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it is never what I expect
i don't mean to be ungrateful
i want to be thankful
i end up confused and i fear that my circumstances will hurt the people around me, so it feels like i have to avoid them. even though i am capable of being loved, what about being loved the way i crave? and yet, I get that too and it feels hauntingly incorrect. sorry if i don't deserve what I am being given, I don't know what is wrong with me!
Mar 13, 2025
Related Recs
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as a self-claimed lover of loved, beloved of all (it’s acc what my full name means so maybe my fam created this character trait for me idk) — people be testing you.
people be inherently projecting their own problems, contingencies against thr faith of all things good, and you are left unassembling and cleaning up shit in an apartment that you haven’t lived in since June (damage deposit of peeling paint and tired souls)
It’s so hard to continue the path of grace, to be ‘the better person’ — so much of my life, I’ve contained my rage, bottled it into journal-entry analyses of ‘how to be a better person’
sometimes tho… I want to rip everything to shreds. Shout FUCK YOU not to the void of my car on long pursuits of unhappiness down the highway, but to the people who made me question my ability to love, to feel love.
I hate it all. but I gotta keep moving forward 🌧️😴➡️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥😜🙂🤞🏾
Aug 30, 2024
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i could never understand why i lacked the tools to distance myself from people who hurt me and kept hurting me. i’d always go back, i’d always “forgive,” and i’d always fawn (try and be better because it’s obviously my fault i wasn’t perfect, duh.) .
there has been a recent shift in my life where i will feel physically angry when i’m subjected to mistreatment. sometimes i’ll put it aside in favor of my fears but sometimes i feel it and let it be.. and when i do, i find i have the power to uphold simple boundaries that protect me from the mistreatment. it’s the darndest thing (would you believe it if i said i’m black?)
Apr 24, 2024
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Starting to love this life but I’m still dulling over leaving some things that I think should be behind me but struggling to accept it, idk if this makes sense
Apr 6, 2025
Top Recs from @darlingnine
i stood in the middle of the neighborhood road taking pictures before realizing a car was there. I was so bizarrely fascinated by this, they looked beautiful to me
Mar 13, 2025
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not religious, but tbh reading the Bible or any religious scripture blows me away with how beautiful and significant everything manages to sound. my family is catholic, and we had to go to prayer for a family member's death today. did I do any of the prayers? no.. do all of them probably think I'm a weird queer emo who is going to hell? yes but some of the verses were unironically so TOUGH. made me feel like i should be sitting by a stained glass windows, writing an epic of love and tribulation with a big feather quill.
Mar 13, 2025
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especially pedophiles. if there is confirmed evidence of someone touching a child or taking away someone's choice and wellbeing, i have zero sympathy or empathy for them to be honest. this is what you deserve when you lay down harm on another person
Mar 12, 2025