simple: stop telling random ass people about them, and absolutely,
under no circumstances,
should you make a damn tiktok about it.
xx
Jun 30, 2024