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i miss my childhood bed, i miss waking up to a breakfast i didn’t have to pay for.
i love creating my own space, keeping my secret journal open on my desk, sleeping naked, watching R rated movies on my TV, staying up all night, becoming an adult- whatever that means.
i used to think the freedom of growing up was not worth the responsibility, but i think, for the first time, the scales are starting to tip…:,)
Dec 14, 2024
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yesterday i went to work, after work i went to the gym, after the gym i filled my car with petrol, i then went home, made dinner, had a shower, and then tucked myself into bed.
all by myself. no parent to drive me around or make me dinner. no parent to financially support me. just me going to work so i can fund my life while also trying to fit in things that will make me a functional member of society.
no goodnight kiss on the forehead. just me alone, being an adult.
some days don’t feel real, and it’s the days when i realise i really have grown up and now have actual responsibilities.
where did the time go
Feb 18, 2025
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maybe it’s just that i’m young enough that the novelty hasn’t worn off yet but i love becoming more of an adult every year.
as a teenager i was so terrified of not being one anymore but i love being in my twenties so far. so much of it is uncomfortable and there’s so much uncertainty and still! i wouldn’t go back ever ever ever.
being alive is weird and hard and probably always will be but being alive when you have no brain development or any concept of how to do ANYTHING is especially weird and hard. i enjoy being myself so much more now than i did when i was younger; i have more perspective to weather the uncertainty better, i’m so much less insecure and preoccupied with how i come off to other people, and if i want to change my behavior or my life i have so much more freedom to do it! and i’ll only get more conscious and more interesting as i get older! how fucking cool.
also as someone who really had to grow into my features it’s a nice bonus that i’ll probably only get hotter and have better skin over the next couple of decades. nice!
Feb 13, 2025
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16 years old was a weird time for me. it was the second time in my life I came out and being trans, and I have a huge memory gap right before the tail end of being 16. it's weird that I don't remember much of it anymore.
I think my biggest take away is that it hurts to let your perspectives change as you age, but you just have to let it happen if you want to grow. a lot of people you'll find in adulthood are stuck in mindsets and worldviews that form around their 20s, informed by things they vaguely remember as teens. not that there's anything wrong with it, just that I personally feel that the teenage years might be the most self aware time of your life, while simultaneously being carefree for some. life at 23 for me feels like constantly having to work backwards - why do I believe this? why do I have this bad habit? why am I struggling with this same thing over and over? I feel like you still struggle with that when you're 16, but in your 20s the layers on top of the problems begin to form. and you can't avoid them, nessecarily. it's just easier to figure out why you have certain habits and beliefs before time obscures them, even without the memory loss I have.
as you control your own life fully you find it harder to get out of more intricate ruts.
the reality is, that we don't know everything. 16 is a time in your life when people almost demand you start planning for your future. and there's nothing wrong with that, nessecarily. but nothing is future proof. we have to live with a grain of salt and not get too involved in things that hurt. that gets harder to do as you get older, get stuck repeating old patterns. but practicing introspection and curiousity in your late teens is a great way to keep that muscle up as you get older. because things will change - facts, ways of life, even your opportunities you have. it just pays to be humble but optimistic.
also everyone's lying being an adult is pretty cool. I might be biased but I love having autonomy and a life and being taken seriously and getting older. never thought I would have any of those things. taxes suck but it's once a year and we have TurboTax now who cares. working sucks the most but it's just like going to school. you plan life around that chunk of time. only as an adult it's super flexible what you want to do.
also things hurt more now than they used to already. I've started grandma-maxxing with cardigans and canes.
Apr 13, 2025
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that’s it. as society strays further from physical connection & closeness, i experience sheer joy simply walking alongside strangers.
it’s easier to feel a sense of belonging when you are shoulder to shoulder, not bumper to bumper.
Dec 14, 2024
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when people used to say “you should journal!” i would be like yeah, yeah whatever. it’s funny looking back on it, because now whenever i get a single thought in my head, i have to write it down. it can be difficult for me to identify my emotions, but seeing bits of my thoughts, written and scattered about, allows me to solve the puzzle piece that is my complex (& crazy) mind. 🪐
Dec 21, 2024