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I reference this often. The goal in life is (I think) to minimize suffering. There are ways to do that but they require work. As someone who has been deemed to have ‘catastrophic thinking’ by his therapist, I think I have to actively work on spending less time on worry and more time on just enjoying life for what it is, regardless of which way it goes.
Jul 12, 2024
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weird I’d like to think of myself a guide / guru for this app — here to help and we all heal together
Jul 12, 2024
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^^THIS mantra saved my life. I feel for you and I feel equipped to answer this, it's been a main theme for me since I finished college about 8 years ago.
No one prepares you for the absolute freefall of post grad. We're trained to work our ass off in school. Make ourselves appear well-rounded so we're marketable. We're able to gauge our progress against our peers in a tangible way. If we work hard, we'll have more opportunities – in school and in our career. We'll be free, happy, and financially comfortable. But it's not true. The tracks suddenly end and there's no clear path forward. It's a freedom that feels harrowing to most people (it did to me!) because no one is telling you what you should do, and that's so scary. And it's normal.
A "career" is a product of various factors like opportunity, socioeconomic status, nepotism, and luck. Obviously there are exceptions, but that's a more common reality. I'm not saying it's pointless to get good grades and a college degree 🙃 but it's definitely not a guarantee to get your "dream job" or any job lol. I'm someone that worked hard to do everything "right" and it still took me 3+ years to get a job in the industry I studied. I worked retail and felt like a failure while I watched my friends climb up a ladder I couldn't even touch yet. When I finally landed a full-time marketing job I would find myself complaining a ton. About my boss or my random coworker or that I wasn't making the world a better place. The goal I'd been working to achieve my whole life was just a big, fat bummer! The bubble popped. I'd apply to jobs like a new start would save me. Then I got laid off. I landed a new gig that isn't perfect either.
But I'm starting to realize it doesn't really matter.
I've gone through cycles of feeling so oppressed by capitalism, so out of control of my own day-to-day, I developed severe depression and anxiety. My career-self and home-self split further and further apart because I didn't feel safe at work.
But recently I've realized a big part of why I was miserable was because that's what I told myself. Maybe I needed to cycle through these feelings for some reason. I got on medication, did a yoga teacher training, and started doing little things throughout the day to make myself happy. When I stopped being so hard on myself to reach some stupid made-up standard I could finally exhale. It also really helped to spend time with people older than me. Now I make choices to improve my life even just 1%, like going home at lunch to spend a few minutes in the sun, cutting back on alcohol, saying no to things I didn't want to do. I'm enjoying the now more than ever before because I stopped trying to push myself to look for what's next.
Now when I feel my anxiety creeping in at work (or anywhere) I just tell myself it's not that serious. 99% of the time it's true. You can not love your job and still be ridiculously happy. I've spent my life honoring all my emotions and not all of them deserve to be honored! Release and enjoy where you're at! The good and the bad, it's all temporary.
3d ago
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from the perspective of being in therapy, i personally try my best to stay away from this mindset because it only hurts you. one way i break out of this thought is by asking myself a few things:
1) am i physically in danger?
2) has anything changed that will affect my livelihood today?
i think that a lot of times, we look at news and things going on around us or thousands of miles away and we jump to conclusions and kinda forecast what effects will happen to us or others in the near future. that isn’t so healthy if you can’t use this energy constructively to advocate for yourself and others.
so either we accept things and move forward, or we block out the nonsense going around us. personally i do a mixture of both.
Apr 6, 2025
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I am a very neurotic person living essentially among a daily mist of anxious intellectualizing... Who is currently mildly concussed... Maybe. Thus my most valued personal system is physically or at least psychically affected which is interesting... I was told to "take it easy" and be watchful of signs i should take a step back and stop doing whatever it is that causes, for example, nausea
Historically i am always doing a "powering through" and "withstanding" action often to get to the most intense version/end of whatever sensation it is i am feeling at the time, i.e. with substances
Hannah from Girls -style, like, putting myself masochistically in the way of things to suffer and then write about it
This is good advice for many situations, to not do that and just stop sometimes
Jan 17, 2024
Top Recs from @marianoleonczik
florinegrassenhopper riotgrrrl brendanooooo slowdazzle buck_mcgraw and indianjones — we did it. Not only did we successfully meet for drinks, but we also schemed the hostile takeover of this app from tyler tonight.
In all seriousness — weird that an app I downloaded in April would make genuinely want to drive back into Brooklyn during end of day traffic for a happy hour. Great app filled with great people.
Jul 20, 2024
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I feel like there’s a special connectivity on this app that I haven’t felt in a long time, maybe since early 2010’s tumblr. The fact that you can’t promote yourself like IG is wonderful. The fact that there isn’t mass video content like Tik Tok is great. It’s not this monetized / paid sponsorship app. People are here because they want to be a part of something with nothing to gain besides friendship. Seeing the URL -> IRL meetups warms my heart so much (waiting for an NYC or Brooklyn meetup).
Thanks for your participation on this niche little app. I smile reading all the recs and all the comments and all the asks. Hope we’ll all be here for a long time.
Jun 15, 2024
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I think a life rule for me is to surround myself with people who know more / are smarter / are cooler than me and just absorb their aura by listening / observing them. It’s made me the incredibly smart / cool person you all know and love.
I just never thought I’d feel the same way about URL friends. I’m constantly listening to the songs I see posted here, reading the articles, subbing to newsletters, and googling topics that get tossed onto the feed.
It’s nice to know you can become a more rounded person by just absorbing what your mutuals post on here. I’m going to sit on my couch, have a cocktail and digest my lovely feed. Happy Sunday!
Sep 15, 2024