i went through a horrifically bad, messy, painful breakup late 2022/early last year and i still think about it often, but what helped me the most was
1. blocking them and COMMITTING to not checking their social medias (including stuff like Spotify). For me I focused most on the awful sinking feeling I'd get when I check, and I have slowly over the past year been able to ween off of checking it
2. truly and genuinely spend as much time with your friends or occupied as possible. when you're not with your friends, spend your time doing a hobby you love - especially a hobby that can cause some sort of material change, whatever that is
it also helps to get a haircut or make some dramatic change to your appearance/surroundings. anything fresh and new!!!!!!!!!
also do not expect to feel better immediately, or even with weeks, months, a year....it takes a very long time to get over relationship trauma and you shouldn't beat yourself up for not being over it!!
Feb 14, 2024
Related Recs
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
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Feels reallllllllly tempting following a romantic fallout to "get back out there" for several reasons: to prove (to yourself?) that you are desirable, to fill a void left by ex partner, to see if things feel different with other people, to try to comfort yourself with the knowledge that not everyone is as shitty as the last person u dated. (sidenote: spend time with the question of what it fulfills for you)
This is rarely ever the right move. At least in my experience. I've literally caused myself psychic damage by jumping back in too fast lol. As cliche as it is, the best advice I have is to spend time (LIKE, TIMEEEEE. months) "dating yourself." You will gain confidence, learn more about yourself + have space from the event that leaves you feeling like dating is so difficult right now. Time really does heal all wounds...but jumping right back into dating is like picking a scab.
Fill up your cup in other ways in the meantime. Eventually, it will feel more natural/comfortable for you to ease back into dating - instead of trying to cram yourself into it and thinking that there's something wrong with you/you've sustained permanent damage because it's difficult. Your wounds won't be as fresh and you'll have a clearer picture of what you can/can't tolerate in a romantic relationship. It's hard! But u can do it! <3
Apr 1, 2024
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tbh making posts like these is just gonna make it worse! its indulging in your subconscious desire to somehow be in thought-contact with him, to still center him somehow, to still make him relevant, to still feel affected by him. cut it out completely! you've already gone through the journaling phase and the debrief phase with your friends (and the posting about it on forums phase :p!) so then its time to do boy removal. stop talking about him, stop stalking his page, stop thinking about him and more importantly- you in relation to him. instead of 'what can i do with my time to get me to stop thinking about boy x', maybe switch it to i simply just: i need some fun little hobbies to make my time feel better. you were always real and complete...so continue always being real and complete... and maybe also pursue some new dick if that is your thing.
Mar 31, 2025
Top Recs from @catgirl505
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having older friends who can share their wisdom and life experiences and older-person quirks is so fun and wholesome
May 20, 2024
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genuinely believe journaling has saved my mental health but doing it in public alone is such a better alternative to going on your phone and also if you have a pretty notebook it's a great conversation starter
Jun 18, 2024
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if you expect everything you make to be a masterpiece you’ll never get started on anything….let yourself make “bad” stuff in order to get to the “good” stuff
Jun 6, 2024