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ā¦NOT!
This NYT article was interesting but did nothing to comfort me with the state that modern dating is in. I want the love that chases me down at the airport and stops me from getting on the plane. I want the love that will fight for me. Or at the very least, wants me to stay, is willing to be inconvenienced and look foolish, and is willing to keep trying, not for perfection, but for true growth and vulnerability with another flawed mortal being.
This NYT article was interesting but did nothing to comfort me with the state that modern dating is in. I want the love that chases me down at the airport and stops me from getting on the plane. I want the love that will fight for me. Or at the very least, wants me to stay, is willing to be inconvenienced and look foolish, and is willing to keep trying, not for perfection, but for true growth and vulnerability with another flawed mortal being.
Jul 22, 2025
Comments (1)
A lovely desire!
I like your take much better than the hopeless one in the article.
...seems like you are definitely going to find what you want, as your hope holds space for looking foolish, imperfection, and flawed humanity.
Jul 22, 2025
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š¤”This may not be of any comfort to you or your friends you speak of, however, Iām noticing this from my side of the fence from friends and myself re-entering dating as well
Iām certain your friends embody the positive aspects you describe, I do believe you, I believe the same about many of my other friends but I have witnessed a couple things from dating and seeing friends partner up:
- i notice culture today rewards achievement and the ability to aim for something in relationships that are greater, more desirable, more novel at any moments notice. maybe thereās an observable lack of commitment because men believe that something better could come along relationship wise (despite any behavior or action contradicting)
- plenty of my friends (women/gay men) would be great for their partners on paper but I am certain I wonāt have the full understanding of the dynamics unless Iām directly observing, plus my judgement gets cloudy if I hear secondhand accounts of men not having their shit together from friends (because I wanna take their side as a friend if itās egregious and the dude is lame but also want to push back and determine if theyāre giving unrealistic standards or not)
Iām not an expert this is very long winded but maybe thereās no valor in patience and sacrifice of this nature, hence men not delivering often.
Iām certain your friends embody the positive aspects you describe, I do believe you, I believe the same about many of my other friends but I have witnessed a couple things from dating and seeing friends partner up:
- i notice culture today rewards achievement and the ability to aim for something in relationships that are greater, more desirable, more novel at any moments notice. maybe thereās an observable lack of commitment because men believe that something better could come along relationship wise (despite any behavior or action contradicting)
- plenty of my friends (women/gay men) would be great for their partners on paper but I am certain I wonāt have the full understanding of the dynamics unless Iām directly observing, plus my judgement gets cloudy if I hear secondhand accounts of men not having their shit together from friends (because I wanna take their side as a friend if itās egregious and the dude is lame but also want to push back and determine if theyāre giving unrealistic standards or not)
Iām not an expert this is very long winded but maybe thereās no valor in patience and sacrifice of this nature, hence men not delivering often.
Jul 3, 2024
Rec
ā
I don't want to be negative, honestly, but it's really hard to find someone who is willing to show their feelings for you. Today's dating feels like a competition: whoever shows feelings first loses, and everything falls apart.
I was in a relationship recently, and as a person who's not afraid to show emotions, I ended up spooking this guy away by showing him how much I truly cared about him. That experience not only taught me that dating apps and networking for relationships suck, but it also showed me that thereās something I need to change within myself. Thereās something lacking thatās not attracting the "ideal person."
So, my advice is to first check in with yourself and ask, "Am I the person I would like to date?" Once you let that sink in, you can focus better on the type of person you would like or someone who fits within your possibilities.
Itās all about being real with yourself. If you cannot āaffordā your ideal person emotionally, mentally, or otherwise, take some time off to work on yourself. I understand how the heart YEAAAARRRNS for a little smooch now and thenāespecially one filled with love. But we can't expect to find happiness in a relationship if we aren't the kind of person we would want to date.
I hope everyone who reads this finds their "ideal" person by February 14th. <3
I was in a relationship recently, and as a person who's not afraid to show emotions, I ended up spooking this guy away by showing him how much I truly cared about him. That experience not only taught me that dating apps and networking for relationships suck, but it also showed me that thereās something I need to change within myself. Thereās something lacking thatās not attracting the "ideal person."
So, my advice is to first check in with yourself and ask, "Am I the person I would like to date?" Once you let that sink in, you can focus better on the type of person you would like or someone who fits within your possibilities.
Itās all about being real with yourself. If you cannot āaffordā your ideal person emotionally, mentally, or otherwise, take some time off to work on yourself. I understand how the heart YEAAAARRRNS for a little smooch now and thenāespecially one filled with love. But we can't expect to find happiness in a relationship if we aren't the kind of person we would want to date.
I hope everyone who reads this finds their "ideal" person by February 14th. <3
Jan 27, 2025
Rec
šThe social contract of relationships and the overanalysis of the process to get there seems quasi-masochistic to me, and not in a cute way. We seek to alleviate our anxieties about being valued by another, by reducing ourselves to the object of anotherās desires through our conceptions of dating. I think there is something to be said to finding love in moments with friends and strangers. Romance isnāt about not getting ghosted, or playing a game, itās about bearing your soul to anotherās hands, and them doing the same. A real love letter can be contained within a moment, donāt waste it by waiting for the next.
Jan 21, 2024
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