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i’ve never been in love before. liking boys feels sooo strange. i knew it left me in this deep misunderstanding of what love should feel like. now that i think (think!!) i’m falling in love, there’s all these other questions in my head. and i’ve been a fan of coming-of-age films and books for forever, because to me, i think i was trying to fill that void in my soul of wanting to be loved. now, things are all around, rumors were spread, and i just want him and i to be okay, as friends. first, i think comes the friendship. maybe it will turn into love. in my head, i think i hope deeply, but for now… friendship.
Jun 3, 2025
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@RATTLESNAKE yes!!! but i think at the same time it‘s the scariest thing ever hahahha
Jun 3, 2025
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sincere posting look away if ur not a lovestruck fool
sometimes i look at this man with so much love in my heart it feels like butterflies again. i have best friends, of course. i love them so much and they will be in my life forever. but in these moments i’m struck with the thought “you are truly my best friend.” in past relationships, i’d try to force that feeling. now, it really does just occur to me. i get so excited for forever with him. most days, it’s not like this. most days we’re just together and there’s no stress or worry about our relationship. we’re just two people together, happy and that’s that. i am so used to this kind of love, it’s become my normal. but some days, i am struck by how in love i am and how lucky i am.
the first time i realized this was forever, a part of me felt weird about that. i had to say goodbye to the part of me that loved first dates, first kisses, and the ‘will they won’t they.’ Forever was always what I was looking for, but when presented with it, I worried about never feeling that way again.
Anyway, I don’t get first date feelings now, and I’ll never kiss someone new. But this feeling is so much better. He’s asleep right now, and I cannot wait for him to wake up so I can spend another day laughing with him.
Jan 29, 2024
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Honestly I could be some type of ace so this might be absolute nonsense. But I have loved a couple people and it has felt different every time. And I feel like it also feels different when you're in love with someone who loves you back vs when they don't. The desire to be closer, wanting more and more of a person. But if you have them, feeling settled when they are around. For me the way I love every person feels different. So it's hard to compare and hard to describe. Maybe this means I haven't truly been in love with anyone at all. I feel like I have. The love I feel for my closest friends is still love. It's warm and bright. It makes you more present. You think of them more. Everything else fades into the background.
I wouldn't think about it too hard. There are millions of songs and stories and movies about it. But it's so case specific. You should just nurture the types of relationship and love that you have and that you want to keep. Explore what you feel a desire to explore. I get wanting a confidant and feeling lonely, you should look into queer platonic relationships maybe.
2d ago
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you can’t examine it directly, only through its side effects. the feeling itself is beyond words, but we can make rough estimations of it through its byproducts. for me, the biggest one is a quieting feeling in my soul, like the thing in my chest stops kicking for a second when i’m with them. my constant desire to find the next big shiny thing fades away, and all i care about is understanding them as well as one human can understand another.
that, and the feeling that you get when you’re on one of those damned frogger rides and it drops from the top. everything in you screams that something is wrong but you cling to your harness and for a moment you laugh and you scream and you fly.
2d ago
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2d ago
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hi!
this feels like a place in which i can share my feelings lol. and i've been thinking about the post i made about being in love for the first time and the rumors that flew around lol. so idk if i can even call this an update, but i guess here it is! things are alright! the feelings still feels intense in my body, making me dissociate with who i really am. is that too strange? i feel like i'm not myself, but at the same time, i've never been more like myself. and i've also been thinking about friendship a lot. being in love brings heavy and intense emotions i've never felt before, but i also want to highlight that i think friendship is such a beautiful thing. i don't know if the feelings are equal in the friendship (in terms of love). and, as disappointing as it might be, i think i need to prioritize friendship above my (really confusing) feelings of what i think i can call being in love. it's sad and slightly depressing. but friendship is such a beautiful thing. there's so much pretty and shiny things i can learn from it. the thing is, i'm starting to think that when your in love, it blanks all the other feelings. it's like the shiny and beautiful things i see in friendship start to mix with all of the things that make me feel in love. how can i separate them? how can i apreciate friendship when i know that somewhere in another reality maybe that's not it? all of this is very nonsensecical i know!!! but it's just how i feel, i think.
4d ago