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I had someone recently tell me, âI can trust you, and I like that I know that about you.â And I thought to myself, âWeâve been talking for about a week and havenât even hung outâyou absolutely do not know this about me.â Yes, I can be a very empathetic and active listenerâand I appreciate the compliment that people feel safe with me very quicklyâbut in such a short period of time, you donât know this about me. I could be a total psychopath if youâve only known me a week. Take some time to feel it out!
Making such a big assumption about a stranger was an immediate alarm bell. It communicates a lack of boundaries that is concerning. And listen, Iâve lacked boundaries also, and I continue to learn. Iâve used physical intimacy, over-sharing, and other behaviors as âshortcutsâ to actual intimacy, but now I find it troubling. My boundaries have been hard-won, so I want to make sure I am around people who can hear them and respect them.
How about we actually take the time to be vulnerable in the unknowing of another and slowly build intimacy? With care and tenderness, we can slowly expose our hearts and learn the true depths of another person. No assumptions, no shortcuts, just the beauty of human connection.
Making such a big assumption about a stranger was an immediate alarm bell. It communicates a lack of boundaries that is concerning. And listen, Iâve lacked boundaries also, and I continue to learn. Iâve used physical intimacy, over-sharing, and other behaviors as âshortcutsâ to actual intimacy, but now I find it troubling. My boundaries have been hard-won, so I want to make sure I am around people who can hear them and respect them.
How about we actually take the time to be vulnerable in the unknowing of another and slowly build intimacy? With care and tenderness, we can slowly expose our hearts and learn the true depths of another person. No assumptions, no shortcuts, just the beauty of human connection.
2d ago
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When Iâm getting to know someone, if I want to be vulnerable about something that could potentially be triggering/an overshare, I ask the person if they have the space to hear me talk about xyz experience with xyz trigger warnings. This helps keep consent at the front of mind and also shows you are considerate of their emotional capacity in that moment! It has helped me a lot, even in established relationships!
2d ago
@EVER Yeah! I think thatâs great! And I typically donât mind hearing peopleâs experiences, and Iâm a pretty open book as well, but the open communication makes everything feel better.
2d ago
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đŤfirst and foremost, you definitely shouldnât stop talking about it, if thatâs what you want to do. if something is on your mind and you want to express it, i feel like the harmful thing to do would be to bottle it up! just keep talking about it as much as you feel you need to and i can guarantee you that, over time, itâll plague you less and less. eventually itâll just become another aspect of your life youâve successfully grown and learned from!
my advice re: getting back out there is to simply take it slow. be observant for any red flags that you think could be indicative of a larger issue. also, make your core values clear from day 1! if someone really wants to be in your life, theyâll make it clear that they hold similar values :)
also, be sure to set your boundaries. be honest about your past and let them know that youâre still healing from it. any genuinely empathetic human being will internalize what you shared with them and be understanding!
overall, iâd urge you to remember that most people are not like your ex; most people want to cultivate healthy and loving relationships! i canât imagine what youâve had to endure - but thankfully you get to go out there and meet the person who deserves your love !! itâs super exciting !! woo!!!!
best of luck âşď¸
my advice re: getting back out there is to simply take it slow. be observant for any red flags that you think could be indicative of a larger issue. also, make your core values clear from day 1! if someone really wants to be in your life, theyâll make it clear that they hold similar values :)
also, be sure to set your boundaries. be honest about your past and let them know that youâre still healing from it. any genuinely empathetic human being will internalize what you shared with them and be understanding!
overall, iâd urge you to remember that most people are not like your ex; most people want to cultivate healthy and loving relationships! i canât imagine what youâve had to endure - but thankfully you get to go out there and meet the person who deserves your love !! itâs super exciting !! woo!!!!
best of luck âşď¸
Apr 1, 2024
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đ¤As young people who long for real, honest relationships with other people, itâs easy to overshare in order to instantly create emotional intimacy. The problem is that this intimacy is artificial, and doesnât respect the principle that relationships are differentiated in large part because different levels of emotional intimacy are reserved for different *kinds* of relationships
May 30, 2025
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đI fear that the anxious attachers (myself) who are deeply devoted to doing inner work to embrace a more level-headed presence and invitation, want so badly to empathize and understand their partnersâ (avoidant) tendencies. Not to villainize them, and not to negate their own emotional experience but to understand that conscious (even karmic opposite attachment relationships) activate these wounds for deeper reasons than maybe we can comprehend.
The hardest part is knowing that youâre putting into the emotional energy economy, making your counterpart aware of this, and that they are also aware of what needs to change but are in a stalemate frozen with fear of failing, or being imperfect or letting the connection deepen into deeply devoted unveiled love. That is the complexity because love exists very clearly, softly, sillyâly and perhaps often, inconsistently, so itâs difficult to know when to keep grasping for more, and letting them open up to their own journey and walking, maybe even guiding them alongside of the emotional healing because we know what itâs like to be tortured of our emotional hearts and vulnerability.
Iâm 25, almost 26 and this is the most conscious partnership Iâve ever been in, but we are constantly doing healing work, having difficult conversations, feeling tension, love, expansion, connection and shared wisdom and warmth, and many things on the internet or in books tell you to walk away from it even if it sometimes gives you what you want, but for me I just donât know if Iâm at that space yet.
I want to watch him heal, and I want to heal more of myself, even if Iâve already done so much work. Like I want someone integrating their shadows into the light with me, because Iâm not a surface-level human, this digging and re-planting, death and rebirth. Is this what relationships are about or do people like me (anxious attacherâs) just stay longer because their hearts are more open, hopeful and wishing?
The hardest part is knowing that youâre putting into the emotional energy economy, making your counterpart aware of this, and that they are also aware of what needs to change but are in a stalemate frozen with fear of failing, or being imperfect or letting the connection deepen into deeply devoted unveiled love. That is the complexity because love exists very clearly, softly, sillyâly and perhaps often, inconsistently, so itâs difficult to know when to keep grasping for more, and letting them open up to their own journey and walking, maybe even guiding them alongside of the emotional healing because we know what itâs like to be tortured of our emotional hearts and vulnerability.
Iâm 25, almost 26 and this is the most conscious partnership Iâve ever been in, but we are constantly doing healing work, having difficult conversations, feeling tension, love, expansion, connection and shared wisdom and warmth, and many things on the internet or in books tell you to walk away from it even if it sometimes gives you what you want, but for me I just donât know if Iâm at that space yet.
I want to watch him heal, and I want to heal more of myself, even if Iâve already done so much work. Like I want someone integrating their shadows into the light with me, because Iâm not a surface-level human, this digging and re-planting, death and rebirth. Is this what relationships are about or do people like me (anxious attacherâs) just stay longer because their hearts are more open, hopeful and wishing?
Jun 23, 2025
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đŚIâm not a parent and do not plan to be. Kids can wear me out fast with their high energy and noise level; it leaves me very over-stimulated. But itâs pretty extreme when people say they âhate kidsâ and I often feel itâs a reflection of their childhood and beliefs around how kids âshould be.â That they were expected to be quiet, obedient, and out of the way by their parents when they were little.
Itâs fucking hard to be a kid. Youâre dealing with a rapidly-changing body and underdeveloped brain, managed by flawed adults who are enforcing boundaries that you do not understand. Itâs confusing and hard to manage your feelings and honestly just a lot.
People are impatient with kids when theyâre brand new to the world and figuring it all out, and this is a time kids need a friend the most. Children can also be teachers to adults with how they are less habituated to the world. They teach us how to be free and open-hearted and silly and imaginative.
A good practice is to be kinder and gentler with kids. If that feels difficult, start with gentleness toward your inner child. Maybe thatâs the child in your life that needs your attention and kindness most.
Itâs fucking hard to be a kid. Youâre dealing with a rapidly-changing body and underdeveloped brain, managed by flawed adults who are enforcing boundaries that you do not understand. Itâs confusing and hard to manage your feelings and honestly just a lot.
People are impatient with kids when theyâre brand new to the world and figuring it all out, and this is a time kids need a friend the most. Children can also be teachers to adults with how they are less habituated to the world. They teach us how to be free and open-hearted and silly and imaginative.
A good practice is to be kinder and gentler with kids. If that feels difficult, start with gentleness toward your inner child. Maybe thatâs the child in your life that needs your attention and kindness most.
Apr 16, 2025
May 6, 2025
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I meant to post this yesterday. Absolutely beautiful morning for walk.
This morning is also beautiful but in a spring rain kind of way.
This morning is also beautiful but in a spring rain kind of way.
Mar 23, 2025