Related Recs

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WELCOME BACK

hello!!!! i want to start making this blog weekly now. - as some followers may know, i've committed to college at last. it's weird with things coming to an end, but with "ending" being a common theme in this blog/life, i'm actually kind of soft on it. heres what i've been listening to: Forever Howlong : Black Country, New Road Squid (discography) Total euphoria : caroline as seen, my music taste has gotten more upbeat as of recent. Total euphoria by caroline has been cemented as a staple in my go-to songs now, it's like your soul being ripped from your chest from the air and then breathing in. and then out. it's a wonderful experience with its own little production quirks. the prime suspect is its out-of-time instruments, where the guitars are actually playing different tempos. and then on top of all that the drums sort of wash in and out when they want to. then a bass drop? this isn't my folk band! I highly recommend caroline, especially their debut self-titled album. some favorites off of those include IWR and Engine (eavesdropping). very spiritual and easing music. aside from that, how have i been? i've been #exploring my wonders and interests. creating a rigid identity is something i've found to be important. who am i between switching personalities for certain people? one of the identifiers has been how i am awkward. many can attest to it, but i don't think it's something i'd just drop immediately for confidence. people find it amusing, i think it's a good source of kindness for myself; there's a way to materialize it into something that doesn't give other people second-hand embarrassment. i might talk too fast or too slow, take a while to respond, make too much or little eye contact,, it's random!!! but that's for the best!! we don't have to be rigid in specificity. it just matters that we see things in ourselves that generally describe who we are. i've taken many trips, much too many trips to a specific town recently. the record store just calls my name and i always find myself being in the way between record crates while i kneel down looking at jazz cds. i'm getting a lot of cds! i always make sure to treat myself by getting at least one LP. some recent purchases have been: Promises : Floating Points, Pharaoh Sanders, London Symphony Orchestra Pink Moon : Nick Drake Hellfire : black midi all around wonderful finds. i know its good to buy things outside of my comfort zone... but let me get everything else first! i do my musical experimentation with cds. some recent CD purchases include.... Sketches of Spain : Miles Davis Discipline : King Crimson Speak No Evil : Wayne Shorter Giant Steps : John Coltrane it's good to consume, well when you have the money. other times, maybe just imagine you're consuming? paint a picture. you'll usually have a matcha latte (btw new obsession) outside a bakery, on a bench in the rain. do you need the drink to savor the moment? if you're out of money, maybe try sitting in silence like that! a brain-lock into our outside moment might be important. I think back to a quote from my notes in my notes from sept-oct 2024. i was in a rough patch then, still am, but more then. i hated myself, despised a lot of my own self-being, but one quote made its way out of my fingers: idk maybe some on-spirit growth can happen before any professional help, and honest support from those i had, i typed that for myself. i think it is in our innate desire to do better that we achieve our ideal selves. because i'm fulfilling that unsure "maybe", by truuuly taking time for myself. it's wonderful, and i don't exactly have to love myself. but tolerating who i am and having respect for myself has done wonders . i mapped out who i want to be, and formed a list of things to do before college starts. and it's working so far! so take charge. it takes a long time; i'm only seeing the real vision about 6 months later after saying that, but you will make it, even without that direction. good night! i hope to continue this weekly and hope you got something out of this post :)

@sebbspirit

Apr 29, 2025

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Taking stock, planning, engaging my heart

I am right in the middle of a very big transitional period in my life. I've got 22 days left of my corporate job. In 30 days I will be arriving in Lisbon for a one month stay where I will finish my book, work on a collaborative project, go to the beach, meet new people, find new opportunities and heal (literally, I am 99% sure I am about to medically diagnosed with stress). This starts a journey of Becoming A Full Time Artist that is terrifying and precarious. I am about to move back home but I'm not seeing it as a step backwards even though I will miss sin house very much. I've been dating for the first time in years after two back-to-back ill-advised long distance situationships lol. I feel more connected to who I am and what I want now. I like connecting with new people and learning about them. I like that people want to go on dates with me. I've been making an extra effort to see my friends. I've missed them so much. Being with them makes me realise what life is all about. I've been writing songs and recording old ones. I'm playing my first headline show in a really long time tomorrow. I've been reframing how I think of my music career to find validation in small successes and in developing my craft - rather than acquainting the number of plays I get to my worth. This is not easy and yet I persist. I've been feeling better post-heartbreak. I've also been finding out I have to go for an MRI and a tilt table test to confirm once and for all my heart is okay. My heart has taken a battering in every possible way but it finally feels like I can see some light. I was told to avoid all strenuous activity and heavy lifting eight months ago but the other week I finally got the go ahead from the hospital that it's safe for me to do it again. I have been able to move again and I've started playing badminton and I really love it. I even did a little run on the treadmill last week whilst screaming along to Brat!! It felt euphoric and I can feel my body getting stronger. Life is good/messy/chaotic/scary/exciting/still somehow peaceful

@caskeyc

Aug 14, 2024

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the story so far

I was born in a tiny town right outside of the Montana badlands two weeks before the turn of the century, one week before Christmas, and a week after my only sibling's birthday. I grew up in the middle of North Dakota, in a town big enough to have all the popular chain restaurants, but small enough where the only fun things to do with your friends was cruise around town and smoke by the river. I spent my childhood running around our neighborhood with the neighbor kids, and making YouTube videos with my sister and friends in the very early days of that site. I've had a very complicated relationship with my family past elementary school, due to the fact that I had untreated ADHD and was always a bit of a troublemaker. My parents just didn't have a clue on what to do with me, to the point that they had considered sending me off to a boarding/reform school a time or two. I moved three hours away the second I graduated, and have been inching further east ever since. I didn't go to college, as I barely got through high school without flunking. In my 7 years of adulthood so far, I've worn many hats. From working as a barista, to a waitress at a sushi place, to selling and making mattresses (I made the mattress i sleep on), to being a receptionist at a barbershop, and currently being the front desk girl at a tattoo shop, I never know what job is coming next for me. I have a cat named Pooky, a beautiful fluffy grey and white tuxedo cat, that I can't help talk about all the time. He's just the best. I've lived with my cousin/best friend Aly, and her sassy cat Chloe, since 2018. We go to a lot of concerts, and almost always get to the barricade if we are in the pit. I talk a lottt. I have a stockpile of random information about musicians and history that I love to share with people. I love MCR. I thrive in the spring and autumn, weed gives me anxiety, I pronounce caramel like care-a-mel, have a slightly crippling fear of wasps and heights, and have recently gotten into crafts with my buddies. My 2007 Impala has 230,000 miles on it and I plan on driving it until it breaks down for good. And that's pretty much the basics.

@starlet

Feb 28, 2025

Top Recs from @ocelotsontoast

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second hand dress from vintage shop!!

'twas three days before the ball... I did not have a gown. my mum let me take a day off school to go into town (with my #bff @HV3RVAMP!!) to look for a dress. went into a vintage shop called Zigurat (or smth like that), and the first dress I tried on FIT LIKE A GLOVE. apparently it was custom made for someone back in the day, and OH MY LORD, if you had told me it had been made for me specifically I would have believed you. the photo doesn't really show it, but it shimmers and changes colour in the light, from green to aqua to orange -- this dress is MESMERISING. one of a kind, and the price tag had me believing it too - $175. worth every penny. shoes I just wore my platform docs because I didn't have time to find anything else -- also first photo was before I'd done my hair, I didn't end up wearing it in plaits like that lol

@ocelotsontoast

May 26, 2025

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miss shelby the transgender van?

so if you saw my previous van post, you'd notice I was referring to her as 'she'. that's what she's always been to me, in fact I had the plan that if I ever did buy this van, I'd name her Shelby. HOWEVER -- I just got a text from the seller who referred to her as 'he', 'him', and most shockingly... 'Mr Chilli'. now I won't dismiss the name, it is pretty cool -- but who am I to deny the beautifully feminine and womanly energy that she emits? there's no doubt about it. this is NOT who she is in her soul. of all of the adventures I'd hope 'Mr Chilli' would take me on, I never expected we'd take the path of self discovery. if all the stars align and I find myself in guardianship of this van, I'll be sure to guide her on the journey into becoming the beautiful Miss Shelby ♡

@ocelotsontoast

May 27, 2025

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TEST DROVE MY DREAM VAN!!1!

(holy YAP ahead) TEST DROVE A VAN TODAY. I think she's the one. I. AM. SO. EXCITED. my DREAM has been to buy a van, which ideally was an old automatic toyota hiace that someone's done the dirty work of putting the bare bones of utilities in, AND BOY HAVE I FOUND HER. a 2003 toyota hiace with a bed, a sink, AN OUTDOOR SHOWER MECHANISM?? solar panels??!! a mini fridge???? we're just adding anything at this point because WHAT. and the cherry on top, she's got freedom camping license!!1!1! SHE'S GOT IT ALL. met the seller today, I've had my eye on this van for a few months now, but I thought something wouldn't work out, it felt too good to be true. I took her for a test drive not thirty minutes ago and she is WONDERFUL. I'm gonna be smart obvi and get an AA test (THIS WEEK?!?!?) which means that my dream of OWNING MY OWN VAN could be coming true NEXT. WEEK. my long hard hours working for minimum wage are about to pay off, and pay off BIG TIME.

@ocelotsontoast

May 26, 2025