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the answer could be as simple as āthatās where iām happiestā then you kinda have to mentally walk yourself there, step by step.
i genuinely have these dreams i want to actually work towardsā¦ ive always had them but ive been so scared to try. the people i was surrounded by was a part of the problem. for example, i dream of DJing ā partner tells me āyou know when you get on the aux no one really wants to listen to just all the songs you likeā which is definitely *true* but also likeā¦ā¦.. shut the *fuck* up hahahahah
so i had to change my life, so i could change my life. i knew in order to become any type of decent musician, i had to first become who i really wasā¦ and tackle some deeeeeeeep rooted issues. this takes time. processing your feelings and self reflection are a huuuuuuge part of change but they can take lots of time. after a long time, i realized i couldnāt be that person in my old life. those feelings were so loud and so strongā¦ i had to listen them! i was only able to do this after i learned to trust my intuition. iāve found it easier now that thereās less ānoiseā in my life, i can feel around in the dark to find my way to my dreams.
i had to wait for a really long time though to make some of those decisions. i had to wait to work up the courage to say, this isnāt me. iām not happy here. now that i was able to have a different relationship with myself (where all my reparenting babies hiiiiiii) i feel like every single day my life changes a little bit for the better :) and like dreams is kinda silly, lovey, cutie pie of saying i just want hobbies where i can make stuff with my hands. lmao idk i need EMDR therapy.
have you read the book Waiting for Godot? Or 4,000 weeks time management for mere mortals? or Einstenās Dreams? i recommend ā„
i genuinely have these dreams i want to actually work towardsā¦ ive always had them but ive been so scared to try. the people i was surrounded by was a part of the problem. for example, i dream of DJing ā partner tells me āyou know when you get on the aux no one really wants to listen to just all the songs you likeā which is definitely *true* but also likeā¦ā¦.. shut the *fuck* up hahahahah
so i had to change my life, so i could change my life. i knew in order to become any type of decent musician, i had to first become who i really wasā¦ and tackle some deeeeeeeep rooted issues. this takes time. processing your feelings and self reflection are a huuuuuuge part of change but they can take lots of time. after a long time, i realized i couldnāt be that person in my old life. those feelings were so loud and so strongā¦ i had to listen them! i was only able to do this after i learned to trust my intuition. iāve found it easier now that thereās less ānoiseā in my life, i can feel around in the dark to find my way to my dreams.
i had to wait for a really long time though to make some of those decisions. i had to wait to work up the courage to say, this isnāt me. iām not happy here. now that i was able to have a different relationship with myself (where all my reparenting babies hiiiiiii) i feel like every single day my life changes a little bit for the better :) and like dreams is kinda silly, lovey, cutie pie of saying i just want hobbies where i can make stuff with my hands. lmao idk i need EMDR therapy.
have you read the book Waiting for Godot? Or 4,000 weeks time management for mere mortals? or Einstenās Dreams? i recommend ā„
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šŖTo be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
Rec
šThis might not necessarily apply to your situation, but I figured Iād share my thoughts anyway.
Often I think we buy into narratives we impose on ourselves about what will make us truly happy or content. People spend a lot of their lives chasing some lofty goal, often at great personal cost, both mental and physical. And once they get there, the result might not even be that great. There might be some complications that were never considered. Or, the day-to-day reality of the dream made manifest isnāt as glamourous or fulfilling as we thought it would be.
Iām not saying you need to disregard your aspirations. But I think itās good to have an open mind about potential futures, even beyond what you see as being immediately fulfilling, or the ātruestā version of yourself. I know itās hard in our world to conceive of our self-worth outside of what we spend a great deal of our time doing. At the same time, I think itās possible to strike a balance between what we think we want and what ends up making us happy.
Hope that makes sense.
Often I think we buy into narratives we impose on ourselves about what will make us truly happy or content. People spend a lot of their lives chasing some lofty goal, often at great personal cost, both mental and physical. And once they get there, the result might not even be that great. There might be some complications that were never considered. Or, the day-to-day reality of the dream made manifest isnāt as glamourous or fulfilling as we thought it would be.
Iām not saying you need to disregard your aspirations. But I think itās good to have an open mind about potential futures, even beyond what you see as being immediately fulfilling, or the ātruestā version of yourself. I know itās hard in our world to conceive of our self-worth outside of what we spend a great deal of our time doing. At the same time, I think itās possible to strike a balance between what we think we want and what ends up making us happy.
Hope that makes sense.
Rec
šThis will be a long one, sorry in advance. Coincidentally, I was recently going through all of my bookshelves to sort what Iām keeping and what Iām giving away. I found some older journals of mine; Iām historically very bad at keeping journals but I always try and usually manage a few to even several months of some years. Looking back at them was bittersweet because I was in the same boat, severely depressed most years and wondering what the point of anything was. But at the same time, I got to see things like old bucket lists I made myself and all of the things Iāve checked off. It was an interesting moment of considering what my younger self would be thinking of me and what Iāve done in the years since whichever year it each book was from.
While I wouldnāt say time makes everything better, I will say that when you just keep pushing through eventually there comes a point where youāre more at peace than ever and you donāt even realize it at first. I donāt think thereās one universal āMeaning of life,ā but I do think the human experience is so complex and we have to teach ourselves to give our self some grace.Ā Ā
A few years ago I was at an all time high for stress, I have an autoimmune disease and the flare ups were only worsened by the stress, anxiety, and depression I was feeling, I felt burnt out and like I had put my whole life on hold for other people. Iāve since learned that while it sounds funny on the internet, free will is a beautiful thing. Choosing where and with who you spend your energy, doing things just for the love of doing them, traveling even if itās by yourself, taking yourself out to dinner or cooking for one. Iāve learned that thereās no point feeling embarrassment or anxiety about doing things by myself because really no one is paying that much attention or judging in the first place, but I also tell myself things like āyouāll never see these people again anyway, who cares,ā lol. A big one for me personally was learning boundaries and gray rockingā donāt let other peopleās emotions, moods, and manipulative behaviors dictate the way youāre feeling. But all of these little, seemingly inconsequential in the grand scheme of things (especially when youāre depressed), things that I was teaching myself along the way really helped me learn to start living for myself rather than for other people or any huge existential purpose.Ā
So, while your question was āwhatās the meaning lifeā and I donāt think anyone has a concrete answer, my unsolicited advice is that you have to keep learning yourself. How do you want to spend your time? What things spark joy for you? What things make you feel worse? Try new foods and experience new places, learn, go to museums. Pick up a new hobby. Go out in nature more, sometimes sitting in the sunshine really does wonders.
Alright, Iāll stop my little tangent now, but wishing the bestš«¶š»
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Jul 2, 2025
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š¾everytime i log on and see my web user homies posting, i be like šš¼šš¼šš¼ bonjour! or whatever the frig belle sings at the beginning of beauty and the beast š„² like i saw @MARXINISTA mornin post and i was like GM šāš¼šš¼ <3
Jul 8, 2025
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š@TYLER
please let us be free from the commodification of the data generated from our social, whimsical, and sincere, free expression
the sincerity of this app is because itās different from those other apps :/ why do we need metrics on how we socialize? š«©š«©š«©š«©š®āšØš®āšØ
iām curious as much as i am sad about the decision to make the star count visible. is that what its proper name is? or are we calling it likes? š
please let us be free from the commodification of the data generated from our social, whimsical, and sincere, free expression
the sincerity of this app is because itās different from those other apps :/ why do we need metrics on how we socialize? š«©š«©š«©š«©š®āšØš®āšØ
iām curious as much as i am sad about the decision to make the star count visible. is that what its proper name is? or are we calling it likes? š
Apr 23, 2025