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like: "oh man i had a glass of milk earlier and absolutely annihilated your bathroom , sorry im a lactard"
May 20, 2025

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I’m honestly don’t think I can do dairy anymore—I’m happy that I’m alone in the dorm and my roommates are gone for the week cause im going back and forth between my bed and the porcelain throne. I’m truly one of God’s strongest warriors.
Nov 19, 2023
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hurts my tummy but is soooooo delicious that i eat it anyway and am forced to regret it later
Apr 10, 2025
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I’m recently lactose intolerant. You really don’t know what you got til it’s gone. Eat up party people.
Jan 29, 2024

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I went snorkeling for the first time today. The ocean is vast and I love and admire her for being awe inspiring. But like any big beautiful queen I was very intimidated by her. The first to jump in, I looked past our boat into the blue nothingness that sent abject fear and loneliness through my blood. Fighting against every primal urge i started swimming towards the raised coral reefs and was greeted by an explosion of colorful aliens. "this is space" i thought. Striped fish of every color, lil lobster guys and an octopus. weird! i was in love, i wish my eyes were like chameleons so i could look in every direction. this was better than sitting on the beach. this was better than sex. this was the greatest moment of my life. anyway. anyway. anyway. it was pretty cool 10/10 would do again. 🐠
Mar 20, 2025
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Have you ever let a text sit for too long and then its so late. and so late. and so late. You couldnt possibly text them back now. You can! You should! Anyways.
Mar 25, 2025