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😬

NOT HAVING BOUNDARIES

I had someone recently tell me, “I can trust you, and I like that I know that about you.“ And I thought to myself, “We’ve been talking for about a week and haven’t even hung out—you absolutely do not know this about me.” Yes, I can be a very empathetic and active listener—and I appreciate the compliment that people feel safe with me very quickly—but in such a short period of time, you don’t know this about me. I could be a total psychopath if you’ve only known me a week. Take some time to feel it out!
Making such a big assumption about a stranger was an immediate alarm bell. It communicates a lack of boundaries that is concerning. And listen, I’ve lacked boundaries also, and I continue to learn. I’ve used physical intimacy, over-sharing, and other behaviors as “shortcuts” to actual intimacy, but now I find it troubling. My boundaries have been hard-won, so I want to make sure I am around people who can hear them and respect them.
How about we actually take the time to be vulnerable in the unknowing of another and slowly build intimacy? With care and tenderness, we can slowly expose our hearts and learn the true depths of another person. No assumptions, no shortcuts, just the beauty of human connection.

@MidwestZen

2d ago

2

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Not dating and finding love in moments

The social contract of relationships and the overanalysis of the process to get there seems quasi-masochistic to me, and not in a cute way. We seek to alleviate our anxieties about being valued by another, by reducing ourselves to the object of another‘s desires through our conceptions of dating. I think there is something to be said to finding love in moments with friends and strangers. Romance isn’t about not getting ghosted, or playing a game, it’s about bearing your soul to another’s hands, and them doing the same. A real love letter can be contained within a moment, don’t waste it by waiting for the next.

@jessisonline

Jan 21, 2024

3

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You know it’s kind of hard

I left all social media for something like five years and only posted on a small insular abandoned app during that time and that was the main way I communicated with people. After feeling repeatedly hurt and misunderstood and wondering why it was so hard to build earnest connections through this medium I decided to leave. I realized that constantly narrativizing my life with no filter gave me no space to process or examine and kept me trapped in deeply baked-in stories in my head.
Anyway I’ve maintained contact with a small handful of my closest friends and it has honestly been somewhat difficult keeping in touch to the same degree as I did before about everyone’s day to day lives.
I think the hardest part is being the odd one out so you’re missing out on the tidbits they share in this one centralized place for the purpose of economy and time and that’s something you kind of just have to accept. There’s a certain level of meticulous detail that may be lost to you and I think interactions become more of a broad big-picture thing; not being so bogged down in the mundanity allows you to engage with more distance and perspective which can lead to greater depth and emotional honesty.
And then it’s funny because the communication you’re engaging in becomes so direct that rather than everything being so uniform and kind of tossed out there, everything has to be very intentional and personal.
You have to choose to reach out, again and again; you also have to choose when to give people space. You have to be very conscious of the balance between giving and taking because everything isn’t just being offered all at once indirectly on both sides—and this balance won’t always be perfect and sometimes you might not handle it in the most perfect way.
I decided at the beginning of the year that intentionality would be my main theme and I’m still working on it. So I don’t really have the answers but engaging with friends off of social media shapes everything in new and interesting ways and those are some thoughts I’ve had as I begin to navigate this…

@taterhole

Feb 24, 2025

9

Top Recs from @stephenramsek

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Anti-rec: adolescence (2025)

It’s just fear baiting gen x’ers who don’t understand their gen z/alpha kids, which the creators of the show don’t care to understand either

@stephenramsek

May 27, 2025

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🍬

Sugar as an act of resistance

Sugar was originally a symbol of the working class because it’s cheap and sweet, but it‘s since been demonized by the upper classes whose fetishization of “health” is actually part of an act of violence against the pleasures and pastimes of the lower classes, seeking to create a further social divide on top of the economic divide that already exists. therefore, sugar can now be an act of resistance and solidarity at the same time. Eat some candy today 🍭🍫🍬

@stephenramsek

May 27, 2025

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Turn off all lowercase

Stop trying to be cute

@stephenramsek

Jun 5, 2025

4