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Surround yourself with yes men and local characters. Therapists, shopkeepers, barbers, aestheticians, whatever. Encourage hybridization of their skillsets to let their personalities shine. My apartment superintendent currently doubles (...triples?) as my legal advocate and local building historian. My independent barber functions as a contact for generator punk shows and as my correspondent in new and developing conspiracy theories from a communist perspective. Eventually you will never have to make a decision yourself
Jun 7, 2025
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Spend your nights anxious about which way the town is going? Actually do something to change it! Being in the US right now, I feel sometimes powerless to all the shit politicians/ corporations/ etc. are pulling. However, the only way to beat that terrible feeling is to actually do the work to make the world a better place. By being involved in local government/ groups/ initiatives, even if it’s super annoying and reeks of bureaucracy, you can at least say you tried. There’s also the benefit of meeting people who also care about things (like increasing arts funding or whatever) and probably share other interests too.
Mar 18, 2024
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
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concert? play? Reading? niche movie screening? Rave? Restaurant you want to try? whatever it is, try to wrangle friends if its up their alley (not a pro-antisocial message here) but if it does not work out, take urself! literally worst case scenario absolutely no one gives a fuck best case you make new circumstantial friends. Every one is busy making money and chasing what inspires them to stay here so schedules align once in a blue moon, don’t let that stop you from discovering / enjoying shit.
Feb 21, 2024
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badgers and coyotes are often seen squadding up and hunting rodents. and how do they do that? coyotes secure the perimeter and badgers dig 'em out. a partnership that has been observed for centuries. during downtime they exhibit playful behavior with each other
Jun 7, 2025