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i feel like because neurodivergence is still not largely understood on a cultural level, there aren't a lot of resources or representation that could've served as a signal for me as a child. now that i've come to terms with the way i navigate the world, i wonder if the grief i feel is normal. its like a sadness for the me i could've been, had i and others been aware, and this odd sense of urgency which overcomes my usual executive dysfunction. and compels me to find some assistance that can hopefully nake my life easier or at least more manageable. im in the process of giving myself grace for what i percieved as laziness and have now come to realize is probably adhd. my finam word is that we should be more mindful and accepting, as a society, of how neurodivergence presents itself from person to person, as there is no monolith, especially as it pertains to women and girls, those of which are highly skilled at masking thier behaviors.
Mar 11, 2025
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i think a lot of undiagnosed neurodivergent people spend their lives trying to live authentically, facing rejection, then trying to conform unsuccessfully - now that neurodiversity is less stigmatized, getting diagnosed feels like a weight off your shoulders because you understand that you werenât just âunexplainably weird / bad / wrongâ, you have a condition that can be âtreatedâ / âsymptomsâ can be mitigated, and instead of shooting in the dark trying to change things about yourself until youâre accepted, you can work in a specific direction to get some kind of support towards living more authentically because you know something about yourself you didnât know before
i think that youâre right and ultimately autism, adhd, etc. are names for sets of characteristics that are different from an arbitrary norm set by white supremacy and capitalism, but coming to terms with that takes some time when those conditions exerted such pressure on you and you didnât know you could discount the system because you didnât know it applied to you. i feel like at least for me, after getting over the frustration of being undiagnosed with adhd (which is different than autism specifically) it became a less meaningful part of my identity, but that couldnât happen until i processed how much of my life was informed by that fact without me even knowing
Mar 28, 2024
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i donât have autism i donât think, but i do have adhd, social anxiety, and dysthymia. i also am not accepted or supported by my parents when it comes to my queerness (which isnât neurodivergence lol, but it often comes up when i think about âwhat life could be likeâ).
i often would get stuck thinking about how much more successful in life i would be had i been supported in the beginning. if only i had been taken to a therapist when i first asked for support, or maybe had my parents been more open minded about lgbtq ppl.. maybe i wouldnât have anxiety about the smallest things, or depressive episodes where i canât get out of bed the entire day. maybe i would be the son they could show off to their friends.
this type of thinking kind of consumed me for the majority of last year, as i was getting used to living outside of my parentsâ house. i was very depressed and often fantasized about what it would be like if things were different. however, earlier this year, i think i realized that staying in this mindset really held me back. i was thinking âwhat ifâ about things that i now (as an independent adult) have a moderate amount of control over!! i could become the support and acceptance i was seeking.
it also really helped me to shift my thinking on my own neurodivergence. i often thought of it as one of my biggest obstacles (which it can be at times). but when you learn the right coping mechanisms and ignore what society deems as ânormalâ, it can be a little more manageable. for me, iâm very sensitive to noise and lighting. wearing my noise canceling headphones (even in public where i feel most insecure about wearing them, and while i do chores) and making sure thereâs no overhead lighting has helped me sm in terms of productivity and living happily in general. remembering that normal doesnât really exist and there are no rules to living, has kind of opened me up to a whole new world that i didnât know was possible for me. living is actually awesome sauce, when there is no one in ur ear telling u ur ârudeâ or âweirdâ or âannoyingâ or âawkwardâ for living in a way that is most comfortable for u.
the ppl who turned away from u and hurt u just because u are autistic, were simply not meant to be in ur life!!! they obviously couldnât handle ur autistic swag. know that u r the normal one for just living ur life, and ppl who try to bring others down or judge unnecessarily are the weird ones.. also society is not built to support everyone, so plz dont judge urself for having to find joy through unconventional avenues. that is a reflection on societal expectations and how flawed our society is, not on u!
anyways i hope maybe this helps a little. đ«¶đ ty for reading my essay and sorry if it sounds so motivational speech core. it just makes me sad when i see ppl who have similar negative thoughts as i do when it comes to this stuff RAAAAAAHHFFFRRR đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€đ€đŠđŠđŠđŠđŠđŠ
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Mar 18, 2025
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I dont know what itâs like to not be neuro divergent.It manifests in ways that areâŠinconvenient.  Anti social, stand-offish, scattered, frsutrated, over explaining, self doubting, perfection paralysisâŠet al.One of the reasons I love what I do is because I can actually show people what Iâm thinkingâŠthrough images, fabrics, productâŠthings that are tangible and tactile and the conversation becomes much easier.Thereâs a block in my brain in which the words are in my head, but the ability to communicate them is hard to get out of my mouth.I have to work on this every single day to keep the non ideal aspects of this at bay.  Iâve been responsible for large teams and have worked within publicly traded companies for 20 years, so the ability to communicate clearly with concise intentions is vital.These are all things associated with ADD, but the understanding of this by people that donât experience it first hand is minimal.  Itâs not about being scattered or flakey.  Itâs so much more deeply complex.Simple tasks to most people present  themselves as heavy left obstacles to me.Every day, it takes monumental effort to pull up and put my game face on.  However, the upside to how my brain operates (I canât speak for others) is that I get incredibly plugged into what Iâm passionate about.Iâm so fortunate and grateful to have found that outlet in a creative field that brings me joy and a sense of accomplishmentâŠand I get to work with amazing people who are equally passionate.So whoever is out there that experiences thisâŠI see you and I feel you.Get up.  Brush your teeth.  Get dressed.  Regularly push yourself outside your comfort zone and follow your inner compass because it will tell you deep in your guts what youâre capable of doing.Also, a dog is wonderful at soothing this condition.
Jun 13, 2024
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Iâve been dealing with a creative rut for a while as well. Itâs easy to get stuck in a process of trying to put out work at a feverish pace, but that speed makes it difficult to catch the creative ideas that come along. i believe thereâs a creative frequency with ideas on it we can all tap into, when you move too fast you canât catch them and they turn into what i call âcreative flybysâ. itâs easy to feel like youâre stuck, but i encourage you to explore other interests, creative or not, and also to download the pdf of âthe creative actâ by Rick Rubin, itâs a book thatâs really helped me. wishing you love in your journey tho. itâs tough but keep going, when you get out of this rut, what you come out with will be beyond your imagination
Feb 7, 2024
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as someone who struggles to tell if the feelings they feel for others are reciprocated, it would be nice to know for sure i was cared about. making it easier to unashamedly care in return
Feb 9, 2024
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putting chips on a sandwich just makes it so sexy
Feb 7, 2024