This is an interesting question for me because I've been thinking about it a lot. I've been in this weird postpartum period where I can recognize someone is attractive, but the only person I'm attracted to is my husband (and Megan thee Stallion). Which leads me to this reflection: I think my type greatly varies depending on my sexual energy.
I've never had an exact type. I think I projected a lot of attractiveness onto people meaning, I was basically soaked in sexual energy and I wasn't picky. But it's different if I was just trying to have a good time vs. wanting a relationship. I can tell that when I was younger I filled in the gaps with my own energy. I think any person can be and is attractive.
Every person I have gotten into a relationship with I did because I had fun with them. I think I've always wanted a relationship to feel like a best friendship. I learned I really needed to ask for more because that didn't equal good partnership with most, if not all, of those relationships.
My husband I initially was attracted to because he's hot as fuck (specifically, he has really long dark curly hair and I was like YOWZA), but the greater attraction grew from getting to know him. We have fun every day, but it was apparent how much care he gave to all people. He was a good friend to everyone, and he was very reliable. He has such integrity that I'm still enamored by. He is an enigma and any box you put him in will immediately be destroyed. Like damn, I get to be with this person forever!!!! Maybe a lot if this is biological because I'm older and have kids, but someone that is mature, kind, has integrity, and responsible really hits the spot.
Feb 26, 2025
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iāve spent most of my life searching for romantic love and thinking something was wrong with me because i never got it. i prayed even though iām not religious, i had a box filled with manifestations of the āperfectā guy under my pillow, i tried to go after guys i knew were meh because i thought u could make the love blossom, i did honey jar spells, i changed the way i looked, the way i spoke, my interests, i did EVERYTHING. this all resulted in a slew of horrendous situationships that tore down my self-esteem. after these, i definitely worked on myself and became much more confident and sure of myself, but still thought that a relationship would be the thing to make me truly happy. at 20, i had my first real boyfriend and he was āperfectā, or at least everything i thought i had ever wanted. he was attractive, tried to pay for everything, planned the most thoughtful dates, went out of his way to see me, was incredibly intelligent, kind, loyal, hardworking, took care of me when i was sick, and even respected the fact that iām entirely celibate (like what 20 y/o guy is ok w that??). i ended up breaking up with him after a few months because i realized that a relationship was not what i actually wanted or needed, it was just what i thought about 24/7. not saying this is you, but the steps i took after our breakup might help with your situation. diversify and expand your sources of happiness/love as no one source will make you feel truly fulfilled. i started by doing 4 things: something that expanded my mind, something that earned me money, something that fulfilled me creatively, and something that fed me spiritually. for me this was college classes, a job at a restaurant, painting, hanging out with the people that i love more often, and joining a bunch of clubs at my school. i think our society places so much emphasis on romantic love, but other types, especially the love i receive from my friends has been the most unconditional and satiating. lastly, (again not saying this is you, itās just a common reality) expecting one person to satisfy all of your need for love is not only dangerous for you (if they leave, youāll be crushed) but also unfair to them. maybe iām just yapping to yap, but i hope this was helpful.
Jan 1, 2025
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I fear that the anxious attachers (myself) who are deeply devoted to doing inner work to embrace a more level-headed presence and invitation, want so badly to empathize and understand their partnersā (avoidant) tendencies. Not to villainize them, and not to negate their own emotional experience but to understand that conscious (even karmic opposite attachment relationships) activate these wounds for deeper reasons than maybe we can comprehend.
The hardest part is knowing that youāre putting into the emotional energy economy, making your counterpart aware of this, and that they are also aware of what needs to change but are in a stalemate frozen with fear of failing, or being imperfect or letting the connection deepen into deeply devoted unveiled love. That is the complexity because love exists very clearly, softly, sillyāly and perhaps often, inconsistently, so itās difficult to know when to keep grasping for more, and letting them open up to their own journey and walking, maybe even guiding them alongside of the emotional healing because we know what itās like to be tortured of our emotional hearts and vulnerability.
Iām 25, almost 26 and this is the most conscious partnership Iāve ever been in, but we are constantly doing healing work, having difficult conversations, feeling tension, love, expansion, connection and shared wisdom and warmth, and many things on the internet or in books tell you to walk away from it even if it sometimes gives you what you want, but for me I just donāt know if Iām at that space yet.
I want to watch him heal, and I want to heal more of myself, even if Iāve already done so much work. Like I want someone integrating their shadows into the light with me, because Iām not a surface-level human, this digging and re-planting, death and rebirth. Is this what relationships are about or do people like me (anxious attacherās) just stay longer because their hearts are more open, hopeful and wishing?
Jun 23, 2025
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i donāt really miss the last relationship i was in, despite the fact that it was 4 years long and there was an easy, comfortable companionship between us - one of the main reasons we stayed together long past what probably should have been our expiration date. what iāve realized i do miss, though, is someone to regulate and balance myself against.
iāve always had issues getting myself to sleep at a decent hour, issues with focus, time management, executive function, and all the rest of the laundry list that comes with high functioning ADHD. with a mostly-patient āneurotypicalā partner, though, i found myself able to mirror some of their habits, their rhythms. and i basically always had an on-call body double, someone with whom i could share productive silence - nothing better than someone who doesnāt feel the need to constantly be chatting, who might every now and then quietly look over and give me a gentle /whack/ when iāve strayed from my task.
when we were together, a normal sleep schedule became attainable; in the months before we broke up, there were plenty of nights a week that i would get my 8 hours. now, getting any more than 6 on a worknight? feels like a chore that iām constantly failing to get to. but for a while, climbing into bed early with another person to do the mini crossword and then lazily drift out was just one last hit of dopamine to close the day. and then waking up in their arms, the first hit of the day. something to constantly look forward to.
i donāt necessarily miss the relationship, but iām looking forward to finding someone who can be that for me again
Jan 31, 2024
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May 31, 2025
In Tarot, The Fool is the first card in the Major Arcana, which represents the life cycle. These cycles we are continuously going through in our lives, not just once. The final card of the Major Arcana is The World (which I have tattooed very large on my thigh), which signifies the completion of a cycle and natural ascension into the next. We are then thrust back into the Fool, with a bit more wisdom.
The Fool as an archetype is one of joy, curiosity, spontaneity, and trust. The Fool is pure of heart, knowing that the Universe has got their back. This innate trust allows The Fool to be playful, to take risks, and truly believe everything will work out. The more we go through life and experience loss, grief, heartache, trauma, the harder it becomes to embrace this energy. Iāve found that as healing goes on, just as itās shown in tarot, we return to this natural state of being. We start off as The Fool when we are wee little babies, and if we are lucky can return there a few cycles at a time, with more wisdom gained each time.
The goal of The Fool is to have positive experiences, maybe for fun, maybe to grow. There is an acceptance with The Fool, a kind of āthis is what is, how can I make this work well for me?ā Everything works out for The Fool because they donāt know it canāt. Anything we go through in life, we can use to grow. I personally believe we all could benefit embracing the archetypal energy of The Fool a bit more. The Fool doesnāt stop to worry what other people will think! The Fool does not fret about what ifās! The Fool is in the moment!
Jun 1, 2025
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Humans have always danced. It is part of who we are, yet we have been conditioned to be self conscious, to think that we do not move our bodies good enough. Dancing is beyond judgement. Dancing is not a skill, it is our soul moving through our bodies, expressed in movement. Dancing is healing. Dancing is bodily autonomy. Dancing is FUN! Any feeling you are feeling can be moved through with dance yet even alone, you fear looking foolish. Kill the judge in your mind, shut the fuck up, and MOVE š
Apr 24, 2025