🛐
I’m having trouble telling devotion from sacrifice.
I remember you told me loving me was like going to church.
Maybe that’s why ever time I go it feels like you’re there.
I keep trying to find the meaning of all the things we talked about while smoking cigarettes.
Sometimes I’ll go through a pack just trying to decipher what was said.
“You make me more poetic“
Is still the one I have yet to solve and maybe that’s a good thing because, your smile to your lips have all returned to you.
But the moments our souls shared I’ll never sacrifice..
Apr 8, 2025
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The photo you took looks a lot like the photos someone I love used to take for me. It was nice to just stare at for a while, thank you :)
Apr 8, 2025
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It’s one hell of a drug.
I do love you. Denying myself that privilege has been nothing if not unjustifiably cruel.
Years and some change, a lackluster saturday night grazing on the sofa. Bowie came on, and I remembered our Beth’s excursion. Valentine’s Day. Who needs sleep? Not we! So we journeyed long and far in the name of burnt coffee, smoking cigarettes all the while. The sun was rising when I heard sound and vision next to you for the first time.
And man. That was just one song’s worth of heaven, one of many. I just love you for being around at all. I love you for who you were, and even for whoever you are now. You saved my life . I can’t forget it, not for a second. Even if it seems safer to hate you. It’s not true. Casting a distorted and downright ugly light on my most sacred memories . Clogging the arteries of my heart. Makin the blood keeping that fucker going all polluted. All cause you’re not here anymore. So what. I had you then and that’s enough. In fact it was a fucking miracle to have known you at all. I won’t desecrate it . I can’t afford to.
I love you forever and ever and ever and ever and past that and after that keep going even more and no you can’t measure it, it just goes on and on like that fucking coworker who’s pearly whites are ridden with halitosis. Yeah baby. And even more than that. Thanks for everything . Hope you’re doing swell. Hope you never see this.
I feel free. High on fumes. Today I have transcended a sliver of pain. Like Q Lazarus famously said
I’m flyin flyin flyin over youuuuuuuuu
Ooooooooooooooo
Ooooooooooooo
Oooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Apr 20, 2025
In my most vulnerable moments (intoxicated, 3am, on an airplane, etc.), I remember all of my “love you”s; each person I’ve held tenderly in my heart and body; each friend I’ve shared late nights and soul secrets with. Do they know that they still hold a piece of me, that I still hold a piece of them? Do they know that the hum of a song, or the smell of backwoods, or the words on a page conjure their being in my mind? Do they know how often I think of them, how often I jog my mind back a few months or years to our casual and frequent visits? Our traditions? What comes of these faded soul ties; do I fumble with the frays and let go? Do I memorialize them in some kind of journal, a photo, an occasional phone call? How do I say goodbye to all of my ”love you”s?
Jan 4, 2025
⭐
you know,
all i like to write about is love.
writing is easier when it’s about your own personal experiences of grief, of pain
but love is the beautiful dove of the two
released at a funeral, released at a wedding.
,
because the definition is different for everybody.
—
the trees rustle again tonight, and the wind gently taps on the windowpane, begging again to be let in
and my thoughts race farther and faster in the night than a pure-bred, hot-blooded racehorse, bucking wild for the first time
my mind buzzes, stricken like a gong, reverberating in the quietness of tonight
as i drag myself closer to you,
you reach out for me, an unspoken, gentle and devout prayer, asking for me in the unspeakable words conveyed in a whisper through actions
–
i promised you a fantastical world of your own, where you are safe, through my own creation.
i have created for you in the heart of my own somewhere for me to love you,
fully and infinitely with all of myself.
if this is not where you are safe, then there is nothing else.
–
word by word and sentence by sentence
i create dreams i would never tell anybody
not even under the skies of a cloudless night.
when i sleep, i tuck my hopes and sadness under my pillow
and hope a fairy will kidnap it and place in that spot
something i should need more.
but night after night, my dreams just macerate in the container of my heart.
soon, i will drink them like an elixir of truth
and what i am afraid of will come
1d ago
Top Recs from @heartmarksman
💫
sometimes we mistake feeling alone with being lonely .
home is where the heart is, and
if you feel lost then you should look for yourself.
find out what makes you tick then you’ll never feel alone because you always have yourself.
Apr 6, 2025
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I still throw my cigarette butts in the driveway.
They remind me of the stars we used to gaze at.
So maybe it’s not so much that I can’t throw them away as much as it is just liking having them close to home..
Apr 7, 2025
and if you didn’t exist I would invent you
I have all the parts…
so when you look up and see no stars don’t be surprised
because you deserve them all ..
Apr 8, 2025