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it’s an emotion (heartbreak is like this too) that you are unable to understand or fully imagine until you’ve gone through it. it’s gut wrenching and you feel it physically. i don’t think it’s something you have to (or can) ever “get over”.
a lot of times people show that diagram of grief where the grief is a ball in a cube and the cube is your emotions/mind and the ball is your grief. and at first the ball takes up the entire cube. and the difference over time is not that the grief shrinks but that you get more space around it.
i think for me what i’ve come to embrace about it, as i’ve worked through grief with loved ones that i’ve lost is 1) yes, to love is oftentime to lose; but to lose is to have loved, and that is better than never having love in your life. and 2) grief does this weird thing to most of us where it pops up whenever you see or experience things that remind you of those you miss. and at first it is painful or maybe even feels like a nuisance, but i’ve come to embrace it. i am so glad that my mind HAS clung onto parts of those i loved no longer here and that i feel or think of them in those little moments. i don’t think you have to be religious or even spiritual to appreciate that one.
Sep 25, 2024
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holding space for one without the other will inevitably lead one into depression. knowing life is both beautiful and horrible at the same time is the best way. and! existing in the world with the assumption that everyone is grieving makes one’s perspective a more compassionate one.
Apr 26, 2024
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The best way is to just accept your grieving process. Accept that you are feeling things and accept your reactions to those feelings. that's extremely hard, i know. You probably just want to distract yourself instead of dealing with the elephant in your brain. But being upfront with yourself and your feelings really helps.
Maybe, instead of longing the past, celebrate it. Instead of bringing yourself down because you don't have them anymore, remind yourself of how lucky you are to have had that person in your life.
Aug 19, 2024
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I'm super against the breakup terminology in which you have to have "moved on" from something. Ultimately, this person was in your life for a very long time and impacted it in a, if not positive, at least significant way.
I totally get feeling emotionally overwhelmed from the breakup of a serious relationship and just wanting for the terrible feelings to be over and for you to be "over" something - I've been there 100% and I don't want to negate that that is a very real thing to feel.
The point I'm trying to make is - if you ended up losing a friend that you'd known and loved for the same amount of time, you wouldn't "move on" from that relationship. You would mourn, and process, but ultimately, carry them with you throughout the rest of your life. I think that's okay to do with an ex. It's okay to be like "this is a devastating loss" and to want to not feel that sense of loss so strongly, and I think the best way to do that is to just be like "this was an experience of love that has ultimately shaped me in some part, no matter how small and I will take it with me into new relationships and experiences"
You are made up of love from all the people who have known you. You can be sad about your ex, but you can also miss him! I don't think telling yourself not to feel something ever really works. Let him hang out in the back of your mind, and still know that it's over. You can do both things <3
Mar 31, 2025
Top Recs from @marxinista
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being traditionally cool is really quite boring and iterative, and it’s actually very cool and sexy to geek out about something you like or share bits of knowledge on a topic you’re passionate about
Aug 17, 2024
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i had it for a little over a year until i was like wow this is actually terrible! i genuinely think it has negatively impacted society by ruining people’s attention spans, having a horrific algorithm, and most of all by the most mind-numbing or outright harmful trends -
fake words that people now use IRL (“unalive”), trad wife tiktok, shein hauls, body-focused fitness vids that encourage fatphobia and unhealthy habits, shallow political/feminist theory and queer discourse, “alpha male” podcaster tiktok, encouraging overconsumption in general, trends ruining local spots or niche things… the list goes on
Aug 17, 2024
a million times cooler than the lackluster “sleek” tech color palette used today
Feb 22, 2025