Adulting is a process. Iām far from having it ātogetherā but I have gotten better at say, filing taxes on time, balancing school and gym time, cooking, and keeping the house clean. None of these pieces came together at once, it was a process of learning each and making it a habit.
Lifelong learning a part of life. One thing Iāve learned through growing up is greater empathy for my parents. My mom was young when she had me and every time my birthday comes around, I realize how much she was doing at my age. (I donāt have kids, I donāt want kids, I respect people who choose to have kids, thatās incredible but Jesus itās a LOT of work)
Take it slow. Give yourself room to breathe. Love yourself. You have the rest of your life to perfect your habits and become good at āadultingā.
Jul 6, 2024
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16 years old was a weird time for me. it was the second time in my life I came out and being trans, and I have a huge memory gap right before the tail end of being 16. it's weird that I don't remember much of it anymore.
I think my biggest take away is that it hurts to let your perspectives change as you age, but you just have to let it happen if you want to grow. a lot of people you'll find in adulthood are stuck in mindsets and worldviews that form around their 20s, informed by things they vaguely remember as teens. not that there's anything wrong with it, just that I personally feel that the teenage years might be the most self aware time of your life, while simultaneously being carefree for some. life at 23 for me feels like constantly having to work backwards - why do I believe this? why do I have this bad habit? why am I struggling with this same thing over and over? I feel like you still struggle with that when you're 16, but in your 20s the layers on top of the problems begin to form. and you can't avoid them, nessecarily. it's just easier to figure out why you have certain habits and beliefs before time obscures them, even without the memory loss I have.
as you control your own life fully you find it harder to get out of more intricate ruts.
the reality is, that we don't know everything. 16 is a time in your life when people almost demand you start planning for your future. and there's nothing wrong with that, nessecarily. but nothing is future proof. we have to live with a grain of salt and not get too involved in things that hurt. that gets harder to do as you get older, get stuck repeating old patterns. but practicing introspection and curiousity in your late teens is a great way to keep that muscle up as you get older. because things will change - facts, ways of life, even your opportunities you have. it just pays to be humble but optimistic.
also everyone's lying being an adult is pretty cool. I might be biased but I love having autonomy and a life and being taken seriously and getting older. never thought I would have any of those things. taxes suck but it's once a year and we have TurboTax now who cares. working sucks the most but it's just like going to school. you plan life around that chunk of time. only as an adult it's super flexible what you want to do.
also things hurt more now than they used to already. I've started grandma-maxxing with cardigans and canes.
Apr 13, 2025
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I have had to learn to give myself grace and allow myself to grow. I tend to be hard on myself and want to find the quickest way to success. I know success takes time and I must be patient with myself. I am working on comparing myself less and truly trying to work on myself. I've found that getting into a routine has been the most helpful thing I can do for my mental health. I've learned how to say no and set boundaries for myself to avoid burn out. The 20s are such an interesting time, my mantra: you cannot worry about the things you have zero control over <3
Jan 4, 2025
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youāre not in denial about your feelings! and you shouldnāt be because thereās nothing wrong with feeling the way you do especially because you want to change this train of thought.
iām 26, lived a very sheltered life and would probably be what may be considered a ālate bloomerā. couple that with only going to community college and graduating in the midst of lockdowns, i ālostā even more of my āyounger yearsā. when i was 21-24, i definitely let those same emotions run their course on me. i used to get pretty upset even watching coming of age movies or watching college kids go about their day to day lives. i realized i didnāt want that feeling to run my life.
as harsh as it sounds, you just have to remind yourself that you cannot go back in time. youāll waste more time wallowing than you will growing and learning and exploring, causing you to internalize these negative feelings more. go out and explore and make mistakes and make sure to surround yourself with people are accepting of the fleeting nature of life as well.
also, you have so much adulthood ahead of you. 23 is not much in the grand scheme of things. iām sure there are people 20, 30, 40+ years older than you who havenāt worked through this thought process yet and are jealous of your youth. from where i stand right now, and based off those i know who are older than me, you never really stop learning how to be an adult.
all in all, there is no switch to turn off your emotions, so i know itās easier said than done. 23 in general seems to be a rough year existentially for many, so just know youāre not alone, especially in the current cultural context. aging is a gift! so try to accept that gift gracefully by going easy on yourself.
Jul 11, 2024
Top Recs from @boydahlia
Feb 18, 2025
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This one isnt that long but it took me months because some of the grief and experiences he writes about are so raw and his writing would leave me so breathless I would have to keep taking breaks and have to set the book down for a few days. Never read anything so heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time.
Jul 1, 2024
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Had a former English teacher recommend me this (we still get coffee hehe) and Iām not too far into it but itās already made me think about race and conversations about race differently.
Iām biracial and in the introduction, Diangelo actually talks about the āmiddleā and this idea of āsaliencyā in regards to multiracial people, and I *never* hear people talk about the multiracial experience, even if the author admits itās too complex of a topic to cover in her book which primarily tackles the idea of white fragility. But I very much appreciated her saying that and Iām learning a lot from the book.
Jul 3, 2024