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i miss my childhood bed, i miss waking up to a breakfast i didn’t have to pay for.
i love creating my own space, keeping my secret journal open on my desk, sleeping naked, watching R rated movies on my TV, staying up all night, becoming an adult- whatever that means.
i used to think the freedom of growing up was not worth the responsibility, but i think, for the first time, the scales are starting to tip…:,)
Dec 14, 2024
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yesterday i went to work, after work i went to the gym, after the gym i filled my car with petrol, i then went home, made dinner, had a shower, and then tucked myself into bed.
all by myself. no parent to drive me around or make me dinner. no parent to financially support me. just me going to work so i can fund my life while also trying to fit in things that will make me a functional member of society.
no goodnight kiss on the forehead. just me alone, being an adult.
some days don’t feel real, and it’s the days when i realise i really have grown up and now have actual responsibilities.
where did the time go
Feb 18, 2025
I’m a senior in high school. I’ve always been scared of growing up—change used to twist my stomach. I liked the routine: the same halls, the same faces, the predictability of it all.
but now? I want change more than anything. I want to take my exams, get into college, and finally breathe. high school has given me everything it could—every storyline played out. I’ve laughed, cried, gone through every cliché. there’s nothing left to squeeze out of this chapter
I remember being a junior, thinking I’d be heartbroken to leave. but I outgrew that feeling faster than I expected…
I think rewatching Friends for the fourth time is helping. that show has this way of making me feel okay even when everything’s uncertain. like, maybe it’s fine not to have it all figured out. maybe change isn’t something to fear but something to lean into
I want to grow. I want to step into new adventures, new messes, new moments that don’t feel like reruns. I’m still scared, a little. but I want this now
change doesn’t mean losing who I am—it means becoming more of who I’m meant to be
May 6, 2025
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maybe it’s just that i’m young enough that the novelty hasn’t worn off yet but i love becoming more of an adult every year.
as a teenager i was so terrified of not being one anymore but i love being in my twenties so far. so much of it is uncomfortable and there’s so much uncertainty and still! i wouldn’t go back ever ever ever.
being alive is weird and hard and probably always will be but being alive when you have no brain development or any concept of how to do ANYTHING is especially weird and hard. i enjoy being myself so much more now than i did when i was younger; i have more perspective to weather the uncertainty better, i’m so much less insecure and preoccupied with how i come off to other people, and if i want to change my behavior or my life i have so much more freedom to do it! and i’ll only get more conscious and more interesting as i get older! how fucking cool.
also as someone who really had to grow into my features it’s a nice bonus that i’ll probably only get hotter and have better skin over the next couple of decades. nice!
Feb 13, 2025
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that’s it. as society strays further from physical connection & closeness, i experience sheer joy simply walking alongside strangers.
it’s easier to feel a sense of belonging when you are shoulder to shoulder, not bumper to bumper.
Dec 14, 2024
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when people used to say “you should journal!” i would be like yeah, yeah whatever. it’s funny looking back on it, because now whenever i get a single thought in my head, i have to write it down. it can be difficult for me to identify my emotions, but seeing bits of my thoughts, written and scattered about, allows me to solve the puzzle piece that is my complex (& crazy) mind. 🪐
Dec 21, 2024