What do feel? Where in your body are you carrying your emotions?
Many of our patterns are learned behaviors that have helped us get our needs met. Maybe they were behaviors that were better suited for a different environment (like our childhoods), or maybe they have helped us get our needs met a little bit but not in the best or most fulfilling way.
First, it helps to know what our needs are so we can connect them to our patterns/behaviors, and our needs reveal themselves in our feelings.
Iām a major intellectualizer of my feelings. I can articulate the problems and my motivations and many of the root causes of those problems, but then my therapist would ask āHow are you feeling right now?ā and Iād have no idea. I would have to *think* about it rather than sit with my body and feel it.
Learning to check in with myself helps me to get a clearer picture of what I need. That might start with my physical sensations. Am I tired and need rest? Am I hungry and need food? It can also be about naming emotions. Am I anxious and reassurance? Am I lonely and need connection? Am I feeling overwhelmed and need space?
Donāt talk yourself out of what youāre feeling. Not all feelings are capital-T true, especially as they relate to the external world, but all feelings contain truths to what you need and can bring you closer to taking new and potentially healthier actions.
Nov 28, 2024
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This might be an autism/delayed emotional processing specific rec, but I was often told I overthink things and for a long time I thought I didnāt have feelings like everyone else, just lots of thoughts. I would spend so much time and energy trying to figure out what was a thought and what was a feeling until my therapist just said āwhat if I say that it doesnāt matter and the difference is unimportant or non-existent for you?ā I canāt tell you how much that changed my life! Thoughts like āthis is something that is upsettingā would cause me such confusion because I didnāt feel the upset so I felt I didnāt deserve to address it. But realising that for me recognising that something is upsetting on an intellectual level is how I first realise itās upsetting me, and it might be days or months or years until I realise how it was emotionally affecting me. So acting, in the moment, as if I can feel the upset (confronting people about things, changing the situation, wallowing, giving myself time etc) is both allowed and means I can process things so i dont only feel them later or realise how they were negatively impacting me. the modern day splitting of thought and feeling into separate worlds is sometimes useless or damaging!
Jul 17, 2024
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in my saturn return and im feeling everything more intensely than ever before. this may be obvious but, something that helps me lately is pausing when an intense feeling happens and breaking it down as much as I can/my mind + body allow me to.
example: i'm not as good as I used to be at making art.
things I ask myself:
-Who told you that?
-How do you know this is true?
-How does that feel in your body? Do we just need to feel it right now, that's okay if so!
-Is it something we can process right now or should we circle back to this when we have more mental space to do so?
-What would make this statement false in this moment?
-What is the emotionless truth underneath this statement? What's the desire? What's the conflict?
-What makes me "good at making art now?"
-What am I referring to when this statement comes up?
-Did social media contribute to this thought?
etc etc
It's a simple concept, but it's been really helpful for me in realizing that so many of my thoughts are not my own and are on auto pilot. But, How I digest these thoughts is in my controlā¤ļø
Mar 9, 2025
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Wow, I find this quite fascinating.
"For Seth Kopald, parts work was key to taming his anxiety, as he began to recognize that it stemmed from fears of feeling unloved in childhood.
With IFS, he could now acknowledge the hurt child within, and begin to unburden from the pain and shame.
āThereās a big difference between, āI am the anxiety and fear versus I am here with the fear, Iām here with the anxiety,āā he says. And in that realization his natural state of āconfidence, courage and compassionā resurfaced. āIt's almost like I have a new operating system now,ā Kopald says.
So, if youāre dealing with stress ā around relationships, tragedy, or any life challenge ā you may want to learn more about parts work."
https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2024/10/25/nx-s1-5055753/parts-work-therapy-internal-family-systems-anxiety
Oct 27, 2024
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Iām not a parent and do not plan to be. Kids can wear me out fast with their high energy and noise level; it leaves me very over-stimulated. But itās pretty extreme when people say they āhate kidsā and I often feel itās a reflection of their childhood and beliefs around how kids āshould be.ā That they were expected to be quiet, obedient, and out of the way by their parents when they were little.
Itās fucking hard to be a kid. Youāre dealing with a rapidly-changing body and underdeveloped brain, managed by flawed adults who are enforcing boundaries that you do not understand. Itās confusing and hard to manage your feelings and honestly just a lot.
People are impatient with kids when theyāre brand new to the world and figuring it all out, and this is a time kids need a friend the most. Children can also be teachers to adults with how they are less habituated to the world. They teach us how to be free and open-hearted and silly and imaginative.
A good practice is to be kinder and gentler with kids. If that feels difficult, start with gentleness toward your inner child. Maybe thatās the child in your life that needs your attention and kindness most.
Apr 16, 2025
I meant to post this yesterday. Absolutely beautiful morning for walk.
This morning is also beautiful but in a spring rain kind of way.
Mar 23, 2025
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Prescriptive gender is a prison. Rather than gender being a form of self-expression, gender is treated as a pass/fail test for how well you can conform to cultural expectations.
Since I was young, I remember feeling a great deal of pressure to conform to these expectations around what āmenā are meant to be. You like sports, cars, womanizing, aggression, and not having feelings. I felt so distant from this ideal. I was sensitive and shy, and I preferred spending my time being creative in some way
For a long time, I felt like I was failing at ābeing a man.ā In many ways I was! Because I didnāt need toĀ bea man. All I needed to be was myself.
Itās taken me a long time to separate myself from prescriptive gender, sharpening in on which aspects of masculine energy I identify with and which I donāt. Iām not done yet. Maybe I will never fully be. The self continues to evolve over time, and I suspect aspects of my gender will too.
Mar 15, 2025