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the alarm hums, a quiet nudge, and i already kNow how this goes. the same loop, the same weight pressing dOwn before i’ve even moved. i see it so clearly - the pattern i keep fAlling into. the way it coils around me like sOmething familiar. something almost comforting in its inevitability. i know exactly wHat i need to do to break it. i’ve known for a long time.
but time moves slow in the mornings, sTretching out in a way that makes five more minutes feel harmless. just a liTtle longer. just until my thouGhts settle. just until my body fEels light enough to lift. the routine waits for me, mApped out, precise. steps i’ve written down, promises i’ve made to myself. and still, the bEd holds me like a whispered excuse.
the world outside keeps turning, peOple slipping into their day with practiced ease, wHile i lay here, caught between knowing and doing.
Feb 22, 2025
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I wake up early enough to have a lot of time to get ready for work, even enough to do a couple of tasks I've been putting off. But instead I stare at the ceiling and then curl into my blankets and by the time I make it down from the loft bed I'm at the usual amount of time to get ready. But instead of starting the tea kettle and checking my email I pull my knees up and sit on my chair curled up and read articles aimlessly. Rescroll through texts from people I haven't spoken to in a week. And this sounds peaceful you might be like it's ok maybe you just needed a slow morning, but I have things I need to do and other things I want to do but I just can't seem to do them until the consequences are breathing down my neck. By the time I start getting ready for work I'm sure I'll have to scramble through the motions and skip through doing my hair and settle for put together enough.
Feb 13, 2025
If you place value on your mornings they will be fruitful. I value quiet time before the day starts and the ritual of getting ready. Usually I pick up my apartment a tad in the mornings, not happily. I do it because I know I have to. I do it because if I don’t I will feel Overwhelmed by my space and become depressed. And I frame it in mind as like… I have no other choice but to do this! Because I don’t let not doing it be an option (within reason)
Ft: an update pic of my paper mache project if ur keeping up with that, from my quiet time this morning (fakereceptionist pi.fyi lore? Are u up to date???)
Apr 4, 2025
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I sleep way too late and spend so much of my time groggy and butthurt about missing the morning. I want this to finally be the year where I wake up at a reasonable time (read: not 10:30am) and have hours to myself to read, stretch, and just hang before I start my work day.
Because I work PST hours from New York (and live with a night owl grad student), I have no forcing function to give me any sense of discipline beyond meeting my lax work requirements. But most nights past 1am I’m many pages into Google reading the same tips to become a morning person and capitalize on the free mornings I could have with my shifted schedule.
Dec 30, 2024
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Feb 24, 2025
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Feb 26, 2025
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the city moves in paTterns.
an unspoken choreography unfolding at every stAtion / every street crossing / every reVolving door. at first glance it is chaos - a flood of bodies surging forWard / retreating / shifting direction with abrupt precIsion. but watch closely and you will see the shapes scribbled by the crowd / the invisible calligraphy traced by hurried footsteps and quiet hesItations.
in the metro - the rhythm is unmistAkable. the doors slide open and the wave beGins. a forward motion / urgent but practiced / an unspoken agreement between stranGers. some step aside with the grace of seasoNed performers. letting others pass in seamless succession. others hesitate. caught for a moment between movement and stillness before being pulled into the tide.
on escalators - bodies align in a pattern dictated by efficIency. one side still. the other in motion. a moving stairway of impatiEnce and pause.
at crossings - the rhythm breaks for a moment. the crowd pooling at the edge of the street like ink waiting to spRead. and then - the light changes and the city exhales. a hundred figUres spill forward. some fast. some slow.
Feb 23, 2025