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Because I am the one fooling myself. I have a terrible depressive episode every once in a while where I get all s*icidal and shit, but all it takes for me to get back to normal is making art. I end up wasting so much time doing absolutely nothing when all I need is a cup of coffee and a hyperfixation.
Talk about being dramatic LMAO
Apr 9, 2025
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The dial that controls my creative output has not been cranked to the max lately and I’ve been getting upset at myself for it. Its felt like I’ve been wasting my free time by doing things that I like instead of things that are productive, and in turn enjoying those things less because I’m thinking about how I should be bettering myself or my world in some way.
I know there will be a time when the juices flow again because they have once before, and while I am in this dry spell I’m trying not to crucify myself too rigorously for not doing much writing and instead trying to make it to the end of the day without telling myself that I need to kill myself too many times to be deemed socially or even asocially acceptable.
Maybe a less prideful individual would just call it being depressed, but I must convolute around taking the easy way out and chalking it up to some misfiring neurons to instead convince myself that I am a cog in some unknowable cosmic engine and I simply must wait for some 7th dimensional machine elf to power me back on before Feeling Like Myself Again
3d ago
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I am a very neurotic person living essentially among a daily mist of anxious intellectualizing... Who is currently mildly concussed... Maybe. Thus my most valued personal system is physically or at least psychically affected which is interesting... I was told to "take it easy" and be watchful of signs i should take a step back and stop doing whatever it is that causes, for example, nausea
Historically i am always doing a "powering through" and "withstanding" action often to get to the most intense version/end of whatever sensation it is i am feeling at the time, i.e. with substances
Hannah from Girls -style, like, putting myself masochistically in the way of things to suffer and then write about it
This is good advice for many situations, to not do that and just stop sometimes
Jan 17, 2024
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i am someone who is either all in or not
i dont like to half ass stuff because
1- i was taught that half ass-ing anything was a waste of my own and everyone else's time and time is something that should be valued
2- im just not someone who half asses anything by nature
i am someone who puts their heart and soul into something and i wont stop until it is perfect
not to someone else but to me
so if i know i can do better i will always at least will TRY to do so
but this is low key so fucking debilitating
in my quest to make perfection i am quite literally chaining myself
its all a balancing act that i always struggle to keep up with and maintain
May 3, 2024
Top Recs from @megh
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It's not in our hands sometimes but it's not cool to be surrounded by people who don't take anything seriously
Apr 29, 2025
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Y'all ever write a word and suddenly it looks wrong? Like, the word just looks unusual. Then you cross it out and write it again but it's still the same cause the spelling is right but it looks so wrong! And so you repeat, but it remains the same and at that point you're agitated! What the actual fuck is wrong with me!
And so you just ignore it and continue writing but it still bothers you. You look in the dictionary and the spelling is still the same and the word still looks wrong and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
May 2, 2025
May 27, 2025