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You have one life to live and it goes by quickly. Don’t spend it trying to make your parents comfortable with the things that fulfill you. They’ve lived different lives, in a different time, and they are not you.
I get it can be difficult to resist at times. The choice to not have kids was one of those for me, knowing I’m an only child and my mom wanted to be a grandma very badly. I still haven’t told her I got a vasectomy after the fall of Roe, and I probably won’t — since it’s my body and not hers.
Just remember that this is your life, not theirs. Happiness is a precious thing, even in the best of circumstances, so don’t cheat yourself out of a single moment’s happiness just because you’re not sure your parents would approve or make the same choices.
5d ago
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As an independent, intelligent, and amazing adult person, you obviously don't need your parents to be parenting you in the same way they did when you were a kid. But you are back in their home, expressing some form of dependence on them, so there have to be trade-offs and compromises. You're gonna have to swallow your pride and choose what hills to die on.
There are going to be spaces and instances where you need to firmly and respectfully draw and keep healthy boundaries. Mistreatment or toxic words pointed at you are unacceptable. But there are also times where you are grating against each other due to reasons of personal preference or personality—and those become opportunities for you to extend grace, see the other with empathy, and become a more mature and patient person. This is good practice for future roommates, partners, etc.
It may also be helpful to have a clarifying conversation with them, lay out expectations: "We are all living under the same roof again? What are your expectations for how that will look? (And here's what I'm hoping for.)"
Nov 11, 2024
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ask yourself these questions: Why are you unable to live a fulfilling life without a relationship? Do you not have hobbies, friendships, purpose in your life as it is?
I say this as someone who's been single for three years: Thank God I don't have to share a bed with someone else, Thank God I can have the weekly alone time I need to recover my sanity, Thank God I don't have to negotiate or justify anything with anyone else.
Feb 27, 2025
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I was a little over 5 years younger, and it wasn’t a conscious decision at the time, but looking back now I realised that the relationship was holding me down from growing and reaching my full potential as my own person. I didn’t have many friends at the time, had no voice or thoughts of my own, nor was I able to actually do the things I got around to doing/am finally getting around to doing after it ended (Little things like going clubbing/partying, and getting facial piercings and tattoos).
Conclusion: The longevity of a relationship with another person is not always the best indicator for the quality of it.
Oct 21, 2024
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I’m not a parent and do not plan to be. Kids can wear me out fast with their high energy and noise level; it leaves me very over-stimulated. But it’s pretty extreme when people say they ”hate kids” and I often feel it’s a reflection of their childhood and beliefs around how kids “should be.” That they were expected to be quiet, obedient, and out of the way by their parents when they were little.
It’s fucking hard to be a kid. You’re dealing with a rapidly-changing body and underdeveloped brain, managed by flawed adults who are enforcing boundaries that you do not understand. It’s confusing and hard to manage your feelings and honestly just a lot.
People are impatient with kids when they‘re brand new to the world and figuring it all out, and this is a time kids need a friend the most. Children can also be teachers to adults with how they are less habituated to the world. They teach us how to be free and open-hearted and silly and imaginative.
A good practice is to be kinder and gentler with kids. If that feels difficult, start with gentleness toward your inner child. Maybe that’s the child in your life that needs your attention and kindness most.
Apr 16, 2025
May 6, 2025
I meant to post this yesterday. Absolutely beautiful morning for walk.
This morning is also beautiful but in a spring rain kind of way.
Mar 23, 2025