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and then on the subway ride to work it starts kicking in and you realize the dose wasn’t micro at all... walking into the office, pupils huge, asking the receptionist if anyone is with the boss, she says no, storming into his office and saying you have bittersweet news (lie) and not only resigning but dissecting every single thing that is wrong with his cursed law office. it’s A LOT and he’s asking lots of questions, and it is all coming out of your mouth, the unhinged and uncensored TRUTH. you stay in his office for 4 hours, with a 30 min lunch break, by hour 3 the high starts to mellow and the vibes get lighter so you have a chance to chitchat and he tells you that his prom date was Linda Cardellini and you think to yourself, “that’s badass”. After work you go grab a beer with your two chillest coworkers to spill the tea and eventually get to the conclusion that, even though boss man is enabling an incredibly toxic work environment, it’s impossible to get mad at him because he is so hot.
Feb 16, 2024
Related Recs
Throwing any old thing out of a window. I’m the boss here. Legs crossed on my desk, fingers laced behind my head. I can do whatever I want. Cigarettes. Food. Crumpled up pieces of paper. You. I’m gonna throw you out of a window. I’m gonna grab you and carry you to the open window and hurl you out. If you try to resist, I’m gonna throw you harder. First story. Second story. 30th story. You’re going out the window forever
Apr 23, 2024
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I'm writing a short film for @wgerardi to direct. It's about a forensics person bent on figuring out who keeps leaving a public bathroom stall a mess. Let me know what you think in the comments.
Here's an excerpt:
I measured the shit spray that started in the bowl, cut across the seat, and climbed the wall three feet. An anus would need to dilate 7 centimetres to build the necessary pressure to spray that amount of feces. To my calculations, I believe the perpetrator must have weighed at least four hundred pounds - yet, the stall is only four feet wide. How would one manage to displace that kind of body weight in this small of a space and shape without becoming stuck? I would find it hard to believe a human of that body weight could rotate their body the required one hundred and eighty degrees to sit upon the toilet, let alone allow the expansion of the stomach and flanks in the sitting position.
Nov 3, 2023
the agony of not having friends that understand what i mean when i say "omg it's so lynchian" while describing a moody orange toilet in a tiny bar, which i realised was actually playing the laura palmer theme while peeing
Apr 2, 2025
Top Recs from @paula
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it makes me feel so grounded and present…. like i’m one with nature
Dec 24, 2023
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Nothing annoys me more about the American culture than the lack of enthusiasm. If I invite you to go somewhere and your answer is “sure” or “why not”, I’m taking it back. I do not wanna be surrounded by indifferent people. It’s unworthy.
Dec 18, 2023
When I was a kid, I had a homework assignment that asked me what my biggest dream was, and I wrote, 'to spend a whole day on the internet.' That didn’t age well for obvious reasons, but here, that feeling was rekindled.
In that spirit, here’s my favorite picture of pre teen me, chasing for enlightenment online…. she would’ve loved pi.fyi
Jan 19, 2024