This could change when I hit 40 (lmao), but the older I get, the more confident I know who I am. I feel more and more sure of myself, and less and less concerned with how others view me.
My life is my own, and comparing it to other's is a disservice to myself and the path I'm now on.
Do I still experience guilt, regrets, doubt? Of course I do.
Do I know what I'm doing with my life? I might have less of a clue than I did in my twenties.
Do I still feel like a weird little freak, like I did in my teens? Hell yeah, some stuff just never changes.
I still enjoy things I loved as a child, like video games, Pokemon, stuffed animals, and giggling.
I still enjoy things I loved as a teen, like pop punk music, being annoying, and singing whenever the mood strikes.
I still enjoy things I loved in college, like dancing enthusiastically, writing amateurish poetry, and crushing on women who will never, ever be into me.
But now I'm just...30. More health issues. More scars. More silvery hairs that sparkle in the sun like some vampiric trope made real.
But also...more memories that sweeten with time. More time spent in awe and revelry. More reveling in the beauty of nature. More of my own innate nature revealed to me as I sit with myself more, alone.
I feel thirty, flirty, and thriving. I also feel as a child, as a teen, as a drunken young adult, bumbling around without knowing if what I'm doing is right.
I'm just doing my best. That's all you really can do; embrace how you are now, and how you are tomorrow, and again, and again, and again.
