Iâve been chronically socially anxious for most of my adult life, struggled to really break out of a shell and only had inner confidence amongst people who engaged with me initially. and trust me, the hardest part will always be the first step, because youâre almost programmed to think of those branching paths of âwhat if this happens?â
My main advice is to let those paths exist, but immediately throw them away, even the ones that look positive. because your brain will always take these ideas you come up with in your head and try to twist them, make you poke holes in them until they seem unappealing, or even worse, make them feel like they could end in disaster. the more you dwell on uncertainty, the more youâll forget why you wanted to do something in the first place.
and my other bit of advice is, if you feel it, lock it in. if you want something to happen, say you will do it, and just keep it there. donât even think about what it could lead to, just say âI want to do x, so I will do xâ. from there, nothing can hurt you, you canât hurt yourself, and even if it goes kaput, you can say âI did x.â
finally, maybe a slightly dumber bit of advice, is pick a song to listen to before doing something you would normally back out of, like itâs a hypeman. mine is âchampagne coastâ by blood orange, mainly because it makes me feel like a Main Character
wishing for the best!
1d ago
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To be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
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i've been facing paralysis when i have to do something that i'm anxious about. i know at the end it'll be something "good for me", but that in itself doesn't stop the anxieties i have. waiting on it and stewing in my thoughts isn't helping me feel better. so, why not do things scared? the fear will be there regardless.
i'm trying to push through the fear and do things anyways. for example, i have a gap year in between my graduation and my job. the thought of applying to jobs in this market fills me with undeniable dread, but i'm doing it anyways one job at a time.
(on a side note, one anti-recommendation i have is the modern job hunt. why the fuck is this so hard)
the things we "have" to do feel like a deep pool sometimes. scream as you take the plunge, and you come out on the other end feeling a little bit lighter.
Jan 9, 2025
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Write it out, like youâre doing here! everyone has already said youâre super young so find hope and peace in that whenever youâre panicking about what you should be doing. Donât worry too much about love, thatâs going to come at its own time. your career will take shape over time and you always have chances to change it.
How do I feel grounded (context, iâm 30, feeling decently settled). I constantly make lists of what I need to do or want to do (these are separate!). Today I need to do xyz at work, I need to make plans for this weekend, I need to buy new cat food, I want to work out twice, I want to cook something with zucchini, I want to listen to a new podcast episode
Some other things: I always try to have an artistic outlet. I ask questions about things I donât know (this is everywhere, work, at the cafe, in yoga class, I Google if Iâm curious). I go to therapy and when I make goals I only think of my own happiness.
Jan 22, 2025
Top Recs from @joshuavidual
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you can be a vibe if you want to! wear those oversized jeans you donât know if you suit! light your cigs with a box of matches! play chess in a field with your friend! every time you do something like that and you donât give a fuck, you get a little bit closer to having the best vibe out there
Mar 28, 2025
like cooking, itâs about seeing those enjoy what you play them than the process itself!
Mar 13, 2025
so uhhhh Iâm the one in the back.
my brother is 2 years older and he decided to sneak into my room and cover my face in sudocrem. my parents walked in, he started crying, I started crying and they immediately thought âwe have to capture thisâ
Apr 10, 2025