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ghosting

ghosting in the way we discuss it in popular culture isn’t real. people yak and yak about how you have to communicate if a fling isn’t working for you or you’ll hurt someone’s feelings; well, not responding to a text is a form of communication, and hurting someone’s feelings is just going to happen in dating. you don’t owe your time and some lame explanation to someone you’re not in a relationship with when the chemistry isn’t there. i don’t say that to be a cynic or one of these “you are the only person in this world who actually matters” LA narcissists, but we are all way too beholden to each other and obsessed with being available to the point of self-harm. when i am just starting to talk to someone and they apologize profusely for not texting back quickly, i feel really sad. why do we all feel like we have to be waiting by the phone, obligated to every person who wants to get a hold of us and shackled to responding like it’s a job? why is going to lunch with a friend and not looking at your phone suddenly something you need to apologize for? that’s not real human connection - that is a new, sick expectation manifesting as guilt, based on accursed technology that allows us to constantly be in contact when we shouldn’t be. i hooked up with someone recently and went on one additional date, but we didn’t really connect that much and there just wasn’t chemistry between us, so the next time they texted asking about a date i didn’t respond. i was overcome with this weird shame afterward based on this arbitrary concept that has popped up in the cultural zeitgeist. i felt like i owed this person who i had very little chemistry with some kind of explanation of why i didn’t think it would work out, and i felt like i was doing something wrong because i didn’t want to talk to this person about something as basic as “the vibe wasn’t there.” rejection hurts, and ghosting is a form of rejection. it’s also completely valid. nobody owes me an explanation if they don’t feel like the date was good. nobody owes me constant communication. i am so tired of people feeling like they have to apologize for not being on their phone texting me back every second of the day. yeah, “ghosting” causes negative feelings. so does any form of rejection. you don’t owe someone you weren’t in a relationship with closure. not responding is the rejection and that is closure enough.

@ellego0ds

Jan 29, 2024

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TEXT FIRST. NOT PLAYING HARD TO GET JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A GIRL.

I am just learning this lesson as a deeply anxious person when it comes to dating/crushing! We’re told on social media so many things about being pursued and black cat energy and how to get men to chase etc. (Which a lot of these ideas are true and beneficial to keeping healthy detachment). But, I’ve seen none of these methods work for me and actually have caused me a lot of wasted anxiety. Obviously don’t be too clingy or overwhelm communication. But there’s genuinely nothing wrong with showing interest by maintaining communication with someone you’re into. Here’s an example: I met this guy that I like..alot. When we’re in person it’s ELECTRIC, but our texts are consistent/not as electric. I decided to go a week not texting to “test his interest”. Hated how I felt doing it. Last night I just said, “Hey :) you doing okay?” to which he responded “Holaaaaaa”. I instantly felt like an idiot because that text felt quite dry to me. So I went on Tiktok for advice and naturally every video said “If his text is dry pull back and ghost him because he’s not interested.” But that didn’t feel right for me, and discouraged me a lot. especially based on our past communication, I just didn’t feel he was pulling back. So I decided to just try my own approach. I said, “I’d like to chat with you. You around this weekend?” He INSTANTLY facetimed me and we had a wonderful hour long catch up where we both realized texting sucks and it’s so much nicer to chat on the phone. (We live in different countries atm) My point here is, if I would’ve listened to all of this advice, I would’ve pushed away someone I really enjoy based on what society considers the right way to date. DO YOU & BE YOU. You can’t say or do the wrong thing to the right person :)

@courtnipoe

Nov 29, 2024

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quietly distancing urself from energy that MAkes u uncomfy

stranger in the library asking for a hug? pretend you're listening to music and walk away! not enjoying that dicey movie rec your friend sent you, cuz its a little too edgy? turn it off! ur dating app match got too obsessed way too quickly, wont stop saying the l word? ghost em! well- maybe the ghosting thing is controversial. but man i dont think we owe these fellas our time, keep your safe space safe even if that means walking away without telling them. maybe that's safer sometimes, too. i dunno. i also just dont like confrontation. oops.

@mangle

Feb 17, 2025

Top Recs from @harmanzworlddddd

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SERVING SINCE DAY 1

🧿purple people eater 4ever 🧿

@harmanzworlddddd

Apr 11, 2025

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PI.FYI themed nails

I got my nails done and I realized the star on the index finger makes the nails PI themed. Semi unconscious yet a soft-smile realization while the nail tech was painting the star on.

@harmanzworlddddd

Dec 18, 2024

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JUST BROKE UP WITH MY LONG DISTANCE BF

Bring back being genuine about your suffering on the internet. was that ever really a thing? is tumblr just a social anecdote to a form of media we thought / wished we had? *^ little miss avoidant. or maybe indirect? dw folks it was amicable! he has a heart of gold! which makes me even more miserable… #gointhruthemotions #humanbeingbehaviour

@harmanzworlddddd

Apr 6, 2025